To be annoyed at SIL borrowing our stuff

[BiscoffBanana]

We have a rocky relationship with my husband 's sister, which came to a head 2 years ago, after a long series of minor incidents added up to one big argument. To be fair neither of us handled it well but I ended up on the receiving end of some very abusive messages from both her and her husband. My husband stepped in to support me and then both she and her husband blocked all contact with me and now only have bare minimum contact with my husband (unless they want something).

Anyway- and congrats if you've made it this far!- AIBU to be annoyed that they have asked my husband to borrow our camping gear to go on holiday? I just think if they don't want contact, and refuse to let our kids have a relationship etc etc, why should we lend them our stuff?! Interested to know what you all think....

I wouldn't lend my camping gear to anyone.

They'll send it back muddy and ruined to spite you.

Gosh no it would 100% come back mouldy dirty and damaged.

No, you are not being unreasonable. I mean, I personally don't like the idea of lending my stuff to anybody, because you just never know if you'll get it back in the same state - or at all. But I certainly wouldn't entertain the idea with people who clearly don't like me, nor want to speak to me.

Hell no
she would probably bring it back wrecked

I would be tempted to message myself and tell her NO

That way DH cant mess it all up through being a lifelong sister-pleaser

Yes actually, I'd do this

I don't even lend our stuff to the dc... Bought ds a small cheap tent for a festival. He came him all blasé someone had set it on fire!!
Precisely why he wasn't taking one of ours....

Let her borrow it if she wants - of course it would be a real shame a if she found (in the middle of putting it up in the pishing rain) that the tent pegs/guy ropes/some other essential item have been mysteriously misplaced.......

Classic family situation of a man who just wants to keep the peace

So, he’d rather rather ‘keep the peace’ with someone he has bare minimum contact with, than keep the peace with the woman he shares his home, bed and everyday life with?

Sorry, but that suggests you have a serious DH problem.

Yes - take charge of this situation OP, and tell them No. Before telling your husband you've done so. 🌹

That's a no thanks from me too! Bloody CFs

That's good advice! I no longer have their numbers but have messaged my FIL to pass on the message.

Agree this is also an issue with DH, in fact their behaviour and his unwillingness to stand up to it was the only 'big' thing we'd ever argued about. The last 2 years of no contact would have been great if we didn't miss seeing the kids so much.

Never mind the relationship…

Rule 1 of camping - NEVER EVER lend out your stuff. Ever. Even to your bff. Never.

Exactly. Even good friendships and family relations have ended over shoddily returned camping gear.

SIL
Our camping gear is worth £5,000
It is in excellent condition because we look after it
On receipt of a £1,000 deposit we will video & photograph it in detail and then lend it to you.
We will repay the deposit if the equipment is returned

• clean & well aired
• undamaged
• within 5 days of your return
• in full with no missing items

If you fail to adhear to these conditions we will retain the deposit. If the deposit does not cover the cost of loss, damage &/or repairs we expect to be paid the balance due within 5 working days or we will submit a claim to the small claims court.

If you want to go ahead please respond accepting these conditions

This.

How cheeky of them.
it’s a no from me.

That's a big ask even if you were in contact.

Why will there be drama if he says no?

How ever many times she asks, that's how many times he says no!

Will she turn up with others & force him to hand it over?

Well I guess he could say you no longer have it!

I would ignore the message. As she is not talking to you and refuses to let the children mix, I would assume she had sent it to you in error.

this.

Absolutely not.
Camping gear needs very careful minding.
My friends husband loaned theirs to a friend and they got it back in a very poor, damp state.
My friend hadn't been consulted and there was the mother of all rows as she loves camping with their children and SHE had sourced it.
A huge row was had....one he will NEVER forget.
It isn't something you loan out IMO.

Cheeky as f don't give it to them

Whatever the relationship, and even if I agreed with my partner's feelings, I'd be absolutely furious if they went over my head in dealing with my family without telling me. Involving your FIL and messaging him without discussing it was entirely unreasonable.

Mumsnet threads are forever saying that a male partner's family are his responsibility to deal with. You can't have it both ways.