So, I have a significant birthday in September. I've not had a party since I was 10, so have decided to throw myself one. Nothing hugely fancy, hired a local pub with a big garden for day time (most of our friends have kids, as do we) and will have music, a decent buffet and use of the garden with games for the kids.
In passing, I mentioned it to my Mum. Mum is in her late 70's, and not in great health. She's very needy, uses a walking frame, and lives 2 hours away. Even though I said, clearly, it was just a get together for friends, she has said she has to be there. She can't stay at ours as our house isn't suitable for her needs (no downstairs toilet for example and she can't manage stairs anymore), so she has suggested that I collect her in the morning and take her home afterwards, as it finishes at 6pm. She is putting major guilt trips on me about it. It means the morning before the party will be a big rush, and while it is a very casual get together, it would be nice to not have to stress about rushing to get ready. It also means that I wouldn't be able to drink as would have to take her home afterwards. She did mention "Oh, if you invite x cousin, I could come with them" but a) if I invite one cousin, I have to invite others really, and b) I simply don't want this cousin at my party as they're basically not a nice person.
She is really pushing all my buttons about it. My only sibling wouldn't be interested in coming which is fine, but means they wouldn't be able to bring her. And she wouldn't cope in a hotel alone. I'm on verge of simply cancelling the whole thing as I really don't need extra stress and guilt in my life right now.
Why do Mums do this?
So, am I being unreasonable to be blunt and tell her she would be ruining MY party, for ME (YANBU). Or should I suck it up as she's my Mum (YABU)?