To want to switch to every other weekend?

[TooManyAnimals94]

My current arrangement with ex is he has daughter every Tuesday night and drops her at childminder in the morning.

He then picks her up on a Friday night and brings her back Saturday evening. We fell into this arrangement after we split because I've always worked shifts that often included late Friday evening and Saturday day so it was convenient in that respect but I don't like never having my daughter all weekend and never being able to do anything social on a Saturday evening.

I'm changing jobs to be more 9-5 and no weekends so I floated the idea of every Tuesday and then every other weekend.

He's come back and basically said no because 'it won't be good for him or her' because they'll miss each other. I see it slightly differently in that there is less changing care givers for her and we each get longer, quality time.

Who is BU?

Thanks for all the replies. I can see both sides. What's irritating is he says 'we can talk about it' when he means we'll talk until he gets what he wants so it gets my back up even trying to talk to him because I always feel I'm being trampled on.

Plus he owes me money ATM so probably wasn't the best time to have the conversation.

Thanks for the ideas on how to compromise. Food for thought.

Week 1 - Tuesday, Friday and Saturday.
Week 2 - Thursday
He then gets to see her every few days.

I am thinking of my daughter. At the moment I feel quite guilty that over the space of the week she goes between me, her dad, childminder and my mum and she does get quite unsettled sometimes.

She's better when she has longer with one person. He dropped her off early on Saturday because of plans made months ago and I definitely noticed a difference that evening/Sunday morning in that she just seemed more chilled having a bit more relaxed 'mum' time.

Same when he's had her for a full weekend, she loves it.

If you're concerned about your dc going backwards and forwards you could always look at a 50/50 arrangement. One week on, one week off?

I think we'd all hate that and it wouldn't work as she's not in full time childcare (I'm PT at the moment) so he'd still be dropping her back with me or my mum two days a week.

At her age just seeing him once a week isn't enough. Can you do two evenings on the week she isn't with him for the weekend?

I can see both sides and I don't think either of you is being unreasonable.

Would you consider giving him a second night in the week plus every second weekend?

We had a similar arrangement, but alternated the weekends so it was Fri/Sat one week and Sat/Sun the next.

With the mid-week as well this arrangement meant that the children saw their dad for at least part of 4 days a week.
I saw them at least part of every day (excluding holidays).

I wanted to swap to every other weekend when the children were late primary mainly because split weeknds limited the potential to do weekends away etc, but he didn't agree as he didn't want to go the longer period without seeing them - which I could understand.

We agreed to keep the split weekends but have a weekend per half term each, so 4 or 5 split weekends and 1 full weekend each every half term, then school holidays were split 50/50.

The dates were planned in advance.

We have always been reasonably flexible in that if there was a specific reason we'd both be open to changing dates round.

Week 1 Tues , Friday, Saturday nights
Week 2 Tues and Thurs nights
So he isn't going as long without seeing her

I think we might go for something like this. I have just sent him a message to that effect but I think he's ignoring me 🙄

We have always been quite flexible for one off occasions so he's good in that respect. I would just like to be able to commit to stuff on a Saturday or Sunday sometimes without having to actually change arrangements and pick ups and make sure it's all fair etc.

I was going to suggest similar.

Good luck, and give him time to reply - don't just think he is ignoring you, we all have stuff on.

Your DD is only 3 and you have YEARS of this ahead of you. Sometimes you'll just want to scream about having to share parenting, but that's life.

My "children" are now 18 and 21, and I think having the regular and frequent contact with both of us has been a positive for them.
My 18yo (just finishing Alevels) generally sticks to the same schedule we've had for years, but changes it around for his own needs. It is his dad's birthday this week, so he's decided to go for a couple of days midweek so he sees him on his birthday.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to change the patterns, but unless the court say otherwise, if your husband wants your daughter at least 50% of the week, including a full day at weekends, it is unreasonable to deny him that.