Is this cheeky?

[MotherOfOlafs]

Family member asked DH what he’d like for Xmas, DH said a bottle of whiskey that cost around £40, but if it was too much money then that’s fine. Family member bought the bottle but did not stop telling everyone on xmas day that they couldn’t believe the cost, and comments like ‘oh are you drinking wine with lunch? I would’ve thought you’d be starting in on the whiskey that COST ME £40!!’ etc.

Next month is family members birthday (not a big one). They have asked for a particular perfume from YSL that I cannot find for less than around £60. I want to buy a dupe but DH says we should just get it. Am I being petty?

The gift giving culture of this family is screwy. Get the bottle, because the tradition seems to be to ask and then get what the person asked for, then change the culture. This can be via explicit discussion and agreement, or implicit in that yoy stop asking and stop telling when asked and work to a price cap you're comfortable with giving. A 3rd option could be to ask if they'd be able to choose something at the £40 mark.

Well I think buying a dupe would be an unpleasant thing to do. I would buy the real thing BUT going forward I would stop the practice of asking people what they want. It does put financial pressure on people. I think buying small surprise gifts that are thoughtful is what gift giving should be about. Then people can buy what they can afford. Making it all about monetary value is not the spirit of gifting.

To be honest myself and DH will just keep an ear out for when either of us mentions something we like or have seen that’s interesting throughout the year if that makes sense?

The family member is from a generation of where you are asked and they also like to be asked? Similar to a person who will give money for a birthday but will be upset if it goes towards food shopping or bills which is inevitable at times.

Is buying a dupe of a perfume a thing?! I’ve never heard of that/sounds like a terrible idea for a gift.

I would buy it but then I would repeatedly go on about their 60£ gift because I’m petty.

Buy them the gift and then keep commenting on it the same way they did the whiskey 🤣

If its his sister or something she was probably just teasing about the price of the whiskey. Me and my brothers wind each other up all the time (in a friendly way!). If he's happy to get the perfume and you can afford it then get it. If not, tell her.

Which perfume is it? I bet MNers can find it for less

At least now you will have ammo.

Whenever they mention the whisky (if they ever do) you get to say "and the perfume we bought you for your birthday cost £60. What's your point?"

Voucher for £40 quid so they can buy perfume.

I do it for DD all the time. She’ll asked for a Tom Ford perfume and I’ll look up what smells pretty much the same, it’s often a nice brand still but 60/70% less of the price. Not sure what’s terrible about that? I do it with makeup for myself.

That’s a good shout

Because if someone asks for a specific perfume for a gift, they want a specific perfume, not a “similar” perfume.

Before the whiskey how much have you tended to spend on each other? If someone asked me what I wanted I wouldn’t say something costing as much as £40 but it does depend what’s gone on before. I wonder if she’s being a bit pointed asking for a £60 present but either way do not buy a dupe. That’s a terrible present. Either buy the real thing or get her something else entirely.

This kind of gift giving feels very transactional. If you don’t want to spend more than £40 then just buy a gift voucher for boots and they can buy it themselves.

Likely they didn’t expect your husband to ask for a £40 bottle of whiskey and they didn’t want to not get him what he asked for. What price range have your gifts been for this person in the past?

Get the perfume and next time ask for cheaper presents or vouchers. No point creating drama over £20. Life it too short.

I would not be happy with a dupe at all.
I hate cheap copies of things, if you can't afford it don't get it

I'd be annoyed if I asked for a specific brand and someone brought something which "smells pretty much the same"
Buying it for yourself is different

Honestly, I would just return the alcohol to the person and tell them that we don't need to exchange gifts anymore.

Gift card for 40 quid.. Make 2025 the year you give cards only..

So I’m going to spend £200+ on a perfume because my 14 year old asks for it? That’s totally batshit behaviour 🤣

Excpet this is 50% more, so if they menitoned the Whiskey 10 times OP needs to mention the perfume 15!

Did family member spend the whole £40 on their own or shared with someone else? Wonder if they're thinking there are two of you to buy for them so £30 each...?
Or might they have been happy to pay £40 for a gift but had no idea that a bottle of whiskey could cost that much?
Not trying to find excuses, just intrigued - have had some interesting gift choices and objections to gift suggestions before here too (e.g. an older family member said they would never usually buy alcohol as a gift when DH suggested they get me a bottle of something one Xmas).

Can you not see the difference between that and this?

No I would not be spending more than 40 pounds given how they went on and made your dh look like a greedy person. I would go with the voucher.

To be honest it was MIL (didn’t really want to say as I’ll be accused of MIL-bashing 🙄) and DH is her only son, she bought me a paperback book and a bookmark, fine by me I love to read!
It’s not the cost of the perfume it’s the irony more than anything. We’ve bought her expensive items for her garden before as it’s her pride and joy, things she’s specifically asked for.
Maybe it sounds like DH was the cheeky one first but I’d estimate she spends about £60 on everyone’s gifts in total at Xmas and she is FAR from skint!