Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to block my niece and her deranged father?

26 replies

SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:22

My sister and her husband split a few years ago.

They have a child that he manipulates to get information from about my parents/me.

I blocked him from my phone/social media/life when they split because it was a bitter divorce and was getting spiteful.

I bumped into him a few months ago when I was very pregnant and the next day (and once a week on average) he sent me a message on a fake social media profile saying he felt sorry for my child how could I bring them into a family like mine. So again I blocked and set to private no notifications and such.

Since baby has been born my Niece has met him and taken photos with him.

These photos have appeared on social media with photoshopped marks on his face saying I've dropped him/abused him and the baby should be taken off me.

I feel my Niece needs protecting from her father but obviously not my position to say.

Would I be unreasonable to also block my Niece from my life and ask my sister not to give her any information about me?

OP posts:
Homesweethome23 · 17/06/2024 10:24

I would be going straight to the police and making a report about the pictures!

Hinkuy · 17/06/2024 10:26

Police! 100%!

Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:26

Can I do that? Would I call 101? I don't know where he lives or anything but I assume he's known to police.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 17/06/2024 10:34

I would be inclined to speak to the police about the harassment - certainly about the photos of your baby. That's potentially harmful for you and for your child.

How old is your niece?

Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:37

She'll be 15 in November

OP posts:
spicysamosahotcupoftea · 17/06/2024 10:39

Then she's old enough to be told the pictures don't go near her father

swizzlestickers · 17/06/2024 10:42

I'd definitely ring 101 and report him to the police. Even if they just contact him in some way, it'll hopefully frighten the life out of him.

Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:45

I don't think the photos have been given voluntarily.

I hope she would see how wrong and hurtful the lies would be.

OP posts:
Jk987 · 17/06/2024 10:47

He's lost the plot. It's alarming! Does your niece live with him or your sister?

I think he should take all accountability. It would be worth it in the long run if you maintain a good relationship with your sister and niece.

Butchyrestingface · 17/06/2024 10:48

Yes, agree that the nature of these allegations/slander make it a police matter.

Is he obsessed with his ex (your sister) in the same way? Weird that he would be obsessed with you and your parents - I assume you all encouraged her to get away from the mad bastard.

Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:49

Niece lives with sister but sees Dad every other weekend.
The photos appeared on one of 'his' weekends

OP posts:
Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:53

He definitely is obsessed with my sister to the extent she's had to move house car and change contact numbers.

She was only meeting in public places using public transport for the hand overs at one point because he was following her/ reporting her registration for drinks/drug driving.

Yes we all encouraged her to leave him.

OP posts:
ColourMeBlue · 17/06/2024 10:54

I would absolutely ring the police.If I was in your position,I was also get a doctor and/or health visitor to check you baby over so they can document they are indeed loved and looked after.I am not doubting you for a moment-but in cases like this,you need to cover yourself.

Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:55

I'll admit I did report him to his employer after one particularly spiteful set of messages and he lost his job (in mental health)

OP posts:
ColourMeBlue · 17/06/2024 10:56

SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:55

I'll admit I did report him to his employer after one particularly spiteful set of messages and he lost his job (in mental health)

Well he had that coming.Play silly games,win silly prizes.

loropianalover · 17/06/2024 10:56

Why would you not call the police if a dangerous man that you are no contact with has doctored images of your baby and posted them publicly on the internet making up claims of abuse?! Seriously OP!! Images of your baby online is no joke.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 17/06/2024 10:59

Jeepers you and your sister need to get a lawyer and get your niece away from her dad… that sounds exceptionally toxic and scary… your poor niece

I wouldn’t block your niece she’s a victim too but have a no photo on her phone etc rule

Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 11:15

Thanks all - report being filed

OP posts:
Barefootsally · 17/06/2024 11:22

SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 10:55

I'll admit I did report him to his employer after one particularly spiteful set of messages and he lost his job (in mental health)

Ok this is why he is hell bent on tormenting you.

You need to go to the police with this and I’d also go to the health visitor for a record that nothing has happened to your baby.

OP you fucked up going to his employer - the messages should have been a police issue over harassment. You had him bang to rights. Now he has a seriously personal vendetta against you because he will feel you made him lose his job.

You basically gone head to head with a psycho. Call the police and get it nipped in the bud as he is ramping up

Singleandproud · 17/06/2024 11:27

Im glad you are reporting OP. I'd ensure you link it with information on what he is doing/has done to your sister just to give a fuller picture should she need it in future,it's worth having all these things noted down.

If you still have a local police station it can be useful with things like this to pop in and have a chat face-to-face with an officer, but admittedly I live in a small town with a small police station where that's fairly normal/ easy thing to do and people are encouraged to go in and engage with the community officers. Perhaps not so easy in a big busy city police station.

Hmm, going to his employer over the police was a bit of a mistake, no wonder he's got it in for you but I understand why if he works with vulnerable people. You should have just mentioned it Al to the police and the type of work he does and left it to them to inform them instead of doing it directly but what's done is done now I guess.

Noseybookworm · 17/06/2024 13:27

Well done for reporting to police. Can you sit down with your sister and niece and explain the situation? You need to make it clear to your niece that you don't want him to have access to any information or pictures as he is harassing you. It's a difficult one because as you say, he's manipulating her. Will your sister back you up?

LakeTiticaca · 17/06/2024 13:37

I think you should forbid your niece to take any photos of your baby or give any photos of baby to her. It's a shame for your niece but your baby comes first. And yes definitely report this disgusting specimen to the police.

Reugny · 17/06/2024 13:44

These photos have appeared on social media with photoshopped marks on his face saying I've dropped him/abused him and the baby should be taken off me.

Report to the social media provider as violating the privacy of your child asap.

BTW you are allowed to have the policy that while I may give you picture or you may take pictures of my child you aren't allowed to post their image on social media without my permission especially if you are going to doctor them.

WhatNoRaisins · 17/06/2024 13:46

I feel for this 15 year old having a psycho for a dad but the safety of your child has to come first. I think you did the right thing reporting him to his place of work, he shouldn't have access to vulnerable people.

Original poster
SparklyTraybake · 17/06/2024 15:57

I've had a sit down chat with my sister this afternoon and she didn't realise how bad it'd gotten.

We've reported him to the police and nieces social worker and there seems to be more on my sister's side too ( parental alienation type behaviour) so fingers crossed she won't have to go to him every other weekend.
Pictures have also been removed from social media
Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread