How would you react?

[Mum2024Of]

my DD lost her school shoes which were brand new. Usually I’d just wait for them to be returned to her as everything is named so it eventually makes it’s way back to her. Today I saw a staff member and I very politely asked where I go to find lost and found property he responded to me very rudely. Just for context I’m a very quiet and reserved person I don’t do conflicts. Both my kids were with me btw. My youngest asked why he was angry later. I feel really upset. My mental health is not the best right now and I know I will dwell on it.

How would you react? I did say to him it’s no need to speak to me like that and he responded “what you on about?”. My DH thinks I should leave it. What would you say or do? I hate these situations. I’m annoyed with myself for asking him too I should have just waited for the shoes to make their way back to us like I usually do!

Did you get the shoes back?

The teacher's attitude sounds a bit off (the 'what you on about?' comment isn't a particularly professional tone to take).

In all honesty, if you got the loat property back, I'd leave it at this point. But having said that, if any future interactions with the same staff member are similar then I'd raise with the HT just saying that whilst the message from X [staff member] is clear, the delivery could be polite, and you're raising to avoid any potential conflict/misunderstanding that may arise between X and parents.

Thank you. It’s an all-through school and I was in the primary side. He seemed like a PE teacher from what he was wearing. He was very patronising. I’ve never had an issue with a member of staff in the 5!years I’ve been there with my kids.

How did he respond rudely?
Was it his tone or what he said?
The "what you on about?" seems sharp and uncalled for.

Was it a teacher or a support staff member?

Yes I got the shoes back as I walked off and went around the building to the reception part, there’s a community swimming pool in the school and I remembered there’s a reception there. I should have just done this but per school email you go to the lost and found box in main school.

I always have a fear I won’t be believed! If I report him he could easily say he wasn’t rude and didn’t say “what u on about”. My youngest was upset and asked why he was angry.

What are you on about isnt rude it's a question that means he didn't understand you

Was he just a bit brusk?

I mean you ask "where's lost property " what did he say back ? Fuck off is rude , I don't know is honest , over by reception is helpful

Actually I think 'what you on about?' Is rude. But what was the thing he said which made you tell him not to speak to you like that? (Whatever it was he shouldn't be rude, obviously, but if you interpreted something as rude which wasn't at all then a little irritation could be understood).

If even your child picked up on the fact he sounded angry then his manner or words must have been rude and uncalled for. It's his job as a member of staff to be polite to parents and,I would hope, to be helpful to them.
I would say that you are justified in bringing it up with the head teacher in an informal conversation even if you don't want to make a formal complaint. If that is the way staff behave with parents it doesn't say much for the school.

A child will pick up on what a parent thinks and if OP is over sensitive then the child will be too

Yes I understand a child picks up on parents feelings. But in this case the child apparently didn't ask OP why she was upset. The child asked why the staff member was angry. To me that indicates she is picking up on the staff members behaviour rather than OPs reaction.
Also just because someone is sensitive it doesn't automatically mean they are wrong in the situation. Sensitive people are just as likely to meet rude unhelpful people. Their problem is it upsets them whereas less sensitive people can brush it off.

what did he actually say when you asked?

So this is the interaction

OP: please could you direct me to lost property?
TEACHER: [we need to know what he said here]
OP: There's no need to speak to me like that
TEACHER: what you on about?

There's a fairly vital part of the conversation missing. The teacher obviously didn't think he had been rude hence him asking 'what you on about'.

Was it:
"I don't work in the school, I don't know" (since there's a community pool there and "looked like a PE teacher")
"I'm too busy to help"
"Fuck off. Bloody parents always in the way"
?

It’s difficult to see how on earth “what you on about” is anything but rude unless you’re joking with a friend which Op clearly wasn’t.

that said there’s a key part of the convo missing here

This. Nobody can comment on whether he was rude unless you tell us what he actually said

What did he actually say when you asked him where Lost Property was?

Agree with the PP that if we don't know the actual worlds he used, or at least a rough approximation, we can't judge. But my guess is he had something else on his mind, you interrupted his train of thought, lost property isn't his job and he was curt / snapped / whatever. Which he absolutely shouldn't have been, but for all you know ow he'd just had a run in with someone else or just got out of bed the wrong way. It happens to everyone from time to time. Annoying, but I'd just shrug my shoulders and move on, especially since you found the shoes.

@Mum2024Of - can you tell us what he said when you asked about lost property?

How are people surviving in the world anymore when this sort of interaction crosses the threshold for being upset and wanting to complain?

your MH is bad and you most likely took someone’s tone on a bad day personally. YABVU