To think there are no 'normal women'

[Fritatayay]

I mean in terms of the ones that advertisers portray. Women who just like spa breaks and gin 'with the girls' and bland flowers and dress in the fashion regardless of their identity/ lifestyle/ preference. I don't know one.
I know feminine women, but usually they have hidden quirks like they love true crime or trains or rock climbing. I have never met anyone who is just like the women on the adverts. Women who laugh whilst eating salad, with pearly white teeth.
I was saying this to a male friend and he said 'well you're not a normal woman' and I thought 'but none of us are!'

But those women on the adverts aren't telling you all about themselves - they're just showing one part of it in a moment on an advert, you've never know if they're got weird toes / only eat dry cereal / love a headbang.

I am dying a little at “liking true crime”
being some sort of “unusual personality quirk” 🤣

That kind of normality is like a costume for women to put on, not any different to the sashes hen party goers often wear.

Not sure the two are mutually exclusive. A woman who enjoys rock climbing and heavy metal gigs can also smile while eating a salad. But, unless, the advertiser is recommending something climbing or heavy metal related, I doubt s/he needs to put a focus on that.
I honestly don't know anyone who takes advertising quite so literally.

😬😬

I like wearing pink dresses and watching horror films but I'd say I'm pretty average like most people!

Is this a joke? Adverts aren't real and no-one is like people in adverts.

I’m pretty sure millions of women love gin and spa breaks etc. Aren’t normal women charmingly referred to as “basic bitches” anyway? So they must exist if they’ve made up a new term for it.

Most people aren't 'normal' imho. We all have our likes, dislikes and different temperaments. Someone saying 'you are not normal' doesn't bother me.
I feel like the word 'normal' is best reserved for situations where it is actually meaningful, such as in a scientific context or describing how something works/is - e.g. it is normal for the temperatures to be lower in December than in July.

But this is what I mean. Why do we get dove and spa break vouchers pushed at us not things related to our interests?
Or why can we only exist in the media if we are dressed in a 'standard' sort of way?

Yes, that’s definitely tiresomely ordinary.

OP, these are ads. They are designed to sell you something. Do you likewise complain that chisel-jawed men do not usually spend their days driving spectacularly clean cars through lava fields to stirring music? Or that extremely pretty dentists don’t dash about wincing at icecream talking about their own choice of sensitive-teeth toothpaste, middle-aged couples dance happily around their houses in nightwear (Viagra), or that Claudia Winkleman’s fringe almost certainly benefits from something other than a bog-standard anti-dandruff shampoo?

@IsabelleHuppert I get that but in none of those worlds do people think 'oh she's a woman so she must like X,Y,Z' as a present

The adverts are basically aspirational, selling a lifestyle they think their product fits into. They don’t portray “normal” women.

I don’t drink gin and have never had a “spa day”. They do them at my gym but I’m not interested. All a mystery to me. I dress in clothes I think flatter me. I love rugby, aircraft and cameras. Trains not so much. Like a bit of supernatural horror but as far as true crime goes, I’m interested in unsolved ones, but not going over and over the details of Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer’s crimes.

Aren’t they like the people in Holywood wives etc living a surreal superficial existence (I don’t watch these so could be wrong -DD does)

I can confidently say I’ve never had a dove or spa break voucher advertised to me. Ever. Maybe now that I’ve written the words down on my phone, the algorithm will pick it up and I will see them regularly now

They definitely do! There are so many “I’d rather be on the golf course” mugs or Fathers Day cards based on wine, cars, football and other male/dad stereotypes.

It's related a bit to the trans discussion. I don't know how can people can say that they feel they should be a woman when I don't know what that feels like. I know society treats me as one. But I have never once woken up and 'felt like a woman' I just feel all the 'normal' complexity of being a person.

Sounds like your male friend believes in stereotypes of femininity.

I love true crime... does that make me quirky and alternative? 😅 I also like gardening, paganism, burlesque, creative writing, gardening, face masks and festivals. I think I'm just as unique as everyone else.

This. There is no universal "woman feeling." I am a biological adult human female and cannot tell you how it feels to be a woman. I just am one.

Because spas and car manufacturers have large advertising budgets. Honestly, when was the last time you visited your local climbing wall? They run it on a shoestring. Do you really think they have the kind of money to buy TV adverts?

My SM feed is full of things I am interested in - that's what smaller advertising budgets can achieve very well.

Feeling like a woman is not about physical appearance or hobbies.

It’s about the standard, “hidden” misogyny women experience on a daily basis. It’s about attitude to women in the workplace, expectations towards them as mothers, passing comments that we only as women perceive as offensive. It’s about not feeling safe to walk home at night from the train station. It’s about being so much more likely to fall victim of a sexual assault from a stranger than a man.

I say this as someone who enjoys equal policies and conditions at work, is privileged enough to have friends and family who respect women, and walked through the city at 1am last night to get home.

I’m not afraid to be a woman. But I know what it is like to be. Feeling like a woman is not about dresses and spa breaks. It’s about not enjoying the safety and privileges men do.

I'm sure many of us can list a bunch of things that make us feel like a woman, an adult human female. Most of which I expect adult human males can never or have never experienced.

Which people? Advertising people? Of course they do! Look at Father’s Day cards — the vast majority feature a weirdly limited view of masculinity. I was in a big card shop buying one for my dad a couple of weeks ago, and the available cards’ imagery fell into a small number of categories. Golf, beer, fast cars, DIY. My father is teetotal, has zero interest in sport, drives an old Clio, and will change a lightbulb if necessary. It just means he doesn’t fit into key marketing categories as decided by card designers.

Why is the trans debate on Mumsnet always exclusively in terms of men who feel like women and not women who feel like men - who also exist?

Who is ‘we’ here?

How are you only seeing adverts for ‘Dove and spa break vouchers’ because I see a lot more ads than that.

I think it’s pretty telling that you seem to think women who like spa breaks, gin and skincare can’t possibly also like other things. Your attitude reeks of internalised misogyny.