attending wedding alone with baby

[BluePandaGreen]

A friend of mine is having a very small wedding and invited me DH and our 3 Month old, we were happy to accept the invite several months ago.

DH has a schedule with his older son (7) where he is with us every other weekend Fri to sun and the alternate weeks he will spend Saturday with his near his other home as he lives 1.5 hrs away. (Ex moved city after they split 6 years ago. I have been with DH 3 yrs)

A couple of days ago DH informed me that he had made the assumption it was a one day weekend but actually it wasn't and his ex has plans for that Sunday so DStepS is with us all weekend. My friend said she can accommodate DSS at the ceremony but not the reception which is completely fair (wedding is just 2 weeks away) and very small) so now I have to go to the wedding by myself with the baby. I am so disappointed with DH for not agreeing this date months ago! I never want him to miss time with DSS but they could agreed for the same amount of time to have fallen differently if planned in advance, as they often do.
I find it hard to eat and socialise with people i don't know with the baby (I will only know the bride and groom who will be busy). People just see that one dimension of you and eating one handed is so tiresome, as is managing nappy changing. I feel like this one night out I had been looking forward to for months and months has been ruined and i cannot get over how disappointed I feel. It's keeping me up tonight and sleep is a precious commodity for me these days. Basically I cannot change the situation it is what it is now but Id appreciate you all reading this vent and helping me understand why this seems to be hitting me so hard and how I can let it go. This sort of thing has happened many times on a smaller scale as I guess is normal for step families and normally I bounce back fine but today its really got to me. I think it's something to do with how much i was looking forward to it and now I'm dreading it. Help! i don't want to feel this mad/disappointed for the next 2 weeks and beyond.

Were you booked into a hotel or something or staying at home? Can your DH not look after baby for some of the time?

I'm EBF so I can't really leave the baby. Staying at home but it's a bit of a distance away.

Can you get a babysitter for stepson?

Thanks for the suggestion. I don't want him to lose his time with his.dad in the end just so i can have my night! Something to consider in future though, thank you.

Babysitter for the stepson.

To normalise the relationship between father and son he needs to act like a father, not a babysitter/fun uncle/cousin. Fathers sometimes arrange alternative care because they have lives that cannot totally revolve around a single child.

Stepson must be a member of your family, not a guest. It can cause a lot of issues later on with half siblings if this doesn't start being true before the baby gets old enough to notice.

You won’t be leaving your baby with the baby sitter. Pp was suggesting a baby sitter for the 7 year old. Your friend has kindly welcomed your dss to the wedding (so you are not on your own with the baby during the wedding) but not for the reception.

Hire a babysitter for the few hours of the reception and you and your husband can still have an evening together.

If your dss’s mum has plans on that Sunday and cannot reschedule that’s just life. This is the normal schedule for dh’s son to stay with his dad. That’s part of life. He and his ex have done nothing wrong. Your anger is misplaced.

Focus on finding a solution. FWIW I remember being a breastfeeding mum to a newborn and if you go to the reception by yourself, you will manage fine.

If you know some of the other guests I am sure that they would love to have a cuddle with your baby. (That’s if you are comfortable with letting people hold your baby). And it will give you a rest and free up your hands to eat.

You could also bring a baby carrier to put baby in.

Lot’s of ways to handle the situation. The only thing that could really ruin your enjoyment of the wedding is resentment. But you are totally free not to feel that way.

Relax, hope you have a lovely time at the wedding.

I just saw your edit. I was responding to the pp before the edit.

Thanks that's a good point. I'm trying to be really careful to make sure DSS is a part of the family and also does not feel resentment to new sibling and that he is losing out on something. Thanks for reminding me it's about showing balance between full sibs and halfsibs alike. DSS has actually been really great to his brother so far I really hope to help them build a good relationship

Can a grandparent babysit stepson? Stay nearby etc? That's what many do if it's a child free wedding.

Thanks I misread before so edited! Thanks ImustLearn2Cook your response is reassuring that I can find a way to handle it

Unfortunately no grandparents in the country but we will all go and visit them soon DSS included :)

Get a hotel nearby.

After the reception, DSS goes back to the hotel for a McDonald's and a film with a babysitter. You guys do the meal.

Then DH takes the baby back with him for an hour or two while you stay on for some socialising. He can have a games night with DSS.

If you feed the baby before he goes, that should buy you some time. Then jump in a tax back to the hotel.

Or reverse it, so he takes the baby and goes for dinner/bowling with DSS, then leaves him with a babysitter and rejoins you for a couple of hours.

To add, I absolutely understand why you feel the way you do. I'm sure I'd feel the same. You're exhausted, you've decided yourself to being "mum" for months and you were looking forward to this one night out, with your husband.

You're allowed to feel disappointed. But hopefully we can help you fix it.

Could a good friend come to the wedding with you in place of DH? I'm sure the happy couple wouldn't mind as they'd just be taking DH's place and it would be an extra set of hands for baby and support for you xx

Can't husband and stepson come to the wedding , take SS away for the meal the come back in the evening. Obviously you'll have to keep the baby with you if EBF , unless the baby will take expressed milk ?

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. Feel much better today I think I was tired and cranky before and you are all right there are plenty of ways to still have a fun evening. Will investigate some of the options suggested, some really good ones, and will plan something else fun to look forward to as well in case, as I think Chaosmoon hit the nail on the head about it being more about looking forward to the evening than it being a big issue. Thank you!

Look for slightly older ladies who take a big interest in the baby, mention to them that your arms ache and you wish your husband could have come. One of them will offer to hold baby for a bit.

Express enough milk and leave baby with daddy. Enjoy the peace and quiet and eat a warm meal with no interruptions

Hi! My DH can rarely come to anything with me. Some years ago I was invited to a wedding and I was EBF à 6 month old DS, we also have another DS who was 4 at the time. I took them on a plane and enjoyed the adventure. DS 6 months was in a sling so I had a dance with him and the 4 year old. We stayed on site. I thought I might be able to use a baby monitor and put them to bed but we slept in another building too far away so that was not an option. We had fun, I had fun and I am glad that I went even if I went to bed à lot earlier than everyone else. People are kind. We even booked an extra night in a nearby major European city to explore. 4 year old walked, baby in the ergo, luggage in the pushchair

I ebf my 3 kids and I made darn sure a bottle wouldn't be refused outright . Yes some fussing with the older 2 as I was lax in trying . But for a day/ night out for such a special time I would try to have babe onboard as far as a Bottle can be offered . Take your mum or bf instead of your hubs if need be to support you and do the feeds and go to bed early to sort out bubs!

I'd take baby and go without DH. Either stay in hotel or drive back.