Wedding or MBA

[TheHappyShark]

So this is a long one. My fiancé and I are planning our intimate wedding for summer 2025. Quick snap shot of our lives, I am 29 and DP is 33. We own a 1 bed flat in Zone 2 in London and have a combined salary of £156k. We have £35k in savings with potentially £20k coming from my parents when / if they sell their home and downsize (waiting for the market to improve) both our parents said they would gift us £5k each for our wedding (we are very grateful). For context I currently pay their mortgage as they have hit hard times, so I’m not able to save myself. This is not inheritance.

Anyway, we feel like we are at a very strange part of our lives. The last few yrs, DP has been going to Ireland for work every week (flying out on a Monday and back on a Thursday) this is coming to an end and we want to get into a normal pattern at home and live as a couple more than just visitors at the weekend. A big part of that is buying a bigger flat / house which we are aiming to do next year. This would take the majority of our savings which is fine.

this leaves us to most likely taking out a loan to pay for the wedding. We have costed a wedding at an iconic london venue for 60 people to be £26k (£16k after parents gifts) this doesn’t include our outfits which we would self fund from our salary or credit cards. Speaking to DP, he’s frustrated at his lack of work progression - this is totally self inflicted. He’s on £91k and is an Associate Director at 33. I’m so proud of him and tell him so, the issue is he wants to take on more responsibility at work and thinks he needs an MBA to do so. Looking online, this will cost about the same as a wedding from a decent uni.

I actually don’t care about the wedding, I want to be married to him and start a family. A £25k wedding seems frivolous to me but it’s important to him as he wants a day to share with his friends and family / wants to have a memorable day which he can look back on. I have said let’s take out the same loan amount but pay for the MBA but this has caused fights - he feels like I’m trying to avoid the big wedding when actually I’m trying to provide a solution for him. also I see it as a long term investment- it will enable him to make career progress , that is worth more than one day. Especially as we want to start a family soon.

what do you think ? Wedding or MBA?

Smaller wedding at less iconic venue. Halve the budget. Then think about MBA separately: is it really needed/worthwile?

I don't think MBA is necessary. I worked in that industry, albeit 20 years ago. However, I would not pay that for a wedding. Have a small wedding with just family.

I chose a professional qualification and a cheap wedding and zero regrets 25 years later.
I’d do a nice register office and meal/drinks after with close family and friends. Cut out most of wedding fluff.

Personally, I think spending 26k on a wedding day is nuts.

Wedding if you're planning to have kids! Are you new to mumsnet? Take a look at the HUNDREDS of threads where women regret not getting married first.

Imagine twenty five thousand pounds in £20 notes. Bundles of them in a wheelbarrow.

Walk down your zone 2 street throwing them in the air / passing to family / giving to neighbours / watching them blow over the rooftops.

At the end of the street you are handed:
a) a wedding photo album
b) an MBA qualification

You still have each other regardless.

I wouldn’t go into debt for a wedding. If parents are gifting 10k as a wedding gift then that’s all I would spend on a wedding including attire. I’d rather put the money down on a house.

I wouldn't dream of blowing £26k on a wedding. You could have a fantastic celebration with friends and family on a fraction of that. You don't need an iconic venue/loads of expense to make it a special and memorable day.

That said, I'm sceptical about whether he really needs an MBA. For context, I have one. I was sponsored to do mine so it only cost me the time and effort to do the work, and I'm glad I did it but I am afraid I don't believe that it would have been worth the fees if I had had to pay. Most people on mine were sponsored by their employers, very few were self funding. Could he not get some kind of sponsorship from his employer?

I'd be going for a cheap wedding personally, and putting what we saved towards the house!

Sure, but you can get married on a shoestring. You don't need a £26k wedding!

He sounds tiresome. He’s on £91k (that’s very specific, BTW, wouldn’t most people say £90k - suggests a level of obsession about comparative salary) but isn’t happy with that, and you have to keep telling him how proud you are of him. Wants a wedding in an “iconic” venue (big show off).

My advice. Stop having these conversations with him at all. Him: oh, I’m so frustrated I’m not cock of the walk in all aspects of my life. Old you: you’re cock of the walk to me, you perfect specimen of manhood. New you: mmm hmm, can you put the laundry on while I make the dinner?

Oh, and don’t take any money off the parents who can’t afford their mortgage.

I pay my parents mortgage (£2.5k a month). This is far from ideal but it’s our reality

So for context we are very frugal people. We haven’t had a foreign holiday since pre pandemic - we support both our parents and pay off all credit cards each month. For my 30th, we are doing no gifts and going to fancy restaurant. That’s it

I actually agree that with the idea of wanting to mark the day with a fun celebration and if a £26k wedding is what we want then fine. we are young once, and TBf we can afford it. Also it would be AMAZING and I would throughly enjoy it.

I am more thinking of how to support him - he feels frustrated so an MBA could solve it.

We both are but he wants to move away from the technical day to day client work, more into the running of the business so he can get to c-suite and then maybe go to industry. A lot of heads of have MBAs

Sorry we are not show off people. We work incredibly hard for our money ( note he’s away from home / me / family & friends for the majority of the week. Weekends are spent on laundry and catching up ) this would be the first and only time we “blew the budget” as it were for a wedding. But I’m therapy you only get married once and I hint want to regret.

I am more thinking of how to support him - he feels frustrated so an MBA could solve it

Babes, don’t fall into this trap. He’s fine. He’s on a massive salary, you’ve got a flat in zone 1, you can afford to spaff £26k on a wedding. And he’s got this handmaiden who he doesn’t buy birthday presents for and seems to think it’s her job to eliminate all his cares and worries like a Stepford wife.

Step 1 towards a future equal marriage: tell him what you want for your birthday.

Thanks to all those who are saying do a wedding cheaper. I actually think that’s the worst of both worlds. It’s like being hungry and going to McDonalds. You pay for a frozen burger, small portions and watery drink. Not satisfied and regretful after you ate it but, sure you have had lunch.

a cheap wedding is the same, cut corners and it’s obvious we were skimping out. Picking a non london venue which is inconvenient for all, including us. And has no special meaning to DP who wants to get married In a CoE church, not some random registry wedding. Plus when you look back when you’re 80, do you care that you took a loan or do you look back at the amazing day.

also like I have said, we skimp on a lot. We don’t buy designer, bought his parents old car, all furniture second hand and I do have a side hustle. It feels like this is our one indulgence. And if you can’t make a fuss on your wedding day, when can you ?

He def needs to speak to people whether MBA is needed whether it would really have an impact as any full time course has opportunity cost - I would look for your consulting firm to sponsor an MBA not self fund

I am in consulting, no MBA, partner level - so not everyone has one - but as PP mentioned depends where you are trying to go / how necessary

You have £35k in savings but want to take a loan for your wedding?
You are paying your parents mortgage and yet they are going to gift you £5k and another £20k when they sell?
You earn £156k between you yet you can't pay for the MBA or the wedding without a loan?
This doesn't make sense. Why can't you save significantly more - are your outgoings that high? Even with paying your parents mortgage - and frankly if their mortgage is that high and they are struggling they need to sell. The market is not going to change much in the next couple years and it seems ridiculous that you are paying off one loan and considering another.
Also, can he get his MBA part time and surely pay for it out of his income?

Sorry it’s Zone 2 and for context I don’t pay a penny to our flat - all my money goes to my parents. Never once had an issue with this, gets on great with my parents and understands the situation. Often have to fight him to go Dutch on date nights and know he has bought me a gift despite asking him not to.

I have massive panic attacks and be spends hrs talking me down on the phone in a different country. I am just trying to return the favour and problem solve for him. Like a partner would.

i am not a handmaiden. We are a partnership.

I’m not going to give you a line by line breakdown of our income and outgoings if that’s ok ? My parents have a bond they would cash out and gift.

you have to demonstrate funds to a bank for a mortgage so if we used our savings for the wedding we would go to 0. Taking out a loan for a deposit would get flagged by a bank so we have to keep our savings safe for house buying.

Please don't take out a loan for a wedding - never go into debt for that.

I can't comment on the MBA other than to say that of the 25-35 yr old I know not one has done one or as plans to do so, but this of course could be industry specific - your DP needs to check this out.

And really - all your salary is going to your parents for their mortgage ? You really have got your finances all kinds of mixed up. Paying £2.5k each month on someone else's mortgage is crazy, when you're contemplating taking out a loan for a big wedding. The housing market won't be changing overnight so you need to give some urgent thought as to stopping this pretty darn pronto as it will have major implications for your financial security. How do you propose to pay the bills if your still paying £2.5k for your parents mortgage each month, on maternity pay, paying off the loans for your big wedding and an MBA.

Actually forget the MBA - you both need to sit down with a financial adviser who can get your finances straight

What a horrible attitude.

I mean, blow your money on a flashy, ostentatious wedding if you want to and can afford to. It's your money, after all. But then, why ask random strangers on the Internet for their opinion?

And why be so snooty about cheaper weddings that aren't in expensive "iconic venues"? Many people simply couldn't afford to waste £26k on a wedding, and many more would consider it wrong to do so. Each to their own, but who are you describe less showy weddings as "skimping out"?

Paying £2.5k a month for your parents mortgage seems to be the real issue here.

How long is that likely to go on? Are you planning to pay it off?

I wouldn't spend £26k on a wedding, you can have a nice day for much less, and still do the MBA.

Up to you both what you decide to spend your money on - our wedding was the best day of our lives - registry office and a huge party with all our family & friends at our local. Cost nowhere near £6k with 150 guests and we all have the best memories as it was so personal to us.
I contemplated an MBA about 15 years ago (would have had a huge discount due to my other professional qualifications) but it really wouldn't have helped my career at all, even back then.
Def encourage him to research just how much value it will add to his career progression, as I really don't think it's anywhere near as much as he imagines.