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Original poster

To think he should have cleaned it?

18 replies

Dimond85 · 16/06/2024 14:11

So last night my boyfriend was looking in the fridge and pulled out the bottom drawer. He picked up a bottle of sauce he uses and showed me how it had all leaked in the drawer. He then just closed the drawer and walked away.

I called him out on it later that night about how he'd noticed a problem but specifically chosen not to deal with it and to let me do it. He told me he was planning to clean it but had forgotten. He then asked me if I had cleaned it. I had just cleaned it but I told him I was waiting a while to see if he would. He told me that was unfair to expect him to do it when 'we live together and we are a partnership'

Hes ridiculously messy and won't do anything round the house without being asked, he's a manchild basically.

If I saw something had leaked in the fridge I'd clean it straight away, not him apparently. He was playing video games with his brother so had to get back to that lol.

Any advice for dealing with men who weaponise incompetence around the house?

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 16/06/2024 14:13

He noticed it first then he should have cleaned it. He sounds quite immature.

GrazingSheep · 16/06/2024 14:13

I would leave them. Could not bear to waste my life with someone like that.

summeronion · 16/06/2024 14:50

So last night

and you have been stewing on this since then?

Skyrainlight · 16/06/2024 15:50

I think it's fair enough he didn't do it right away, but I would have left him to do it later. My advice would be not to clean up after him all the time. To agree a chore schedule and write it down where he can access it if he forgets, and then to remind him if he forgets. I think you also need to realise that not everyone likes to live the same way, so he may prefer to be relaxed and untidy, while it sounds like you prefer everything in it's place and it's not up to him to be the only one to change to meet your standards, so you may need to end up doing more work if your standards are different to what he is happy with, but there is a middle ground.

ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 15:51

Move out or chuck him out. This isn't going to get better

ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 15:52

Skyrainlight · 16/06/2024 15:50

I think it's fair enough he didn't do it right away, but I would have left him to do it later. My advice would be not to clean up after him all the time. To agree a chore schedule and write it down where he can access it if he forgets, and then to remind him if he forgets. I think you also need to realise that not everyone likes to live the same way, so he may prefer to be relaxed and untidy, while it sounds like you prefer everything in it's place and it's not up to him to be the only one to change to meet your standards, so you may need to end up doing more work if your standards are different to what he is happy with, but there is a middle ground.

Yeah don't start cleaning it up
Let it get shit and disgusting

Aquamarine1029 · 16/06/2024 15:53

Hes ridiculously messy and won't do anything round the house without being asked, he's a manchild basically.

Forewarned is fair warned. I really hope you're not daft enough to think he'll magically become a different person if you ever live together. He'll get worse. Stop wasting your time and get rid.

ShowerOfShites · 16/06/2024 15:54

Any advice for dealing with men who weaponise incompetence around the house?

Well yes, stop cleaning up his mess obviously 😳

I had just cleaned it

More fool you.

ThinWomansBrain · 16/06/2024 15:55

tell hum to move out.
Live by yourself or with an adult.

Listress · 16/06/2024 15:56

If I saw something had leaked in the fridge I'd clean it straight away, not him apparently. He was playing video games with his brother so had to get back to that lol.

He’s telling you everything you need to know - where his priorities lie. I’d be cutting this fish loose and chucking it back, things won’t get better and you’ve said yourself he’s a man child. Do not spend your life wiping this man’s arse for him.

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 16/06/2024 15:58

"Hes ridiculously messy and won't do anything round the house without being asked, he's a manchild basically.

If I saw something had leaked in the fridge I'd clean it straight away, not him apparently. He was playing video games with his brother so had to get back to that lol.

Any advice for dealing with men who weaponise incompetence around the house?"

GET. RID.

thinkfast · 16/06/2024 16:02

DH used to be like this, long long ago so I dumped him and he moved out. I told him it showed a total lack of respect for me and for my time if he couldn't pull his weight. After a couple of weeks he realised his mistake, we made up and have been happy together ever since. He more than pulls his weight and is a huge support. A total rock. I couldn't have put up with the behaviour you're describing OP.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 16:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

EveningSpread · 16/06/2024 16:13

Have a calm conversation where you explain you want a fair, equitable, adult relationship, where you both clean up after yourselves and do half the housework each.

Explain to him that if he leaves it all to you, it shows he doesn’t respect you, your time or your home. Thar if he does’t pull his weight, he’ll look childish, incompetent and unattractive, you’ll be unable to respect him, full of resentment and the relationship will fail.

Explain that you would prefer to be a team of adult equals. Agree a way to split the household tasks roughly down the middle. Don’t do his for him. Ever.

If he refuses, or doesn’t follow through, he expects you to be his maid or mother and has no respect for you. He won’t change. So then you decide what to do.

AutumnFroglets · 16/06/2024 16:19

I had just cleaned it but I told him I was waiting a while to see if he would. He told me that was unfair to expect him to do it when 'we live together and we are a partnership'

Wow OP, and you accepted that? He's got you well trained hasn't he. He's abusing you so now you need to figure why YOU think you are so worthless that this is all you are good for. His maid.

Get some boundaries and some self esteem asap, and get rid of this parasite that will drag you down until you are too broken to leave. You are worth so much more than this.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/06/2024 16:36

Leave or kick him out. And at the first opportunity go ffing nuclear. I'd have taken his PlayStation or whatever and plonked it right in the middle of the fridge "sauce"

Do not tolerate this. He is showing you exactly what he thinks of you.

ChrisPPancake · 16/06/2024 17:51

Any advice for dealing with men who weaponise incompetence around the house?

To think he should have cleaned it?
BobbyBiscuits · 16/06/2024 17:55

You shouldn't have cleaned it. If he hadn't done it after a couple of hours I'd just shame him and ask his brother if he leaves sauces smeared around the inside of his fridge? When he says no, say well...and stare at your bf till he goes in and does it. Lol

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