I have a friend I will call Sarah who I have know for 5 years. 3 years ago she left her husband for a man at work (I will call Sam) Sam is from a strict religious background, different to Sarah's, and is also a fair bit younger. None of her friends and family were happy about them getting together, for various reasons which would be too outing to state.
In the 3 years they have been together, things have been up and down. Sam will only see Sarah a couple of times a month, she is a secret from his friends and family, she doesn't even know where he lives. He doesn't treat her well, turns up hours late, has never stayed over at her house, doesn't take her anywhere nice.....but despite all this she is deeply in love with him and she puts up with snippets of his attention, just to stay in his life.
Last year Sam suddenly blocked Sarah out of the blue. She was devastated. He sent her a message after a few days saying he was stressed and to not contact him. This came as a massive shock as he had never mentioned this and she had met up with him a few days before, everything was fine. About 3 weeks later he unblocked her and they spoke, he said he was feeling better and could they get back together. She jumped at the chance.
A few weeks ago Sam confessed to Sarah that during the period he blocked her last year, he had infact got engaged to another girl and was going to marry her via an arranged marriage! He said he briefly moved in with the girl and they had sex, but the girl found messages from Sarah on his phone, so the engagement ended.
Sarah is obviously distraught and I have been there throughout, listening to her thoughts and trying to help her look to the future and forget about Sam. She has also confessed she was never happy with the lack of time they spent together and the lies,/ feeling 2nd best to his family/ religion and that Sam didn't treat her well . She was like his dirty secret.
I do not feel he has told her the full truth around the engagement. I believe he is married and the engagement was not called off, however none of us will ever know as we know virtually nothing about him. The name he uses isn't even his actual name we have found out recently.
My issue is that I would consider Sarah a good friend but not one of my best friends. I have met her this week and she told me she contacted Sam and basically begged him back. This is after she told me she hates him and realises she can do so much better, and that she could never see a long term future with him. Sam said he didn't want to get back together.
She accepted he will marry someone in his community, and she could not be part of his actual life, just his bit on the side.
After all the ups and downs, and this latest drama, I don't think I can support Sarah anymore if she goes back to Sam. I fully believe they will get back together, obviously on Sam's terms, as by begging him back, Sarah has given him the green light to do whatever he wants.
And I want to make it clear, Sarah's relationship with her husband was not abusive, she gradually fell out of love with him and then met Sam. She is also a strong woman with a good job and supportive family. She is not short of male attention when we go out. She could do so much better. I know your heart can rule your head, and even though I didn't think the relationship was any good for Sarah, I accepted it as it's her decision. But after he has now confessed to cheating and getting engaged, I cannot understand why she would want him back. He will obviously do it again and he will never marry Sarah (he has said in the past he would, but later confessed this could never happen).
My question is, when they inevitably get back together, do I finish the friendship, as I don't think I can go through all the drama again, plus I'm seeing Sarah in a whole new light of doormatness. She agrees with what I say then does the complete opposite.
Ainbu to finish the friendship if/when they get back together ,or aibu to finish the friendship, and I should stick around no matter what and support Sarah?