To feel left out?

[IncognitoUsername]

DH got tickets for an event today - something DS really wanted to do. When we checked the diary I had a prior commitment that I felt (morally) obliged to keep. Neither event could be changed.
So we kept this a secret from DS and surprised him this morning. He was thrilled and they have set off. I know they will have a fab father and son day together. But we always do things as a trio so I’m really sad that I’m missing out. DH felt that I could have said I couldn’t go to the prior commitment be I felt I should as I had already agreed to it and it’s connected to my work.
Please either tell me to snap out of it and get on with it, or that my feelings are understandable!

Its FOMO. But you need to snap out of it.

You chose not to go so you aren't being left put of anything.

No point feeling left out when that's not what happened and won't improve your day.

And also, if you usually do things as a trio it will be quite nice for ds to have some extra one on one time with his dad. One on one time is important. Maybe you could do something just with your ds another time.

I understand why you feel a bit left out.
But you should give yourself a pat on the back because you have not only done the right thing and fulfilled your own commitments but you have also enabled your family to have an enjoyable time together.
So well done you.

It's really beneficial for them to spend time without you

I would be happy that they could spend time together, just the two of them.

Completely understandable - but it's really good for parents to spend time with their kids one on one. And it's far better to do things separately than for your child to miss out completely. You'll get your turn at doing something together without your husband, I'm sure. It's all good.

Please either tell me to snap out of it and get on with it, or that my feelings are understandable!

This isn’t an either/or situation. You can recognise your (very valid) feeling AND snap out of it.

It’s brilliant that they’ve gone off to do something together, and if this is the first time then it’s a step in a brilliant direction: both you and DH can now plan some things independently with DS as well as continuing to do most things together.

I would think it makes a lot more sense for them to go together especially on fathers day than to always do things as a trio. I get you're disappointed to be missing out but it's so important to have that time to do things 1-1 with parents.

Kids doing things with one parent is completely normal and quite important to their development and their relationship with each parent individually.

You can still be upset and feel like you're missing out even though you have done 'the right thing'.

I do get how you feel - I think it's so important that my DH and DS have their own time together especially as I get plenty of solo time with DS and I'm the 'default' parent a lot of the time. But sometimes it does mean missing out on stuff I'd like to be there for and see DS enjoying himself. The FOMO is tough but I just tell myself that it's better for us all in the longer term.

I understand how you feel, but it's great that DS and DH are having a day out together.

We have days out as a trio too, but I like times when it's just me and DS and I know DH enjoys time spent just him and DS. And DS definitely chooses to do certain things with one of us.

It's a good thing 🙂

Thanks for your replies. When I say we do things as a trio I mean events like these - DH and DS spend time together every week at a sports club. It doesn’t help that their event will be fun and exciting and is something we all love, whilst mine will be long and dull and more of a ‘duty’ thing. I’ve been fine about them going until this morning when they left.

Think of it as a gift to them - it’s important they have Father’s Day together. There will be many more chances to do fun things the 3 of you

One on one time with a parents is SO beneficial to kids. Take this as a sign to start doing things alone with your DS more often. Once a month. It's so good for them. DS is 3 and will tell me "you can't come mummy, it's guy time" and will equally say "I want it to be just me and you, I want mummy time."

I get how you feel; I often feel that way when DH has the kids while I go to work even though it was specifically planned that way, I think it’s normal

If you usually do things together I don’t understand why you’d schedule a work commitment for Father’s Day.

These events happen a lot in families, look forward to the next outing with all of you.

I'm not sure about op, but I have no idea when these days are until the shops are full of signs - and I didn't know it was father's day until I saw it on this thread. My local shop is selling stuff for it, but didn't have all the signage like they do for mother's day. It would be very easy to agree to do something without realising that it's a 'day'.

I didn’t schedule it. It’s a civic thing - much bigger and more important than me!