To want to look nicer

[2024ccz]

Growing up in a really strict family we were not allowed to look nice. Even now I have no care how I look but truthfully I would sometimes like to look nice. Not for an event or anything just maybe feel good about myself just going shopping or for a coffee kind of thing. I’m okay with makeup and hair but just clothes I don’t know. I live in skinny jeans and ballet pumps. I’m not overweight but I feel frumpy. I’m not slim but just average I suppose. I’m not on social media actively but do have an account I’m sure I can remember log in details for! could someone point me in right direction of dressing nicer kind of areas? I don’t know the terminology but I think I’m looking for inspiration type places online. I often hide myself because I feel ugly, I don’t want to avoid photos with my kids because I feel ugly

ive tried to get away from skinny jeans but feel even uglier and fatter in wide leg jeans. I feel thinner in skinny jeans and leggings.

Pinterest for outfit ideas. Say you have a green blazer you'd type in green blazer outfits and it'll show you ideas.
There are loads on pages on Instagram too but you'll end up buying loads of clothes and having no outfits if that makes sense.
Try Pinterest first, search outfits for items you already have xx

@arghhhhthatisall thank you! x

You need to work with what suits you and you like yourself in. If that's skinny jeans and leggings then so be it. Loads of women of all ages look great in them. Why not Google outfit ideas for skinny jeans or celebrities in skinny jeans and see if there's anything you think would liven them up a bit.

As you were brought up strictly to possibly see looking nice as ‘vanity’ I wonder whether some counselling could be useful for you as a start Then when you have built up some confidence perhaps invest in yourself by getting your colours done. You could also learn through online videos about your body shape and the styles which would suit you. I think it’s exciting that you want to look nice and I hope you enjoy discovering colours styles and fabrics which suit you and which you will love wearing

Thank you!

You could start with a search for midsize style? There's Lottie drynan and Laura adlington, (one dress, two sizes) and one called Hannah

There's a blog https://anindigoday.com/ways-to-update-your-basic-millennial-outfit/

I am a midsize midlife millennial, I am slowly trying to incorporate some more up to date bits and bobs into my rotation of favourite outfits (skinnies,breton, converse anyone?!?). I'm aiming to tweak rather than overhaul.

There's a nice one on FB jennie Jacob I think but I can check if you like. Basically the good old standbys (ballet flats etc) are not wrong, but could be better. That kind of thing I find more inspiring than thinking that I have to somehow start my style journey from scratch.

Maybe add in tanning drops and a nice nail colour if you don't already. (Especially given the lack of sunshine we've had lately!)

Thank you so much!

I mean ballet pumps are back in fashion again now! But I know what you mean and definitely think you’ve got some good suggestions already for looking on social media. Pinterest is definitely going to be helpful for you.
I think the jeans is the hardest part to change and it’s important to feel comfortable, so maybe for now stick with the skinny jeans / leggings and tweak the shoes and tops you wear.
Maybe have a look for a nice chunky sandal for summer, possibly some high top converse and then some chelsea boots or low heeled boots for the colder months.
This can be a really fun time for you to experiment :) You can work out if you prefer smarter tops / a blazer or oversized T-shirts and jumpers.
Do you have any friends who enjoy shopping? You could always ask someone to go with you and just try on loads of stuff and get their opinion. I’ve done this with my mum and we make it a fun experience. Choose a shop and then both go and choose a few items for the other one to try on that you think would look good on them. We’ve quite often ended up buying something the other person has picked for us. Often it’ll be something you wouldn’t have chosen yourself. That can just be a fun way to try different styles and work out what suits you.

I have not got any advice but I had a similar upbringing. Do you mind me asking if you are still in contact with your family?

I am supposed to look smart but not attractive, no moisturiser or conditioner, soap and water only. My hair is going grey and I want to dye it but I can't. My hands are cracked and bleeding.

My mother keeps asking me if I have new shoes and I have to show her the soles to prove they are not new. I now feel too dowdy to even go into a clothes shop. I would be reluctant to buy anything new because I would be accused of trying to look nice.

Do you have haircuts and wear make-up?

I don't mean to derail but most people have not had this experience and they find joy in looking nice so I am interested to hear about your experience if it isn't too upsetting.

@Soapandwateronly im not really in contact with them, I’ll do the obligatory phone call and visit. Everytime I visit them my sisters look at me up and down and smirk so I wear the usual clothes and never anything different. I hate the way they make me feel. My mums whole reason was not to draw attention to me. I was when you get the most attractive of my sisters I suppose and she always made sure I was hidden away. I mostly wore mens shirts that were very loose with 2 pockets on the front to hide my developing breasts I think. She never let me wear anything else. I’m an adult now but her voice still rings in my head about not looking slutty and not drawing attention to myself.

The Facebook group Style Sisterhood is good.

If you're old enough for your hair to be going grey you are old enough to tell your mother to get stuffed! Seriously, do you live with her?
Go to the shop today, buy* *some nice shampoo and conditioner, some body oil/lotion and some hand cream/face cream.
Also, if you can afford it, buy the nicest new shoes you can and (use them to slap your awful mother across the face) wave the lovely new soles proudly in your mother's face.

@Soapandwateronly i agree with @TootGoesTheOwl goodluck and post some of your new outfits on here xx

A feminine blouse can really help dress up the jeans and ballet flats. Alternately, wearing the right colours for your complexion can really lift you. Too much black close to the face can be quite draining IMO. When I wear one of my 'colours' everyone immediately comments on how healthy and fresh-faced I look.

@TeamPolin how do you know what colours suit you?

I wanted to put it out there that I stick to monochrome (black, white, grey, khaki ) with a couple of accent colours in tops- I love sage green and rose pink.

It makes it so much easier to get dressed because everything goes but also for me personally I filter out the bright colours and high trend print stuff that doesn't work for my busy phase of life and if the fashion police arrest me that's what my fashion lawyer will tell them 😅

@2024ccz John Lewis does a free personal shopping 2 hour experience I did it last year and felt no pressure to buy anything at the end but I wanted to so I did. Would really recommend

I would advise taking more exercise if you are able as clothes are only the window dressing. If you can improve muscle tone and posture it makes a hell of a difference to how you carry yourself and may help you to feel more confident in whatever you wear. And that's without going into the health and wellbeing benefits.

Look up merricksart on Instagram if you can get back in.

@2024ccz you can get a colour analysis done by professional consultants (companies like 'colour me beautiful' do this) but it's very spendy.

Alternatively, maybe download a colour analysis app, and see if that gives you a clue. Or maybe have a chat with a personal shopper in a dept store and see if they can give you a steer... (Once you know what 'colour season' you are, Pinterest can be useful in finding clothes that are a good match.) I'm a 'soft summer', I like good in jewel tones like emerald, peacock blue etc. I look dreadful in yellow and most shades of grey.