To feel embarrassed re: school WhatsApp group

[2024ccz]

I suffer from anxiety so I appreciate this might not be something “normal” people stress or think about but I would appreciate some support and kindness please if possible:

A mum posted something about a known school thing but abbreviated the actual word. I was in work so quickly checking my phone and didn’t automatically register what the abbreviation meant so posted what that stands for. I switched my phone off and after work put it on and lots of people were sending laughing emoji’s about my question, I realised what the abbreviation stood for as one responded then lots of “lol” and lots of laughing faces. I felt slightly embarrassed but also why the hell abbreviate it and not write full word (it’s NOT PE, before anyone asks!). I can laugh at myself regarding this so it’s fine. But second incident:

Lots of chatter on my other child’s WhatsApp about summer clubs etc. i responded to but no one replied! I can’t be too identifying and write what I wrote but it was something that you would definitely respond to. It makes me think they don’t like me. I feel really embarrassed as my message is the last one on the chat and it’s just sitting there, everyone has read it but no one has responded. I feel like deleting it but everyone has read it so no point. But I feel shame when I look at my chats and no one has responded. The chat is very active but I find people don’t respond to me.

Lie down with a cold flannel on your face. Honestly I get it, but it's not worth getting worked up over.

If I was in the group this would automatically make me like you more 🤷‍♀️ we are all human and I love when people are a bit daft sometimes because it's endearing and makes me feel I'm not the only air head sometimes 🤣 we are all human and we all need a good laugh and learn to laugh at ourselves too. Don't over think it OP, and don't link people not responding to other issues with this! Honestly no one will think less of you and if they do they are a dick x

I can get like this sometimes too, it's hard. I do just tell myself now that if someone doesn't like me it's not my problem. My older two are in high school now, before you know it you won't need to worry at all about playground politics and parent whats app groups so just keep in mind these relationships aren't all that important so aren't worth getting stressed or upset about.

I would laugh off the first incident. Just reply to your original post and do so or leave it if you feel the moment has passed.

Does your child have good friends who go to holiday clubs? I think most parents want their child to go to a club with their friends so if they already have their cover planned and someone who isn’t good friends with their child posts, they probably don’t see the point in replying.

It’s hard sometimes not to feel it’s personal but I would keep replying and assume it’s not, because most people will at the least be civil and friendly to parents they have to keep seeing for many years.

Thank you all for understanding! I was bracing myself for usual Mumsnet comments like “you need therapy” and “your poor children”

so a bit more about the second incident- I said I would like my DS to go to a summer club this year so let me know what club and dates everyone has booked or thinking of booking and I will too as it will be nice for him to have friends going same time. He’s very friendly and I know he has lots of friends. No one has responded!

I can’t help this awful feeling in my stomach it’s like still there everytime I look at my phone. I have to keep checking my phone for work reasons even on weekends do I can’t not look at it.

Maybe it’s just that they haven’t yet booked anything? Same as you haven’t yet. I’m sure you will get some replies soon :)

These groups are chaotic and many people have some kind of social awkwardness. Easy to say but don’t take it personally.

People might not be as organised as you and not know what they’re doing. They might be waiting to speak with husband’s or MILs about childcare. Or waiting to hear back from family members or friends re: plans. Honestly, don’t sweat it. But do make plans for clubs and don’t rely on the what’s app group. Your kids can make friends at the clubs

For that, people potentially don't want to have the responsibility of their DC 'minding' yours as a prearranged thing. It's grand if they organically end up at the same club, but they might not want anything more than that. So maybe they're avoiding answering for that reason.

Maybe no one has anything booked yet? I sent a message with details of a holiday club on Friday morning and no one has replied but I just figure people are busy!

@2024ccz what a horrid bunch!

maybe they're all really disorganised & haven't booked anything yet🤣🤣

just ignore it all xx

ask his friends parents privately if he wants to do the same as them. Personally I'd try to book things where he might make new friends!!

You're assuming they were laughing laughingat you but picture this in a room. People would lsugh, and you could laugh at yourself too. Not that you did/said/typed anything that embarrassing
.
I get it though. I've cringed at my own messages on occasions!

The first mistake is fine. Anybody could do that.

Second is a bit demanding and needy. If I read that I’d immediately feel stifled by being pinned down by your plans rather than mine and I wouldn’t answer either.

you are over thinking, so some people had a chuckle at something you said, ( I didn't understand your explanation) I dont expect they thought for a moment it would upset you. And some messages dont get responses, depends on time of day, etc. Don't read so much into these things, it doesn't mean anything

@Screamingabdabz its a done thing though every holiday the month before people post the same this is exactly what someone posted in March for Easter hols: “hey thinking of sending X at club xyz, anyone else booked yet? Let me know as x won’t go if he doesn’t know anyone! Xx”.

that’s exactly what type of thing people post and get immediate response like: yes I’ll book too! Sounds good I’ll let you know when I booked and a thumbs up etc. I don’t think I’m needy or demanding! That message is what someone else posted NOT me btw. I sent very similar

You need to try to stop sweating the small stuff and I say that as someone who has a severe anxiety disorder.

These people aren’t important to you; they’re not your precious family or friends. They are people who happen to have had children the same time as you. Just that.

Gently, try to stay away from WhatsApp. Having anxiety means you can interpret things on it as your mind tells you so I would genuinely try to not let it affect me.

Focus on your own self worth, your esteem and maybe get some support from a trusted family member or friend.

Take care 🧡

I think they’ve just not committed to anything yet.

Oh apols then. I take it back. Maybe, like others have said, they haven’t made plans yet. Does your child have play dates with other children? Can you ask those mums in person?

Like @newyear2024 said in the second reply, the first is just a funny thing we all do sometimes. You just reply with "doh, brain fart, of course it is. Thanks all'.
End of. No-one will remember it tomorrow.

I said I would like my DS to go to a summer club this year so let me know what club and dates everyone has booked or thinking of booking and I will too as it will be nice for him to have friends going same time. He’s very friendly and I know he has lots of friends. No one has responded!

This however, I wouldn't have responded to either. It sounds like you are looking for a minder for your dc, so even if I had arranged it, I wouldn't advertise it.

I'd really just keep the class WhatsApp for things relating to school
'Is it a training day on Monday or are they back in?'
'Would people mind checking the names in the jumper their dc has come home in as dc has lost 2 this week and I wonder if someone has accidently put the wrong jumper on?'
etc.

Once you have / If you make closer friends from the school gate, you can have a smaller chat with a couple of others.

Forget about the first example of the abbreviated word. I'd have replied with an exclamation saying I read it too fast and laughing at myself.

The second example about the summer camp is something that happens regularly on one of my kid's classes groups. You may find that nearer the time people have booked their kids into the same week after all but they aren't committing to that just yet. Don't delete it. Just wait for someone else to put up another msg and yours won't be the last one you see.

I overthink too and that sort of thing bothered me more with DC1 than DC2. We even had some parents 'flounce' on DC1's whatsapp group because people didn't reply or agree with something they said. I tend to read and not write on the groups these days.

The wording of the second post was maybe an issue? Expecting everyone to let you know what they booked is a bit pushy. Maybe say something like "ds would love to go to X club with a friend, is anyone else going?"

But it's no big deal, maybe they just haven't booked anything yet.

I would archive the group then it won't send you notifications. Also see it as a group for making arrangements or sorting practical problems rather than making friends. Then you won't feel offended about replies or lack of.