To not renew tenancy with partner?

[sloshslosh]

Have been living with partner for three years in a rented apartment. The relationship is going very well.

The apartment however, is tiny. It’s really starting to annoy me. We always have shite everywhere because we have too much stuff and it’s too small. I do 70-80% of the cleaning and cooking too.

I’ve said to dp that I won’t renew the tenancy unless we get a weekly cleaner as I’m not doing it anymore. He says we don’t need a cleaner for a one bed apartment (because I do it!).

I would like to move to a bigger one bed or a two bed. I would like some ‘space’ where I can close the door and have me time. Currently the only place I’m alone is on the loo.

He wants to renew because it’s cheap. We can afford way more but obviously with rent it’s better to keep it low.

Are you planning to buy? If so how long? If it’s near future I’d hold out on the cheap place but if it’s not in the near future have some more space.

How come you are saddled with most of the cooking and cleaning? I wouldn't be buying a property with anyone without resolving that.

Just say the cleaning needs to be split between you both or a cleaner. If no to both those, don’t renew.

Cleaning should be split between both of you 100% I would make this clear for a start or a cleaner if that can't be agreed

He sounds like a Prince

Move into your own place and you can still date your DP.

You need to send the message loud and clear that you are not his housewife.

He clearly needs some time on his own to learn how to do his own cleaning etc, so he can see how filthy things get if you just leave them.

If he decides to live in a pig sty, then dump him and find someone who treats you like an equal and not a servant.

How old are you both @sloshslosh ? Are you 45+? Because if you are both young then I'm surprised because most women I know who are 40 or less wouldn't be doing almost all the housework, and the men wouldn't be that lazy as to let her. (Not in my world anyway, it's generally middle aged and older men who are lazy/won't do domestic chores.)

If you are younger, really think about whether you want this life. A lazy man who won't get a cleaner because his woman does everything, and living in a poky flat. Wouldn't be a life I would choose.

In an ideal world this would be fine, but from what the OP says, she can't afford to live on her own. MOST people can't actually!

We could both afford to live alone but wasting £2k a month in rent would be crazy (London).

So he likes that he has cheap rent and a skivvy in you?
What a prize you have there.
Will you have a cleaner several times a week with him if you were foolish enough to stay long term?
He's lazy. He will always be lazy.
Lazy men make shite partners and fathers.
Have a hard think and dump him.

Exactly this. @sloshslosh Why are you staying with this lazy, inconsiderate misogynist, individual? You say the relationship is going well, but it's not really is it? You're just a cross between his flatmate and his mum. Raise your bar. If you can afford to live alone as you claim, then dump this loser. Have some self respect!

Ths 65 year old doesn't do all the housework!

He’s not a misogynist, he “just doesn’t notice the dirt or mess” like I do.

I think part of the issue is that he grew up with full time live in staff who did all of the housework

He’s not a misogynist, he “just doesn’t notice the dirt or mess” like I do.

He knows he doesn’t have to bother with it, because you’ll do it. Just how he likes it. Ugh.