AIBU or Is She? Holiday planning!

[Welshgal72]

Trying to plan a fortnight away. My DP has a DD (25) who is going away herself mid-July; my DP is refusing to go the week before the DD travels as she will then not see her DD for three weeks. AIBU to find this a little strange and restricting? I have an adult DS and DD and wouldn't worry too much if I didn't see them for three weeks, as long as I was in touch with them. I know families are different but I can't help feeling this is a little too clingy.

Other dates are difficult due to work commitments and my DP is insisting on a June/July holiday.

Thanks lovely people.

She’s not leaving her 6 year old behind. I think she needs to get a grip. If other dates aren’t convenient work wise you should go ahead with what you’ve suggested.

How often does she see DD? I would find this odd with DH’s adult children but he doesn’t see them every week.

You don’t get to tell another adult what their preferences are. It doesn’t matter if you don’t share the same choices but you don’t get to tell your partner their choice or preference is overridden by yours.

Good grief! I see my 25yr old DC maybe 2 or 3 weekends a year and every third Christmas!

Give her the dates you can't be away and then let her book it.

Are dates difficult or impossible? You should try to reach a compromise.

If other dates are available then I don't think it's unreasonable to want to re-jig the holiday. It's important to your DP so I think you should find a compromise (just as if certain dates were important to you). My kids are only young pre-teens/teens at the moment, but I don't think I'll stop wanting to make time to see them when they hit their 20s. Your DP isn't saying they won't go away without DD, they just want to build a bit of family time too- I think that's nice tbh.

Yeh she needs to get a grip. Shes an adult, I’m sure she can still talk to her while your all away

Depends on their relationship.

But this is what the OP’s partner is doing, isn’t it?

You’re going to get all sorts of nasty replies here saying your oh is strange, but everyone’s different. There are plenty of people on here who wouldn’t be happy not seeing their partner for 3 weeks. I definitely miss my children more than my partner when we’re apart. The age is a little bit of a red herring for me. Because the child is an adult I guess your wife is not meant to miss her anymore? I’d rather have a relationship like that, than some of the pp’s on here acting like she’s weird as their children only want to see them twice a year

Interesting @KimberleyClark i read it as the opposite. I would have an issue with anyone telling me I didn’t have to see any member of my family for three or four weeks.

I imagine out of the other 50 weeks of the year they could find an alternative. I like seeing family members regularly and wouldn’t go that long without an in person catch up. I appreciate that is a luxury not everyone has.

Then the partner needs to stop insisting on June and July

A compromise needs to be made. Either DP doesn’t see her DD for 3 weeks and you take a June/July holiday or DP gets to see her DD in between the holidays but accepts it might not be June/July. I know the compromise is all on your DP but they’re the one setting these restrictions.
I find it odd that your DP can’t go 3 weeks as a one off without seeing their adult child, especially with technology these days, texts, calls, FaceTimes.

Mixed bag of responses! My DP sees her DD about 3 times a week, and they video call multiple times a day. I know they are close, and I don't intend to get in the way of that, but it happens all the time and our relationship tends to revolve around her DD. I don't think that's healthy though I know people will disagree. My children have both been away to Uni and have travelled... I'm used to not having them around.

Anyway, thank you everyone, it's just really useful to get some perspective. I will try and suggest a different time xx

@Welshgal72 I think your last post captures the rest of us😂. We all have such a wide variation of what is our norms. Hope ye work it out and have a lovely holiday.

Which seems to be exactly what their DP is doing though....

And the "D"P doesn't appear to have work restrictions.

Your relationship revolves around her 25 year old daughter? How do you not lose your shit??

If it's the only suitable week. Or it's much cheaper then YANBU. Not seeing someone for 3 weeks is fine. They can always video call.

I do sometimes... It's a bit restricting. I get accused of being jealous though, of their relationship, which I'm really not. I just want some 'us' quality time. I think it's important.