People not giving an expected time of arrival

[ZingyCyanDog]

My mum is coming to my house and she's always invasive about arrival time.

I asked her yesterday and she said she didn't know. Today I messaged her (around 1.45pm) asking if she had left yet. She said "not long left" but it turns out she's 1/3 of the way through the journey (they are retired and stop alot for drinks/toilet/food). It's a 2.15 min journey without stops.

Aibu for thinking it's a bit rude to not say "leaving now" when you've left or give some sort of indication on yh time. Eg "will prob be there around 6pm".

There is a back story, won't divulge too much as it's really outing.

Why don't you ask what time she's setting off/ arriving when you arrange the visit.?

she's always invasive about arrival time
I think you meant evasive.

Just bloody rude op. Your time is of no value or importance to them - even if you have no time-sensitive plans it's the whole of your day fucked up because they can't be arsed making a commitment.

Just tell your mother you need to know when shes left home so you then have an idea when she might arrive - if shes reluctant to tell you explain that you have to go out so need to know what time shes arriving. If she still wont tell you then go out and leave her standing on the doorstep for an hour or so - maybe she will get the message then!

Just to be clear they have a key

My in laws used to do this and as dh would be at work on the day they said they were coming, I was the one expected to hang around waiting for them. One time I went to do the food shop and they rang me to tell me I was rude for not being there to greet them. After that I made a point of not being there when they turned up, and told dh why. He had a word and they now give us a general idea. Still boils my piss - big back story, of course!

Well get that back

I assumed she always arrived when OP was in a compromising position. She needs notice to get her clothes back on.

They should give you an approximate time so that you can plan your day and to know if they will need food when they arrive.

@Notthisshitforthehundredthtime , I was commenting because the word invasive seemed like an amusing Freudian slip.

Lol I wish!

Nah I just need a nap

I'm fine with them having a key

Haha yes but more because I'm dyslexic :(

God wtf.

My parents wouldn't do that, opposite end but still annoying..

I think the next time this happens you should say to her that you will be in until 4pm so lovely to see her but understand if it’s not convenient. Then make sure you go out.

My MIL always says 'after tea' which drives me mad as that can mean anytime between 4:30-10pm surely?!

She literally wouldn't care.

It's some sort of weirdness where she won't tell me when she's coming.

Anything before 6pm is kinda afternoon in my eyes and after 7pm would be "dinner/tea" time lol

Nah it's fine. I'm dyslexic and love it then these mistakes are pointed out, helps me to learn

It sounds like she is doing this deliberately to wind you up.

The only solution is to drop the rope. Just tell yourself she might turn up at any time, and go about your day regardless.

Once she realises you really aren't getting upset, she will find another way to piss you off...

Oh mate I did. Asked her the night before (yesterday) she didn't know. No worries she has a key. It's just I would expect not to be chasing her for a time today, when she's already left and being weird about not giving a time....

Back story - I've been asking her for weeks as well to come. Never gets back to me. Nothing to do with m. She will message my siblings the hour she's leaving the city we all live in to come over for a cup of tea (which I force her to do). She doesn't hate us, she's not autistic, just weird

I mean I hear you but if it's a long journey they roads or the train can be very unpredictable...

I live about 120 miles from my mum. On a good day it's a four hour drive. On a bad day.... well, they closed the motorway and the diversion routes were rural roads and I was about 4 hours added on.

I have tried trains but they keep cancelling the damn things....

Mine refused to give an ETA too and in the end I used to carry on with my normal day and direct them to call me on their arrival.

......I think they can say when theyve left their house so I know they are on their way. I don't need a exact time or will be annoyed if they take longer than expected it, but not giving any indication is annoying.

I know they are old and traffic etc... it's just I know if I'm going somewhere and don't have a pre set time I will tell that person - or if I'm delayed I tell them. Just manners

So she just leaves and turns up whenever? Eg could leave at 9am or 5pm?