School not telling parents their child has suspected autism.

[Biscuitsaretheworkofthedevil]

The SENCO of our primary school has some very apparently thought that my child has been on the autistic spectrum. I was surprised to find they don’t mention this to parents. Is it reasonable for them not to mention this to families?

In many areas you need a referral for the diagnostic pathway from the school.

Obviously only the right health professionals can diagnose it.

It is tricky for parents though if the subject is never brought up or if school keeps schtum when subjects are brought up.

I personally had my son in play therapy due to my separation,and after the first session my play therapist asked if I would be open to an assessment,he was 6 1/2 at the time,I said yes and actively pursued it,he got a diagnosis of autism and Asperger's,he's what ppl would call 'mild' autism,mainstream in school and a fucking awesome kid,he's so funny and sociable although sometimes too sociable,but so black and white,sometimes he's so 'normal' and sometimes he screams autism,either way he is my treasure ❤️ baffles me how some parents resist help for their children

Who told me this?

This is my direct experience!

Thanks. I know all this, but to get that far you need to be referred. And schools control that gateway.

Listen to one person only! And that's yourself. This whole area is absolutely fraught with frustration, confusion, self doubt, feeling like you are insane!

Not one single person came out and said to me yes I think your child is autistic. I just couldn't understand it and still don't entirely. Knowing and having a diagnosis has been huge! For the impact it had on me, all the gaslighting then had no place because I was right. My son, most importantly, knows and understands why he struggles.
He often says, ah Autism when we discuss one of his struggles. And we laugh. He's no longer that naughty child.

I had to pay to go private because of gaslighting by SENCO, dad, GP you name it. Request for nhs assessment declined. My child is Autistic, ADHD. Observation in school picked up a fair lot. And SENCO was saying no problem here. Says it all.

When I worked in primary which admittedly was as quite a long time ago

All children would have a yearly parents evening and a report. For reception the report and the parents evening would cover the early learning goals which include social and emotional learning.

If a child is struggling at school - either socially or in terms of progress - at reception I would expect it to be discussed with the parents then.

That's level 1.

At level 2 the teacher identifies that the child is having some difficulties either socially and emotionally or in terms of progress. They might then contact the parents and tell them that their child is having additional input. So maybe a small group doing something like social skills run by an ELSA www.twinkl.co.uk/teaching-wiki/elsa

Often at level 2 the parents will want to talk to the school. At this point some parents can be incredibly resistant to getting their child help. Strictly speaking the parents do not need to give permission for the child to attend this group as the school has decided it is educationally appropriate but some parents absolutely kick off at the idea that their child might need additional support.

Level 3 is then pulled into play, in theory if level 2 hasn't fixed things but in practice some children are so obviously in need of support they go straight to level 3. This is where they get individual intervention and assessment from external specialists. So the school may ask for support with (for example) a deaf child from the LA teaching service for D/deaf children.

Depending on how a child with autism presents, many do go straight to level 3. The school will then set up a meeting with parents and suggest further support/assessment.

Many parents will react very defensively. It's a real skill running those meetings as often the parents are very upset that their child is being deemed "substandard" and often you get a lot of complaints afterwards unless handled very delicately.

You will also get the parents who know their child doesn't fit the norm but "don't want them labelled".

It's also tricky because teachers cannot diagnose so all you can really say is I think they need assessment/more support.

Not really, control.

Schools follow the SEND Code of Practice.
Schools don't work in isolation either. They work with parents (CoP includes parent voice), other agencies and LA Inclusion teams.

🤣🤣 my son screams autism. It's hysterical. He also loves copying that awful line from the good doctor ' I have autism'. I'm so relieved to have the diagnosis now. Although we sadly had to pay. Alot of masking.

I hear ya,diagnosis cost me €1000 and several other apps,back in therapy now cause his father is a narcissistic dick with no interest in getting to know him 😡 such adorable kids,my lad tells me ya but I've autism so I've a super power 🤷‍♀️ I'm like dude go for it!cannot get over the incredible confidence my son has,considering I'm a huge introvert who hates interacting with ppl and my daughter (his older sister) is not as bad as me but shy to interact,yet he jumps into everything so enthusiastically!it's like the world is his best friend!he amazes me everyday,I'd give anything to be 1/2 as enthusiastic as he is!

A TA isn't qualified to make a diagnosis of anything so why would they tell a parent?

@Tringingle we had some issues with the dad. There was an awful lot of gaslighting around all this. Dad is definitely ND in some way ( undiagnosed), but I now see it. Strong family history. I think that feeds into some of the denial problems.

Absolutely 💯 he is definitely undiagnosed but wants to hear nothing of it,no interest in kids,but coming after them as a way to get at me,afraid he will lose his farm in divorce I suspect,child psychologist assigned by court told me to never leave my daughter alone with him as they suspect he was grooming her 🤢 life can be hard but we do the best we can to protect the ones that matter to us!id die for my kids,i reckon dxh would just about cross the road if pushed for them,the unfairity 🤷‍♀️ (that's prob not a word) of it is immensely frustrating!

Whilst some people do have denial problems I also think that if you are neurodivergent (and especially unaware and undiagnosed ) then you won’t see the traits in your child because, to you, it’s normal behaviour just like you when you were a child.

@TheSnowyOwl yes I think you're absolutely right. There is also the masking element which can feed into this. I didn't myself totally realise until age 9 - thanks to the Headteacher making very clear obvious hints to me! I'm a lone parent with one child also. I saw there were differences but myself was in an element of denial.

@Tringingle that's so tough. It really is hard enough as it is without those extra issues you have. Your child is lucky to have a mum like you advocating for them ❤️

Yeah I had this with my eldest. It was all very frustrating!

From nursery I would be into school every so often talking about some incident or other. A couple of times they mentioned that I 'might want to get her assessed' but didn't say what for or how or why and I had no clue.

Then after one incident where I had to go in, this changed to 'we think you should get her assessed'. So I had to outright ask 'what for? You clearly think she has something so just tell me'. They really didn't want to because 'they can't diagnose' but in the end they said they thought she could be Autistic.

Ironically, the doctor did very little assessment and just gave the diagnosis as apparently our school SENCO are very good and know what they are talking about.

I never said they were.

"I know all this, but to get that far you need to be referred. And schools control that gateway."

Are you 100% sure on that? One of mine was diagnosed via me self-referring to CAMHS, the other via GP. It does vary by area, I know, but there is also misinformation out there. The first time I tried, school refused to refer saying GP needed to, and GP refused to saying school needed to. It turned out they were both wrong but we got there in the end.

Disagree. In many areas the school is the gateway to local diagnostic services. A letter from them or form completed and the child is on the diagnostic pathway. As parent you can be led a merry dance and your child still won’t be on that pathway. Not until it all blows up in your face with your child having a massive crisis.

Or it will be your first child and you don’t work in education.. in which case you have no idea that Little Timmy fits the criteria. I mean, he looks you in the eye and he is lovely. You have literally no experience and no idea.

@Biscuitsaretheworkofthedevil yes you're right. Hence I went ahead with private assessment at a significant cost of almost £2k. My son would never have been assessed publicly. It's a huge issue right now for so many families. No one really wants to fund the support involved so I believe the majority of public bodies will and do gaslight terribly.

Yeah it varies by area. And quite often these parents do twice the work of other parents (according to my lovely CAMHs consultant). So do they necessarily have time to go investigating the nuts and bolts of how referrals should actually work in theory in their local area? Would most people be able to even start to unpick this if the professionals are not even clear?

Because many parents wouldn't thank the school for raising that their child has autistic traits. Seen it many many times.

Usually it might be raised by asking parents if they have any concerns but it's a delicate tip toe situation probably 80% of the time

Yes. In my case I went to them puzzled and stated my concerns and met a wall. I would have appreciated this being brought up.

Anybody can go via their GP.