Don’t know what to do! Feel so trapped!

[alwaysamess]

I’ve been with my partner 2 years and I’m 30. We’re in the middle of a house renovation and my partner is trying to go self employed.
He has a 14 year old son. He’s great but this would be a big change for him, not long after moving and rennovating.
We decided to remove my coil last month as we want children. I was worried about my fertility as my periods have always been irregular so I thought it would take ages to get pregnant.
I have big regrets from not travelling more in my 20s and we had two big trips planned in Oct and Jan.
We had hoped to get pregnant later this year when the house has a kitchen (likely to take more than 9 months from now) and we had a financial plan.
I had thought if it happened sooner I would be happy and we would manage. I presumed I could still go on the big trips (I’ve since googled and the advice is not to travel to either place if pregnant).
but after a (false) negative test 3 weeks ago, I realised I was no where near ready and was so glad it was negative. We decided to start natural cycles to be careful and use condoms. We haven’t had unprotected sex since then.
I tested positive two days ago and I’m 5 weeks. I feel gutted. I don’t feel ready. I feel trapped. I’m wishing we didn’t take the coil out. I can’t believe we were so stupid!
My partner is happy but is very worried about money and how his son may feel.
Im seriously considering the other options but I feel evil. I don’t know if I would ever forgive myself but I can’t see myself having a baby now!

You are allowed to change your mind.

Do what is right for you.

You're entitled to end a pregnancy for any reason. However if you think you'll be ready in a year, I think it might be a difficult decision to come to terms with when you do get pregnant.

You are allowed to change your mind it is not evil.

What I would do and in fact did when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at 23, is think would I rather reach 35 (perhaps 40 in your case) and have a career/travel opportunities etc but with the potential for never having another child, or reach 35 (40) in your case with a child but not having the career/ travel etc?

As it turns out I had the child, started a career retrained and moved industry's and have had some great opportunities so it hasn't been all or nothing but a compromise.

There is no guarantee this baby will stick, unfortunately that's a fact of life. There is no guarantee you will get pregnant again although you are young so no need to panic just yet. It is never, ever a good time to have a baby so don't focus on what's happening now focus on 10 years time and the priorities in your future.

It's OK.to change your mind. You thought that you wanted children and now you don't. That's OK.

However, if its a case of I wish it was a year later and then it will be fine. Well a year isn't really that much in the grand scheme of life.

The main question to ask yourself is how you would feel if you weren't able to get pregnant again. Happy or devastated?

It's normal to panic after you find that you're pregnant. Terminate if you want to, but it seems a bit of a shame seeing as you wanted a baby and you set out to get pregnant. If you wanted to have a baby in a year and you might have fertility issues then surely it makes sense to keep this one? The timing is inconvenient but it's hardly the end of the world.

If you've decided you don't want children full stop then terminate.

I think this is my main worry. I would feel so guilty. I have close friends that are very anti abortion too and some that had difficulties conceiving so I worry they will judge me badly if I abort.
I really don't feel ready yet. We jumped in way to quickly. I know I want children and I want them with my boyfriend but I'm not ready to give up my life, I'm worried about the impact it could have on his child, I'm worried about the stress of going through this when the house isn't ready and he's changing jobs so we will be low on money.
With the house renovation, we haven't spent much time as a couple, doing fun things for the last 8 months and have only been together two years. I'm worried if we move too quickly, our relationship might suffer. I always thought I would date someone for years before having children. With already being 30, I was panicking and thinking we don't have that time, but now I'm seeing older mum's everywhere, I realise my fertility is clearly fine and I'm wishing we had waited.

How would you feel if in the future you weren't able to get pregnant again?

Not bothered, bit sad or devastated.

That's the key point to be honest with yourself about.

I don’t know. At the moment I can’t work it out. I think maybe a bit sad.
My boyfriend would be devastated though so I keep thinking about him.

You have breathing space, you do not have to decide today. You can work out plans for the renovation and money. You can travel any time in your life, you haven’t lost your chance if you don’t go this year. If you go ahead with the pregnancy you will find a way to manage. Take a day to do something lovely, talk to people who know and love you, discuss it properly with your partner, and try to relax a bit before making a final decision.

We don't get pregnant,you do! You don't need to inform your anti abortion friends about your discussion,it's not their business. If you have announced the pregnancy, just say you miscarried. No- one can advise you either way. You have to have a frank discussion with your partner.i know MN opinion is your body your choice, I have the type of relationship with my DH,where such things would be important to both of us. It definitely sounds like you are not ready for a baby. I have seen both sides of the fence. I worked in gynae,both infertility clinic and termination. Good luck

Thank you.
I agree, it’s very important to me that my partner is in agreement/ can live with whichever decision. It’s happening to him as well, even if it is my body. He’s been very supportive and said whatever we decide will be the right decision and we’ll get through it together but I am worried about the impact of either decision on our relationship as it is still quite early in our relationship.

It is possible to travel with a baby/toddler/young child. I've done it with multiple and it's really not that difficult. Just mentioning that because no-one else has and wanted to stated it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

You don't need to tell you friends about any decisions you make. It's not their life or business.

If you wanted a baby in a year I don't think I would terminate this one. A year isn't that long.