Inheritance

[Anotherpotentialinhertiance1]

J is the mum of A,B,C she is 96
C died four years ago, B and A still alive.
J is 96 and has moved in with A and his wife and son who is still a little boy. Band Cs children are all grown adults.
A and his wife have provided many years (15 +) with hands on care, shopping, all appointments, house maintenance, washing, social visits, holidays, life admin as well as A and E visits when needed take unpaid leave to care for her when ill and have cancelled holidays to provide emergency care. Essentially they have enabled J to stay in her own home and have completely placed their lives on hold. They work around J and her needs, provide hands on care, food, appointments and social outings.
B and his family (children and great granchildren) have not visited J for several years and generally just make a quick phone call and send flowers occasionally. There has been no rift just as J has needed more care they have backed away from any involvement.
It was six weeks before they realised that J was no longer living at her home. A and his brother have drifted over the years and don't particularly speak.
J is selling her house, this is going for 200k and she has other savings to about 60k. Her intention is that she will have the cash ready to pay for additional care if she needs it, saving A all the hassle of having to sort out money from her estate after she dies.
J recently requested a solicitor to change her will, she has full capacity. She is changing her will to give A and his wife all of any money that she has left , although A and his wife are providing everything she needs care wise and are not paid to do this so are gaining nothing financially while she is alive.
The most recent will before this was
1/3 of any money left to A
1/3 left to B
1/3 of money left to Cs two adult children.
A is concerned about the potential backlash from the rest of the family on discovery that they now stand to inherit nothing. He is worried more about legal action rather than the moral one because he feels like they have had it easy and not showed J any compassion. If you were the rest of the family how would you react to find that you now stand to inherit nothing?
I'm not standing to inherit anything I'm a friend of J but not as old as her, she looked after my kids when they were younger. I live next door to J and visit her often at As.

I think it’s fine. She should explain to solicitor/in will why to reduce risk of will being contested.

I think the important thing is that they discuss it now, so that everyone knows where they stand. Then they can have any discussions whilst J is still around.

I would leave B and Cs children a very small something in the will so it shows this was done with thought and not any ill intentions from A. Like £50 each or something.

I think Js plan is not to say anything about it to them at all. She expects A to deliver the information which I think is unfair. She is very deaf and nearly blind, very frail and emotionally fragile. She wouldn't cope with the backlash to be honest.

It’s obviously going to cause problems when B realises they are going to be left nothing and probably adult DC of C may be concerned also, but they should presume J is paying her way staying with A now. I also think it’s good that J is selling home now. I think a discussion needs to be held asap with all parties with J so they can answer any questions they all have.

As A has done more than £200k of caring it makes total sense.

I'd perhaps make the will say if the is over £50k left upon her death then children of B and C get £1000 each.

I’d think it was pretty awful if J not to leave anything to her grandchildren - especially C’s.

It’s great to want to recompense the eldest son’s family for their assistance, but to cut off everyone else is bound to be very hurtful.

I think that C's children are being treated unfairly here.

I agree with previous posters. Maybe leave B and C's DC £1k each so they know they were not forgotten. Also to make it clear in the will why the decision was taken. A and his wife certainly deserve it if there is anything left after any future care in a home.

As others have said leave a nominal amount to the surviving sibling and the grandchildren. And have the conversation now

Then she needs to leave a letter explaining how she feels to B and her grandchildren. It will cause upset that will be aimed at A. If she cares about A she will make an effort to not throw him to the wolves

Why? It's sad that c died but it doesn't mean they get to inherit all of that share. There would be no money left if A hadn't taken on caring. Grandchildren don't always get money from grandparents in the will.

It's a bad idea and will impact generations to come if the siblings and cousins fall out over money and the perceived fairness or unfairness of it all. I've witnessed this myself with a family friend. Previously close siblings and cousins now estranged.

I dislike it when people offer care for their elderly relatives in return for a financial payout in the will. Either do something out of love and duty or don't.

Is A not claiming carer's allowance for her elderly mother?

I'm not saying that A shouldn't get a bigger payout but it's unfair to exclude the others completely.

C also never bothered with her mum despite living less than half a mile away. C's children also never did bother nor still bother to check in. They promise to visit and never show. Many times I've gone to visit when she lived next door and she would tell me they were coming only in he afternoon to find her upset because they not come. I know A and his wife have invited them over to visit but nobody has visited citing that they are too busy with their families (I'm not sure what they think A's wife and child are then).
I think she was going to give them about £100.00 each.

In J's situation. I would ask the solicitor to draft a letter to other family members explaining her decision. Then after her death they will have an explanation without her or A having to have an uncomfortable face to face conversation.

It all seems very fair and reasonable to me. If I were B then I would be grateful that A had been there for my parent. I don't see why the money going to a carehome rather than a sibling upon J's death should impact B's feelings. They've not made any effort with J, I highly doubt that they would have been willing to do what A has done.

have Cs adult children visited their grandmother? If yes then as some have said leave something to them. If not, then I’d not be as worried about their feelings when they discover nothing has been left to them

@THisbackwithavengeance I think theybhave essentially been estranged for years. J's husband T died 10 years ago after a long hard battle with cancer. They didn't even turn up when he was in hospice. Prior to that A supported his mum to care for his dad.

Reading this then all for A. They’ve played with Js feelings multiple times

Rubbish - its her money, her choice!! She must have her reasons, so respect them!!!

I do too.

I'm probably biased as I'm A in a similar situation. My siblings aren't aware of the will and I have no problem informing them when the time comes. As far as I'm concerned, if they bothered more on a day to day basis then they would know and wouldn't need to be told.

I think that the simple fact is that if it wasn’t for A then there would be no money left anyway and that would be the end of it.

Cross posted with this which puts a different perspective on my view re C's children.

However there will be rows when J is gone. I hope there would be no legal challenges because there wouldn't be anything left if lawyers have to be involved. .

I think A will lose their mother and then all their relationship with siblings, nieces and nephews in one day.