DH's numerous "hobbies"

[BrickCat]

DH has hobbies. Good for him, so do I. The problem is that they're all incredibly short-lived, space-consuming, and frankly a waste of money.

When DH sets his sights on a hobby, he feels like he MUST get the top-of-the-line (or close to it) stuff for that hobby as this is going to be the one that he's going to stick with. Yesterday he gleefully came in with £400 rollerblades.

Just in January, he decided that long-distance long-boarding (it's like a skateboard but made for distance rather than tricks; sort of like the difference between a BMX bike and a road bike) was going to be his "thing". Cue 3?!? different boards all costing between £300-£500 each!

Last year, it was wakeboarding, golf, and mountain biking (he bought 2 bikes).

The house is now littered with all his one-and-done purchases and he has no intention of ever selling them because he "might get back into it someday" (only happened with 2 of his hobbies).

AIBU to think that enough is enough? Every few months a new hobby, more junk in the house, more money gone down the drain and more wastage as one of his mountain bikes, for instance, looks basically brand new.

Midlife Crisis or has he always done it? Sounds fucking annoying as hell 😠

I could be your husband except I don't like sports -especially golf. 🤣

Seperate fun money after bills, that you both get to spend on whatever you want. He buys a secure shed, or rents space.

Maybe do a budget with your DH to work out how much you have leftover each month after paying bills, mortgage and food.
Make sure you have equal spending money.

If his hobby spending is within his 'fun' spending money then it's up to him what he buys, if it's eating into your essential life payments then you have a problem and he'll have to reduce his purchases.

DH is the same, but it's his money so he can waste it on whatever he likes imo 🤷‍♀️

Has his ADHD been diagnosed yet?

The financial side isn't so much my main problem tbh, but I do find the waste quite grating. We have a joint savings acc, joint household expenses acc, and everything else is separate. I guess my main issue is that everything takes up so much space and it all looks like a junkyard. Walked into the study today and all I see are dusty wheels of all sorts.

Tell him you it's not fair for you to live in this clutter and he either slims it down (one in two out policy) or sorts external storage for it. Just having it laying around everywhere is not a sustainable solution. Could you collect it all so it is somewhere that inconveniences mainly him (Mountain bike down his side of the bed?)

I'm reading Wind in the Willows with DS, and this just reminds me of Mr Toad with all his short lived fads. It must be very annoying to live with.

He sounds like me! I have very intense but often short lived interests which I start with great enthusiasm, read or buy loads and then I fall out of love with it and move on to something else. I think if I was going through the schedule I system now I’d probably have an ADHD diagnosis.

I think he needs to pay for a storage unit for all his hobby stuff.

As long as it's his money going on all this stuff he doesn't use and the storage unit then it's fine. Make sure you have equal spending money and then let him do what he wants with his.

My DH is the same, though thankfully his frugal nature does put some natural limits on spending. But running gear and fancy watches, kayak, bike, telescope, camouflage clothes (can't remember the associated hobby for that), oodles of model railway stuff, DJ decks... Each one purchased for a 6 month deep obsession and now gathering dust

My husband is like this though not quite as extreme. His latest was a very expensive wetsuit, bought in the wiggle closing down sale at 90% off. All very well but he hasn’t done open water swimming for a couple of years (and already owns an expensive wetsuit). It has yet to be worn. he also suggested I buy a bike in said sale as it was such a bargain. I bought my first adult bike 2 years ago, have no intention of replacing it, and was heavily pregnant at the time.

All the gear, no idea. Why doesn't he try the activity and get into it before buying? Too much effort?

Sounds like a kind of instant gratification shopping addiction - I guess similar to people who spend £££ a year on clothes they'll never wear.

If clutter's the issue, suggest he pays for storage / hires stuff first / one in one out.

Clutter, when It's beloved, much-used equipment is one thing. Misfired purchases that weren't returned in time is quite another.

I'd also go through the finances with him and look at what he could have had instead... holidays, pension, early retirement, deposit on houses for future children etc.

A choice between shopping addiction and potentially retiring five years earlier might be sobering.

My DH is the same! He has ADHD so every new venture is always something he thinks will stick... But no. Then we end up with all the junk about the house, taking up valuable storage space!

The thing that really strikes me about all these hobbies though is how lonely they are.

I guess I think of 'normal hobby progression' as starting with the basics or borrowing stuff, joining a group to learn and enjoy the activity with others, then gradually getting better at it, finding out what the next step is, equipment required, borrowing or buying as necessary and so on.

Thinking that enjoying an activity is about the stuff rather than the people and shared experience seems a really fundamental error and a very sad one.

Caveat, I realise that there are a lot of home-based hobbies, crafts, learning an instrument etc. But even with those, people often join groups or communities of interest.

I think groups have always been the goal but DH always feels like he'd never get good enough to do it at a casual competition level and that's what causes him to give up.

With the long-distance long-boarding for example, his goal was always to do the UK Ultraskate. The community (from what I've seen) also consists of people mainly in their 30s-50s so on paper it's perfect for him. 5 months of long-boarding later, he feels like he still can't push or pump properly so now he thinks rollerblading will be much easier and this will be his new sport.

I think - and my experience is - that joining groups provides motivation, encouragement, tips, enjoyment and gets you into a habit. It's how you get from beginner to intermediate and more.

Online communities of experts, people who've already been through all those steps, are a totally different type of community.

He needs to join the equivalent of a local running club, sign up for climbing lessons etc. then he'll meet people, then progress.

He's trying to leap from beginner to expert with no intermediate stage, no learning, no support, no community. That's just daft.

Yes. This 😂

I've witnessed the top-of-the-range-itis behaviour and the endless hours online choosing gear for a hobby barely begun. My sympathies.

People like him perform a valuable service for the rest of us (with shallower budgets) when the inevitable clearout eventually happens.

In the meantime, separate hobby budgets at the very least.

I am absolutely the same, but I do eventually go back round the circuit to some of them. I am currently finishing a patchwork blanket that I started 30 years ago! A limited budget might encourage reselling stuff to fund the newest hobby?
But I assume(hope) the randomness is one of reasons you love him so ... He may not change.

@BrickCat if these came out of joint money, how did he react when you set aside the same amount to spend on an extravagant purchase just for you 😬?

😂 you win the internet today!

Can you sit down with him and point out all the money he has spent, totalled up, on all the equipment. And then see if you can get some agreement that the next time he

• sells the rejected hobby equipment first. And
• buys cheap first (either lower spec or second hand) and does the hobby for 6 months or whatever before he speeds more

If he says no though not sure what you can do but that might trigger a discussion about finances, it depends how your finances are split and how much spending money you each have etc

I thought this was my husband posting about me 🤣