To feel horrible about my appearance?

[Cucumber3]

I’m a 36 year old mum of two kids. I went clothes shopping today, and I just completely hate the way I look. I don’t quite know how it’s happened. I used to be fairly toned and slim. I’m still not fat, a size 10-12 usually, but I’m all flabby, covered in cellulite. My bra digs in at the back and any fat I do have seems to hang around in all the wrong places.

Im meeting friends tomorrow and I feel ashamed of the way I look.

I don’t take care of myself. I work in a physically demanding job and study alongside it. When I’m not working/studying, I’m taking my kids to clubs and activities. I am constantly exhausted. Don’t always eat the right foods. I’m just completely drained.

I am relocating and so I’m leaving my job quite soon. I just want some time off sick because I’m tired. But I know that’s not really a reason, so I will turn up each day between now and then.

I want to live more healthily, feel better and also look good. I wish there was a magic wand. I should have done something sooner, but now I just feel horrible and will have to spend the day with the pretend smile on my face that I have got so used to.

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. I've recently embarked on a healthier lifestyle regimen and I'm almost a stone down after five weeks. I have children, I work long hours, and I was just putting myself low on the priority list. I'm in my late 30s and couldn't bear the idea of entering another decade feeling unhappy. What would work for you? Diet? Exercise? Slimming World or WW? Something else? You have to find something that works for you or it won't happen.

Thank you @comedycentral.

Il in the exact same position (except you sound a lot busier than I am).

How old are your kids?
I think once they get to a certain age, it allows you that tiny bit of extra time to look after yourself. (Mine are 4&6 and I've just started to feel like I can do a few lunges again!).

It's so difficult to look after yourself when you're running around after everyone else. A potentially easy fix is to stop eating after dinner (unless you don't eat after dinner anyway?).

Also, the good news is you're actually thin anyway! A size 10-12 is what a lot of people would love to achieve, but I completely understand when you're not happy with your own body. I was a size 6 before the kids and I'm now a 12. I'll never feel comfortable this size.

Thank you @buma. My kids are 10 and 8, so I can definitely exercise when they are around, it’s just the busy schedule and feeling exhausted all the time that’s making me struggle to find the get up and go. I know that sounds pathetic and that I just need to make it happen!

I'm in much the same boat as you, except I'm older, so don't even have youth on my side (and size 12 is a LOT further away). I realised one day that I was getting fatter and frumpier, I looked awful, my knees hurt, I was the size of a bus....

So I gutted my wardrobe, got my hair done, and went on a body re-shape plan. It's a lot of walking, and I'm on Mounjaro as well, which isn't going to be for everyone, but it works for me. I feel much better about myself. Even just getting out if the house for a short walk once a day will help.

If you are a 10-12 you can still look fabulous in good fitting clothes and a new bra. No one will see what’s underneath when you go out with your friends. There are lots of ways to start being more healthy if you are determined but no need to feel so bad in the meanwhile. I am a size 16 and feel confident in my appearance when I make an effort!

OK you need to find something that is achievable. My life is manic too with 3 young children and stressful job, but I've recently started the following:

• glass sits by the kitchen sink, everytime I'm at the sink I fill it and down it
• 16:8 diet - stop eating at 8pm, start at lunchtime next day. Weight drops off me and I don't change much that I eat during my eating hours so doesn't even feel like a diet. I've swapped chocolate bar for fruit but still have crisps and biscuits.
• Group PT session. I can walk there in 2 mins, so just over an hour and the effort is done. I'm actually really enjoying it as it's with another lovely lady, would hate 1:1! Hoping it tones me. I'd never have motivation to do any exercise myself. Needs to be something I've paid for in advance!

I've done this for 6 weeks and down half stone. I don't have much else to lose and feel and look SO much better! It honestly feels like I've done nothing, no effort at all! I've got the bug now so might start a spinning class that my PT lady offers too :-)

Good luck!!

Don't feel ashamed and let that ruin your day!

Make a plan to do a HIIT workout every few days, they are on YouTube and try and eat better foods. You'll start to feel better in no time at all.

Have a lovely time with your friends who won't notice any cellulite

It sounds if you have a physically demanding job that you could be already achieving a good amount of aerobic exercise so you could focus on just toning exercises outside of work and on your food intake, swapping to energy boosting healthy foods.

I’m sorry you feel so down OP. Honestly no one sees their friends body issues.

It makes me so sad that as women you just listed off all your achievements, working, studying, children and keeping friendships and the one thing you feel you let slide is clouding all the rest.

Start making small changes every week and you will get back on track- don’t make radical declarations as that’s setting up to fail.. Start with something small like drinking more water, 5 fruit and veg a day, a walk at lunch.