Parenting - Have I got it all wrong?

[Startstopstart]

Many people seem to be doing a spectacular job at parenting so I sometimes wonder if I got it all wrong. I am a parent to 2.5 yo DS and currently pregnant nearly in third trimester. I work 4 days a week and then he is in nursery and we are home on Friday.
I have started to dread my Fridays off now. I feel utterly exhausted as my son is awake between 5-6 am, he is becoming more stubborn and resists his naptime. DH is very adamant that he shouldn't be watching TV so it mostly falls on me to keep him entertained. I am feeling increasingly exhausted and 16 hours long days are taking a toll on me.
DH doesn't seems to understand my exhaustion due to pregnancy as well as me feeling more emotional and irritable than usual. We have very different views on parenting and we tend to argue a lot and my resentment seems to be building up because of constant early days. DH does night wakings and DS keeps waking up 2-3 time a night hence I am the one who gets up when DS is finally awake in the morning. I feel like I am at a breaking point now and I need to learn new parenting techniques as DS doesn't seems to listen to most things I say and DH keeps blaming me that my parenting style is too permissive that he never seems to listen to me but I think he's still too young and he will listen to me once he's bit older.
Any advice on my situation is gracefully accepted. Thank you.

You’re working, pregnant and looking after a two year old- that’s a pretty hard season of parenting! Do whatever you need to get by at the moment. Use the TV for a break, it’s honestly fine. Aim for ‘good enough’ rather than ‘perfect’.

Thanks for all the very kind replies, it feels better now to know it might get easier in a year or two.

When I was heavily pregnant, the cinema was my best friend. I had bad PGP and struggled to walk very far and I took my 3 year old to the cinema and just sat down and rested as he watched whatever kids film was on. If you think your 2.5 year old could concentrate on a film, try that!

@Lmnop22 I need to look for what movies are around. It's just that DH is totally against screen time for DS so it's been quite challenging.

I was your stage of pregnancy with a 3yr old. I fell asleep so many times on the days we were at home together (non work and non nursery week days). I remember waking up and she had basically incorporated me into the duplo house she was constructing.

If you are stuck in the house, then I found just including the toddler in housework was an activity. So unloading the washing, hanging it up, folding it and putting it away. I don't know if it just bored her rigid but it passed the time.

Quiet tv time was a godsend. I think cbeebies has a few blocks each day of less frenetic entertaining stuff and more wind down rest stuff. I hated Bing but it was restful.

Going for a walk even just round the block can take an age and tires them out. You don't even have to go anywhere in particular.

But your DH sounds like he has v rigid ideals for parenting when he isn't actually there to do it. I hope he cops on to himself soon.

He’s not pregnant though is he! He can do screen free parenting but I think it’s unfair to dictate what you do on your Fridays. It’s exhausting being pregnant and looking after a toddler.

I'm hoping, since 'D' H gets up for work on a Friday you get a lie in and he sorts your son out? I mean come on - you are in your third trimester, working 4 days - pout the TV on and if he doesn't like it have a nice weekend away and leave him to - take the TV remote with you.

Put the TV on - he can pout!

He needs to drop the nap. I’ve got a 2.5 year old boy too, when they drop the nap, bedtime becomes a lot easier. Mine is usually asleep by 7:15pm now.

TV time is sometimes needed. We probably watch an hour or so, divided up across the day. It’s much needed downtime for us both.

We also go out often. We also do toddler football, swimming, forest school and playgroup every week, as well as two days of nursery while I’m at work, but we need to be out every day anyway. We are constantly walking to anywhere we can get to without a car. I live in the park at this point!

It sounds like DH needs to take some time off and support you, and see what non-stop 14 hour days actually feel like…

I get not wanting the kids to be in front of a screen all day every day but a little bit of screen time is surely ok if it’s something like a film and/or educational and not just nonsense? Particularly as there are the extenuating circumstances of your pregnancy. I assume since it all falls on you, your husband isn’t actually there during the day, so why can’t you just not tell him?!

Also, have you considered some sleep training? I don’t think a 2.5 year old has any reason to get up multiple times a night other than habit. Perhaps if you cut those out you and your partner could take turns to get up very early in the morning.

My son was always an early riser and I do feel your pain, those hours where nothing is open and you’re exhausted and clock watching every minute away are just awful. If it helps, he’s 4.5 how and I have a 4 month old and when he comes into my room in the morning I just tell him to go downstairs and play/watch tv on his own and I can get an extra half hour of sleep (small baby permitting!) So it goes get better.

My DD is 2y2m and it's hard work even though am not even pregnant. You must be shattered.

@ghostyslovesheets your reply made me laugh x I switch on the TV every now and again but then it becomes a point of argument from him that DS isn't sleeping well due to him being overstimulated by TV and he is doing night wakings, so I just try to not bother with it.

He can be 'totally against it' when he's doing the hard slog with your child. He can trust you to do the best for yourself and your child until that is the case. Plonker.

My eldest dropped her nap when I was 32 weeks pregnant and she was home all the time. We replaced naps with cuddles on the sofa watching Disney movies.

I'm all for limiting TV but there is so much educational stuff on there. Go Jetters, Numberblocks, Alphablocks. That's a real compromise.

When I was pregnant our games included

• doctors (wrap lying down Mummy in blankets)
• babies (wrap lying down Mummy in blankets)
• themed baths. I had particularly bad morning sickness so I was in the bathroom a lot. I used to put eldest in the bath with food colouring in and then let her pick out matching colours of Duplo to have in there whilst I threw up constantly. There's loads of games and stuff like that online if you look at sites like Busy Toddler.

Tell your DH to do one.

DH works in contract jobs hence he avoids taking any time off due to no annual leaves hence it all falls on me as I have lots of flexibility with my work and annual leaves. He mostly works from home but unable to help as he usually as day packed of meetings. Though he helps with bath etc during his lunchtime on Friday or some cooking. We have been arguing a lot on looking after DS and that has been putting strain on our marriage, which makes me even more anxious and stressed.

I went to Sainsbury’s today with my 26 month old son. He exhibited at points various behaviours of refusing to follow me (wouldn’t get in the trolley) and by the time we got to the till he was in full tantrum mode rolling around on the floor. He walked out nicely with me then dropped to his knees in the car park refusing to walk or be carried and then refused to get in the car. Luckily anyone who made a comment did so sympathetically and one lady said to me “I’ve been there, we all have days like these”. I smiled and replied “it’s every day at the moment”.

I have two older girls who were impeccably behaved toddlers who listened to everything I said. Some children are just more challenging at this age. It’s not your parenting.

Ah, the ever convenient job that stops him having to parent.

I'll bet he finds time for other things like going out with mates/hobbies etc.

AKA he's doing what he wants as and when it suits him. And ignoring your struggles and the difficulties pregnancy brings. If only there was a pill they could take to see how rough Pg is. They'd shut their traps pretty quickly I reckon. Just tell him to stfu. He hasn't a clue what he's on about.

There's no way watching 30 minutes of TV at 11am whilst you have a coffee is making him wake 2+3 times a night! Otherwise he'd be sleeping though whilst he has no TV ...

I don't have a lot of advice just that I also have a 2 and a half year old and this age is SO HARD. They test your patience so much. It's the loveliest age because they are developing so much but it comes with many many challenges. I have found this age by far the hardest apart from the newborn stage but he was colicky baby. I am also pregnant and exhausted and at the moment DS is fighting sleep and often doesn't go to sleep till 11pm. I'm desperate for an early night .
Motherhood is so hard.

@Elisabeth3468 thank you and sending you solidarity and strength. Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope it gets easier for you too x

Really??

This. Take him outside - I used to spend at least half my time outdoors, in parks etc - I have the same view as your husband (no screens for young kids).

And I do think at that age, they need a couple of hours of social play in a nursery type setting - will also be very helpful when you have the baby, but you need to get him settled in first.

Please put the TV on. Your DH will never know how it feels to be heavily pregnant and have a toddler. You’ll need the tv when baby comes too

And yes agree with other posters. Newborn & 3YO much easier than pregnant with toddler / 3YO