Complain to school or leave it?

[Bubblegum97]

My DD is 4 and is in reception. I am a single parent which school and her teacher are aware of. She does not see her dad. Today she’s come home with a Father’s Day card saying ‘this is for my daddy and the teacher said I can’t show it him until Father’s Day ’. It made me feel really sad. Aibu to complain or should I just leave it? I know they can’t exclude her from an activity but her old nursery were more accommodating and they put to grandad instead of to dad on her cards

I think it's worth mentioning to the teacher/school, yeah. I would worry that at such a young age, some kids might think that the teacher saying to give it to daddy means that they are going to see daddy, IYSWIM.

My DS3 (in reception) came out brandishing a father's day card saying the teacher said to give it "to daddy or to grandpa" so presumably his teacher had said to other kids they could give it to grandpa.

There are kids whose dads aren't just not present, but have been removed from their lives after beating them, or are dead FFS.

I wouldn't complain or leave it. Just mention to school on Monday that she doesn't see her dad and hopefully they will put a note into her file to ensure this doesn't happen again. They should have checked really but sometimes mistakes are made

I would let it go. Don't be that parent.

Our school does these cards either for an important male in their life or not at all.

I think it is worth mentioning.

Usually the teachers make it clear it can be given to Daddy, step-daddy, grandaddy or any other significant person.

When they know dad isn't around they would ask the child 'who do you want to give this card to?'

Definitely have a quiet word. Male sure there was no mis-communication.

I would definitely phrase it as a query rather than complaint, as the teacher may have said many things, including that dd can make a card for whoever she wants

She might have asked to make one for Daddy. I have seen that many many times. Children who don’t see their dads make them a card. Teachers ask who it’s to and they say: Dad.

It is always positioned as a card for Dad or a ‘significant male’ not just Dad unless the school are living in the 1980s.
check before you complain and don’t shame your DD some kids kind of experiment with making cards for people that are dead/not here etc

I’d have a quiet word. I remember back in the early 90’s being removed from the card making ‘as you don’t have parents anymore’ 😬

Usually they say to the children it's for any important man in your life, eg uncle, grandad, step dad etc. It might be that because she's 4 that bit got a bit lost on her.

Do you have anyone suitable? Then you could say "brilliant, we'll give it to X, they're a bit like a daddy to you with everything they do. I'm sure X can't wait to see it" and then pass it on when you see them?

I'd make a precedent now that "daddy" things are for X.

This is good advice in my opinion. But they should be better on this issue. We make Father's Day gifts/ cards at brownies and i always say it can be for dad or grandad. Some like to make the present for grandad as they've already got something for their dad already. The reception teacher should know better than to assume all the kids have a dad around.

I completely disagree with some of the advice being given.

Use it as a learning opportunity. It’s going to come up in the playground eventually and kids are mean little shits.

Use it to teach her that it’s ok her that her dad isn’t around because she has you. There’s a billion books on the subject that can ease the conversation in

Do bring it up, so they can handle it better next time

I'm surprised they'd do such a specific activity relating to fathers. Surely it's not a given a kid has contact with their dad, or has an alive granddad? I think it would be best if they didn't bother with fathers day activities in schools. Or maybe even mother's day ones either. They could just have valentine's day where they do cards for someone they love in their family, which is a bit less exclusive.

Don't frame it as a complaint but do have a chat with the teacher

Don't be that parent? I totally disagree with this. You don't have to go in and cause a fight, but I think it would be totally reasonable to just say, for future, she doesn't see her dad and can Father's Day things be geared towards male figures in their lives? There are huge amounts of children that don't have fathers present that it's hardly groundbreaking. The school should be better at this.

We have that parent. Now instead of a carefully worded offer to make a card or buy a gift for anyone who is your dad or like a dad should be to you, lots of PSHE and families are all different that is okay, we don't even mention Father's Day. You are not that parent.

Can she give it to her biological dad, even if you are single parent? Your child may like to do that.

Don't complain but let them know certainly. I work with kids and like your nursery we did Father's Day cards for a man in their life not exclusively fathers. Even written one for a single mum at the child's request. School should adapt to accommodate kids without dads

@CreateUserNames
Just a wild guess but I'm sure that would have occurred to op if it was an option