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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry at my husband

7 replies

Olive809 · 14/06/2024 18:59

Haven't worked for a couple of years as I had a breakdown, which resulted in a hospital stay.
I then had a major accident, a big operation and corrective surgery last year.
Im still trying to get well and on quite high medication.

H not been very supportive in all this and our marriage isn't great.

H does not care about decorating, his parents are very rich, have a huge house but never spend money on decorating. They really don't care and it's not important to them.

Ive tried to make our house look nice, but H gets upset if I spend too much and he really doesn't care.

So to my problem. After years of having a patio that's falling apart he agreed that we could have it updated. A lot of this is due to it actually being dangerous.
He never comes with me to pick anything out I'm just told to pick something and the price range.

His Friend is a builder and gave a good price.

Patio nearly finished and when i looked yesterday it is very clearly uneven. The builder has put the slabs over our old patio which I thought was a bit strange but thought he knew what he was doing?

Asked H if he could see it was uneven and he literally screamed at me that I find fault in everything. I'm not really picky but if a job needs doing I like it done properly.

So, I said to my husband why has it been done like that and he said it would have cost thousands to have the old one dug up and replaced? Not sure if it's true but as I said he likes to get things cheaply.
He then said " As I'm the only one working I decide how much to spend!"

Im so upset by this as I feel like I can never have anything nice in my house. For years I was so embarrassed to have anyone over but he really doesn't get it.

Sorry for the ramble

OP posts:
Pinkypinkyplonk · 14/06/2024 19:32

I’m sorry to say this, but I don’t think this is about the decoration/ patio at all. This is about different people having different values and having different priorities.

5475878237NC · 14/06/2024 19:39

I think that was an expression of his general disatisfaction in the marriage. Obviously that's a Delboy patio you've got now.

Incrediblly hurtful comment I'm sure. I'd suggest marital counselling if you want to continue the marriage.

Mrsttcno1 · 14/06/2024 20:08

He was wrong to shout at you about it, but he’s right that to dig the old one up and fully re-do it would have been very expensive. We did that in our last home as the patio that was there was really unsafe and it was around £6000 for all of the work to be done.

As previous poster has suggested it’s just different people having different priorities, I’m quite like you in that I like to have a nice house/space so I like to keep things nice, decorate etc and for me that is money well spent, but my sister for example is the total opposite and would prefer to spend her money on days out/drinks/holidays and would prefer to just keep house etc the way it is to save her money for her fun things. That doesn’t make either of us wrong, we just have different priorities, and because we both have our own money to spend it makes no difference.

AsanteSana · 14/06/2024 20:22

Well, the correct MN response would be, yes, of course the old patio should be lifted, and the new one put down - with him under it...

Olive809 · 14/06/2024 20:45

@AsanteSana
That really made me laugh, thank you!

Yes, I know it's not about the patio, we have lots of problems.

I really think I should leave him, but have no job and no where to go :-(

OP posts:
TakeOnFlea · 14/06/2024 21:00

Hope it's not covering any vents 😳

AmiShitsaline · 14/06/2024 21:22

If the previous patio was falling apart how on Earth could slabs be laid on top, it’s going to be even worse!

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