Teenager son, no friends

[anicesitdownandshutup]

DS(14) is sociable, gets on well at school, pleasant nature but he doesn't seem to have any friends to hang around with outside school. He doesn't make any effort to meet up with anyone and doesn't seem that bothered. We get 12 weeks summer holidays and it's just such a waste that he seems to spend it in his room or gaming in the sitting room. It's not really the childhood I wanted for him. He mostly gets on with his older sister (16) and they hang out together but are now sick of each other's company after being off for a month. She goes out a bit but not much either. He plays sports and does scouts but outside of that he just doesn't bother meeting up with anyone. To his credit, he texted a friend but this friend never seems to be available - don't know if they are going out with other friends or just anti-social. Selfishly, I feel that my outside work hours need to be dedicated to entertaining him.
Is this just life for 14 year olds now?

Op my brother says the same about my nephew but he is abit older now but would say the same even when my nephew was younger. Just wondering is your son talking to his friends thru gaming? My nephew was. And I think in general that's why he never went out much. In contrast to the girls who want to go shopping or for a Starbucks. X

My DS was like this at that age. I think it’s an awkward age for boys. It’s like they don’t really know what to do together unlike girls who will hang around shops or go for a milkshake etc. At this age my son had friends in school but never saw them out of school. When I asked him if anyone met up at weekends and holidays he just said no and that they all gamed at home. Fast forward two years and he’s like a different person. No longer games and has an active social life. As the other poster said he may also be speaking with his friends when gaming as well.

My eldest dd is like this. She had a bit of a rough time at high school and only stayed in touch with one or two people. She has a whole gaming community online that she chats to every day. I can hear her laughing and chatting away. She seems happy enough.

No, he doesn't game with them. He doesn't seem that bothered by it but I don't think that it's healthy. He is quite active and I think that if he organised to meet up friends for some sports practise that would be one outlet for him but he doesn't bother and I can't make him. I don't want to keep asking him about it and making him feel like I think there is something wrong with him. DH doesn't bother with friends either so not sure if that's a factor - he doesn't have an example of male friendship looks like.

My DS(11) becoming like this because he makes no effort with friends at all. I have to keep reminding him that he should be organising this stuff now it’s now like when he was little and I would arrange play dates, I tell him he can have friends over at any time but he hardly ever bothers. Friends will message him to do stuff but he never checks his phone so doesn’t see them until hours later. He hardly ever goes online now either but does see out of school friends when he trains at his sport around four times per week. It’s hard and I know I need to encourage him more but my brother was a total tear away from around 11 and so part of me is also glad that he likes being at home where I can keep an eye on him!

some kids only have friends at school but not outside as often they live further away -nothing to worry about

My youngest was the same. It becomes difficult, as they go from playing with toys etc, to being old enough to hang out with people but too young to go to pubs etc.
My dc was also not good at being proactive at organising things to do, and did v little outside of school, at times, especially having dropped organised clubs aged about 15.

Can you send him to some type of activity camp / holiday for teens? If you can afford it perhaps watersports or to learn a language abroad? Something that would get him out and about and socialising.

I really wouldn't worry. My brother was like that. Didn't bother him at all. He was, and is, an introvert and just didn't need a lot of social contact. Our society is very hard on introverts, especially when they're young. It's something that always puzzles me. No one ever complains about extroverts – how needy and noisy and irritating they can be.

Wow the sly nasty dig at what you really think about ‘extroverts’ - lovely. Did you not have the ‘stereotypes’ lesson at school?

He goes out and plays sports and scouts at least, many teenagers don't go out at all apart from school.

This happened to my DS14 but I texted one of the mums to set up a playdate and also made him make an effort. He became popular pretty quickly after that and meets friends every weekend now. Sometimes they just need a nudge in the right direction.

He's playing sports & going to Scouts, I think that's great. Other 14 yr olds are doing zip. You're worrying over nothing. You can plan cinema or swimming or whatever for you and the kids ponce a week, but other than that just be supportive. He's sociable, doing well at school so just let him be. He'll find friends he wants to do things with in his own good time. Imagine he was out every night, what would you think then?