Teenager listening in on other friends conversations with their parents

[Whateveryouwant1]

Slightly boring title but is this common?

It goes like this - telephone conversation happening between two teens, teen one says go ask your parents about such and such or meeting up, so teen two goes to ask parents but has put phone in pocket leaving teen one listening to them asking their parents without the parents knowing teen one is listening.

I find it really intrusive and both teens should not be taking part in it but calling one another back after talking privately to their parents.

What are your thoughts? Aibu?

YANBU but I also find that my mother will put me on speakerphone with no warning so that when I think I’m talking only to her it turns out I’m also talking to my dad. Maybe it’s only our middle generation that have an expectation that private conversations aren’t broadcast.

Agree with you OP.
Unfortunately I don't think teenagers necessarily see their parents as... people, really, 😁, so doubt that you'd get through to them.

The only solution would be to do it back to him somehow , and when he protests then explain how it's the same thing.

Humm it's difficult as the conversation that was overheard by teen one turned abusive towards teen two and teen one heard it all. Maybe because the parents didn't know they were being listened to by teen one and possibly making teen two braver as they believed they had backup in their pocket 🤔 causing more angst

My daughter almost always has friend/s on voice or video call lol. Think she does it on purpose now because she knows I won't/try not to tell her off when her friends can hear.

It's annoying, YANBU.

What do you mean by 'abusive' exactly? Any abuse is a bigger issue than privacy, although I agree that's an issue.

Surely the answer here is for some minor embarrassment.. "Oh I'm glad you popped in to ask that, I meant to ask...how is that boil on your bum / did you find Mr Snuffles down the back of your bed ? I know you cant sleep without him" etc

Can't you just say 'If you don't switch that off, I will confiscate it'?

Ok so with that update it's about more than just privacy. If it was proper actual abuse the teen (or you) should report what was heard to the safeguarding officer at school to help them build a wider picture of that teens situation.
It might be nothing and just a moment of irritation,or the school may have an inkling of abuse but no real evidence.

What do you mean by abusive?

Yanbu. One of my teens has a friend who tries to control and dominate, and we’ve had lots of discussions with my child about standing up to the friend and not letting them dictate everything. Sometimes my teen will come and ask me about an arrangement to go out, for example, and I will ask about whether they definitely want to go/are happy about time/place etc and remind them not to be pushed around by friend and make their voice heard. I would not want this conversation overheard, especially as I’m friends with the mum, who is lovely!

The word abusive is batted around by teenagers if you don't let them go to some random party at 11pm. But from what I was told it was just shouting but upsetting for teen one listening

The "abusive" thing...what was the actual abuse? Like being really nasty or "oh for god's sake, I've already told you no, will you leave it?!"

I would really hate my kid doing that on either end. A parent might tell the recording teen that they don't like the behaviour of their friend (who is listening in) very much, or tell them that the family isn't doing great for money so that's why they can't do X and then the recording teen feels embarrassed...

This is my issue it's a private conversation and if your teen had their phone in their pocket you wouldn't know someone else was listening....

Not sure what you mean by abusive but in a normal situation then no YANBU. My SDCs do this - DH rings them for a chat and then discovers they have their gf or bf sitting there or a random mate who had come over. It feels really intrusive.

I've told teen one it's not a good idea either way round. The conversation is private. Say so and so is on the phone then parents know but to do it secretly is just wrong.
It can cause a situation to become worse if teen two feels empowered by the person in their pocket and feels they have to act up or behave in a certain manner because teen one is listening

I find it really intrusive whenever kids on voice calls whilst gaming etc, it’s like having a random in the house who can hear everything. No privacy

And see everything when on video calls walking round the house

Kids definitely seem to think home life is broadcast-worthy. I had to put an absolute blanket ban on them walking around the house on a video call. If I've just come out of the shower and come downstairs in a towel to get some clothes from the utility room, I do not want to have to worry about appearing semi naked in the background of a video chat with a random teen!

I think conversations are the same. I'm having them with the person in front of me. I don't expect to have a third party listening in on a hidden phone.

Oh god, DH was once playing a multiplayer video game while DS1 rolled round on his play mat babbling, and suddenly an american voice (jokingly) said "Hey man, tell that baby to shut up, you're trying to game!"

DH didn't know that the voice chat was enabled, how long it had been enabled for, or what else random people might have heard!😬