To expect school to tell me?

[Sendinsanity]

DD is 9, has an EHCP and full time 1-1. School have poor communication generally, along the lines of telling us at 10.30am the day before they need a dress up outfit the following day etc.

DD has a home school communication book, it should be filled daily, but they aren't consistent. There are an increasing number of incidents and school are not telling me about them. Just to reiterate, she has a full-time 1-1 (and funded over 24k for it!).

Ie yesterday the note was "Got upset in computing" and that was it. It transpires through DD the incident required the deputy head to come and support and from DD's point of view it was fairly catastrophic and a huge injustice against her. I know my DD's perception isn't always quite on par with reality but when school haven't told me anything I have no way of rationalising her version vs what did happen. If she says someone did something (and we know her brain works on the basis that if she falls, then its because bob made her fall over as the nearest person even if he physically could not), I have no other version of events and I don't want to disbelieve her but equally, I have to safeguard my vulnerable child. She can often feel like the wronged party but has lost sight of the context so I can't talk things through with her if all the information she's volunteered to me is that Mrs xxx had to come as Mrs yyy went and got her and they all turned my computer off so I lost all my work from the lesson".

I've found out before when she was in year 1 my DD was restrained by a different TA accidently letting it slip and I had to force through some form of incident account.

I'm just so frustrated and I've tried speaking to them before and got told off for questioning things.

AIBU to expect to know when there has been an incident that has required additional intervention/adult support above a movement break?

They probably don’t have time to write lots, if you need more information you could ring them

Not unreasonable to expect communication but not unusual for it not to happen in my experience. My 4 year old is unable to tell me what happens at school, we have no home/school communication diary and the lack of knowing what kind of day he's had is the bane of my life and an issue across the whole of the school from the WhatsApp parent group.

Ds school ring me now if there is anything big so we can decide together how to move forward.

who picks up? I would expect handover to include any incidents even if it means a staff member grabbing you before she comes out to tell you.

My kids don’t have SEN so my expectations may be way off but if I was told that they were upset, I would assume tears and maybe leaving the room and going to the loo to compose herself, not a massive hooha with multiple teachers.
I suspect that 1-1 are paid by the hour like TAs rather than salaried so they work their actual hours only so there’s a lack of time for detailed reports but considering the deputy head was involved, they could have phoned too or provided a short summary later.

I collect. They won't discuss anything in front of her, obviously. I've asked for clarity over incidents before and as soon as I ask about a specific incident they seem to shut down on me like I'm only asking as I'm going to moan rather than just trying to support my child (and subsequently support school!). When I found out by accident that she was restrained I had to complain to the governors to get any information about it!

How are they supposed to find time for all this?

Can they offer what you want to every parent? I doubt it

I would say that communication book is more for little/ mundane things (not like the ones you mentioned) e.g started topic about Vikings, moved to 2 times timetable, Mary did a really neat piece of writing today, homework is to think about favourite food.
when there are incidents and big upsets they need to call you and do a meeting, restrain or anything like this should be written down in details. I would do email to Senco that you want a meeting about all these issues.
disclaimer: I’m not a professional, my DD has EHCP 1:1, she is in college so it’s my reflection of past experience plus general knowledge about the issue.

It’s a ridiculous comment. Her DD has 1:1 support whose duties are exactly this - to communicate with parents about certain things. It’s in 1:1 job description.

I have previously been a named 1:1, communication about these kinds of events was very much part of my role.

My DD is funded for a full time 1-1, it is not the same as doing the same for all the children.

A non EHCP child would probably just get a quick mention at pick up.

I suspect the issue is that in order for the 1:1 to write up the report to the level of detail that you are asking for she would need to leave your child for 20 mins or so which doesn't sound like it would be ok.

I have worked in secondary as a TA and if we've had to document an incident it does take a while, you have to be very careful as what you write has to be absolutely true so you need to not infer anything and try to remember what people actually said etc.

I understand you want to talk it through with your child. Providing the level of information you seem to want would take quite a lot of time.

Op we had 121 throughout primary and secondary school and the PA spoke to me every morning and afternoon to discuss anything and everything. Much easier than writing things down.

If it was something potentially sensitive I would get DD in the car first and then we could speak out of earshot.

The allocated PA should be the one who knows what's going on so I would focus on them - if something happens and they don't tell you I'd be escalating that in itself.

I don't want huge amounts of information. A small paragraph along the lines of (a very hypothetical situation used) "DD got upset because the computer wasn't working. I suggested a break but she wouldn't leave room and was disrupting others so I had to call for Mrs XX. DD removed by choice/force and calmed after 10 minutes" would be perfect versus what my DD has come out with and now I'm going to have to go through the hard way of finding out, using multiple staff member's time as I can't just ignore what DD has claimed happened. Also, with a small bit of context I could have talked it through with DD to help her understand a bit better than what she has taken from it which is that the two adults have (in her mind) done something awful to her.

YANBU, it's reasonable to expect significant incidents to be communicated. Emails tend to be quicker for TAs to write than longhand.

This is also about the relationship between you and her trusted adults in school. As the trust grows you don't need as much detail. But important incidents they should always pass on. Mistakes in judgement will happen - DD will perceive some things as more significant than the adult, and vice versa, but as they get to know the child better you'd hope the difference would lessen.

Can you have a meeting with school to explain what it is that you want and ask them for their policy on completing the communication book?