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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH not supportive about new job

6 replies

peoniesaremyfave · 14/06/2024 09:19

Wondering if i'm being unreasonable to be upset here. My DH is not enjoying his job and will vent to me which is completely fair enough. I started a new role 2 months ago, it was a big step up so was nervous but I am really enjoying it and finding my feet. Anyway, whenever I try to say anything positive that's happened in my job he just ignores me. I had some positive feedback and he just changed the subject and no acknowledgement of what I'd said. Yesterday, I listened to him moan for an hour and a half, and then I mentioned that things in work were going better as feel I am finding my feet. Again, changed the subject back to him and no acknowledgment. It's upsetting me as I feel he 1) doesn't care to listen to me and 2) he can't seem to be happy for me when things going well. Maybe I'm being unreasonable as he is having a hard time, but I feel he should at least be happy for me doing well or acknowledge what I've said? I have barely spoke about it bar 2/3 occasions in the last month or two so I don't think I am rubbing it in, and I listen to him every day.

Note that in my old role, I'd rant about things and get told all I do is moan and he was fed up listening to the same stuff but expects me to.

OP posts:
GalacticalFarce · 14/06/2024 09:22

Ask him. Ask him why he ignores you if you talk about work.

keylimedog · 14/06/2024 09:23

An hour and a half?! Jeesh that's far too long to listen to anyone moan.

Give him a ten minute limit - after that walk away / don't engage. Is he actively doing anything about it or just moaning to you?

Congratulations on your new job! It's rude that he's not taking the same time to listen to you or be happy for you finding your feet. Give him the same energy back he's giving to you, just don't listen.

peoniesaremyfave · 14/06/2024 09:24

keylimedog · 14/06/2024 09:23

An hour and a half?! Jeesh that's far too long to listen to anyone moan.

Give him a ten minute limit - after that walk away / don't engage. Is he actively doing anything about it or just moaning to you?

Congratulations on your new job! It's rude that he's not taking the same time to listen to you or be happy for you finding your feet. Give him the same energy back he's giving to you, just don't listen.

Honestly! We went for a walk and then food shop and it is ALL he spoke about the entire time!! He has raised it with his boss but not looking for new job etc. Thank you 💐

OP posts:
Blinds1 · 14/06/2024 09:28

Shut him down and walk away from him.
Bring it to his attention that he is moaning AGAIN.
Is this a pattern?
If it is, it is not good.

peoniesaremyfave · 14/06/2024 09:41

Blinds1 · 14/06/2024 09:28

Shut him down and walk away from him.
Bring it to his attention that he is moaning AGAIN.
Is this a pattern?
If it is, it is not good.

I guess we have both been bad in the past for moaning about our jobs so probably is a pattern. I don't mind him venting but its the lack of interest and acknowledgement for me that is really getting me down.

OP posts:
Mee5ha · 14/06/2024 10:23

If you're both used to moaning about it he might think it's normal, well it sounds like it usually was for you both and nothing has changed for him.

I think you just need to be honest with him and tell him number 1 you don't want to hear him moaning, and number 2 a bit of a well done wouldn't have gone amiss for you turning things around.

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