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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be that parent...?

26 replies

rainbowsandsparkles86 · 14/06/2024 08:42

DD is in Y1 in a 2 form entry school.

At the end of reception last year they mixed the classes and we have been told they plan to do the same again for Y2.

DD had an awful reception year and was being physically bullied by another girl in her class. Every day she was being kicked, pulled, pushed and dragged, had her fingers stamped on deliberately. We spoke to her reception teacher last year who was aware of what was happening and kept DD apart as much as possible. It was agreed that DD would be placed in the opposite class for Y1.

At the start of Y1, DD took her bang to the head after she was deliberately pushed over in the playground by this same girl so yet again I had to go to school and request that they put in place some monitoring to avoid this happening again.

This year DD has really flourished, has been much more confident and has made some lovely friendships. I am really worried that she might be put in the same class as this other girl for Y2 and all of the physical stuff will start up again.

AIBU to put a request to the school and to say that we would like to ask she is kept apart again? I have already spoken to the HT earlier this year about this child and safeguarding my DD. I just don't want to be that parent, but equally I don't want my DD to be back to being bullied. She has already been accosted in the toilets this week by this girl and I am keen for none of this to start up again.

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 14/06/2024 08:43

Yes do it.

TequilaSunsets · 14/06/2024 08:44

You should 100% request that. Insist, even.

Oceancolorseen · 14/06/2024 08:45

I would have moved schools in response to what you say happened to your dc. Seriously that is not ok. You can request the dc are kept apart, the school might respect your wishes but they might not. What do you plan to do if they are put in the same class?

FabricPattern · 14/06/2024 08:45

You're simply advocating for your child. This is exactly your role.

modgepodge · 14/06/2024 08:45

hopefully they are aware of it anyway but I’d definitely pop in and mention it to make sure. Better to do that before classes are announced than after and be trying to get one of the girls moved after it’s all been announced!

catsandkittensandcats · 14/06/2024 08:46

A simple polite request really doesn’t make you That Parent.

whereistheplot · 14/06/2024 08:47

Yes insist it, your job as her parent is to advocate for her don't worry about being that parent.

Original poster
rainbowsandsparkles86 · 14/06/2024 08:47

Oceancolorseen · 14/06/2024 08:45

I would have moved schools in response to what you say happened to your dc. Seriously that is not ok. You can request the dc are kept apart, the school might respect your wishes but they might not. What do you plan to do if they are put in the same class?

Well I would like to think they would keep them apart, but if they do I think we will seriously have to consider moving schools.

OP posts:
Soboredofdiettalk · 14/06/2024 08:48

You aren't being "that parent". Yanbu

SeatedattheVirginals · 14/06/2024 08:49

FabricPattern · 14/06/2024 08:45

You're simply advocating for your child. This is exactly your role.

Yes, it’s disturbing you think that you’re being ‘that parent’ by simply doing your job in protecting your child. DS was bullied and I ended up having to kick up a massive stink, with other parents, including going to the board of governors, to get a well-meaning but lackadaisical school to implement its own bullying policy. I can’t imagine feeling apologetic about that. Your child needs to know you have their back and will move heaven and earth to stop them being harmed.

Ahnobother · 14/06/2024 08:51

I would absolutely do it. And in fact I have done this for my own daughter.
No teacher wants to have that dynamic in their class and for certain no pupil should put up with being harassed and physically attacked in school.

Chickenuggetsticks · 14/06/2024 08:52

Yeah definitely, do it.

aerkfjherf · 14/06/2024 08:54

why hasn't this girl been suspended? I dont understand why she is allowed to behave like that and just carry on . She should be suspended after any act of physical violence, and once the suspensions have added up to enough days, automatically expelled

If she is doing this to your daughter she will be doing it to others

Singleandproud · 14/06/2024 08:55

A polite request from a parent like this is a complete non-issue, just do it sooner rather than later as they'll be sorting class lists now and give a little evidence as you gave here as to why it's important they be kept separate, don't assume everyone involved to know the history between the girls.

Original poster
rainbowsandsparkles86 · 14/06/2024 08:55

aerkfjherf · 14/06/2024 08:54

why hasn't this girl been suspended? I dont understand why she is allowed to behave like that and just carry on . She should be suspended after any act of physical violence, and once the suspensions have added up to enough days, automatically expelled

If she is doing this to your daughter she will be doing it to others

The head! They left in April and we've now got a much more dynamic HT who is more present and approachable.

OP posts:
Whyoohwhyohwhyyyy · 14/06/2024 08:57

I wouldn't hesitate to insist on this

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 14/06/2024 08:57

Absolutely do it - you don't have to be rude just remind them about the awful year she had.

Newuser75 · 14/06/2024 08:58

aerkfjherf · 14/06/2024 08:54

why hasn't this girl been suspended? I dont understand why she is allowed to behave like that and just carry on . She should be suspended after any act of physical violence, and once the suspensions have added up to enough days, automatically expelled

If she is doing this to your daughter she will be doing it to others

I was thinking the same thing!

Spangler · 14/06/2024 08:59

I would insist on this. You are doing the absolute minimum I’d expect a parent to do in this situation, not being “that parent”.

Heronwatcher · 14/06/2024 09:02

YANBU, put it in writing, detail the various previous incidents too.

flyinghen · 14/06/2024 09:20

1000% they should be kept apart, the school should have already done this really!

Mnetcurious · 14/06/2024 09:25

Absolutely talk to the school, outline how difficult it used to be, how she has flourished since being apart from this child, you wouldn’t want to have issues of school refusal if she were to be back in a class with this child, etc. They will understand. It’s not like you’re insisting she gets to be with her best friend, which is the sort of thing that makes you that parent.

Original poster
rainbowsandsparkles86 · 14/06/2024 09:34

Thanks everyone. Email sent. Sometimes you need Mumsnet to tell you YANBU!

OP posts:
ArentYouAshamed · 14/06/2024 10:16

aerkfjherf · 14/06/2024 08:54

why hasn't this girl been suspended? I dont understand why she is allowed to behave like that and just carry on . She should be suspended after any act of physical violence, and once the suspensions have added up to enough days, automatically expelled

If she is doing this to your daughter she will be doing it to others

They don't do that anymore. They just coddle the bully and tell the victim to change their behaviours and routines to avoid the bully. It's easier to control the victim than the difficult child.

"Dont react"
"Just ignore him"
"If he comes to play football, go see if there's another group playing and join them instead"
"Tell the teacher in charge of the playground"
"Now I'm sure it was just... [insert any excuse here]"
My fave was in another meeting, the head teacher, when I said I was sick to death of DS getting in the car every single day and telling me how XX had scribbled on his workbook today, or pushed him into the bins, or kicked him to the ground, she told me that I was to cut DS off and stop him talking about it. Apparently I was allowing him to focus on XX and encouraging the discussions.

You want to know what worked? Public shaming and an argument with the mother. And letting her know I'd finally told my DS Telling to hit back. HARD. And not to stop until he was on the ground.

Years and years of complaining to the school by myself AND other parents. Kids mum was a local and an ex teacher there and the kid is not ASD. (We know because of broken confidentiality). She's just a shit parent who never said a thing as she stood smiling, watching him run up and push babies to the ground or generally terrorise other kids. And yes, we watched it happen. She'd get a daily report on what he'd done that day.
TBH it was as shocking as it was fascinating to see it happen in real life. It was crazy.

I couldn't even move my kid because the only other school was the one she currently worked at and too far away.

LakeTiticaca · 14/06/2024 11:48

Yes of course you must do it. Also I highly recommend your DD signs up for self defence classes. It worked for my granddaughter. Nobody bullies her anymore