8 months separated, 6 months since my ex moved out -- what to do with his stuff?

[LurkingAndVenting]

I've got another potentially cheeky question that I'd like to submit to the mumsnet brain trust.

My husband and I have been separated since last October. He moved out of the matrimonial home last December.

He's still got a load of his stuff here in the matrimonial home.

I'm interested in doing a deep clean and de-clutter of the house overall. I don't know what to do with his stuff.

I have saved boxes since Christmas so that he can come and pack his own stuff up.

He's not done it.

I have tried to gently suggest, "oh hey, you got an XBox, huge TV, stereo system, etc., when are you coming to get those?"

He's also got loads of paperwork all boxed up.

Even his dad's ashes are still here.

I do feel like I am at the point of saying, 'enough is enough', because I want to make the matrimonial home a great home for our kids.

The kids often comment about how it doesn't feel like their home, because they are constantly reminded that their dad is no longer here, since his stuff is still around, etc.

I'd like to reclaim this space and make it better for the kids and myself... to make it a home again.

So after all this time... what should I do about my ex's stuff?

What storage space does he have in his new home? What is the status of the "marital home" - bought , rented?

Send message - if it’s not gone by X date, I will choose what to do with it.

Pretty simple really.

As Bobloblaw86 says. Or box it all up and take it round to him. You need to have it out of the way.

I agree
I will be getting rid of your
possessions after XX
(maybe not the ashes)

What's the situation with the house? Is he still contributing financially towards it?

Does he still jointly own this matrimonial home? If so, he may feel he has every right to keep his stuff there. I don't know if you could legally get rid of his stuff from a jointly owned home. I'd clarify that bit with a solicitor.

If it turns out that you are entitled to get rid of his stuff then I agree with PPs. Give him a date for it to be out by and tell him it will be sold/thrown out/given to charity shops if it's not gone.

If it turns out that since 'it's his house too' he can have his stuff there, I'd try to box/bag up what I could and try to find a place for it. Attic, stair cupboard, garage, shed, anywhere relatively 'weatherproof' that's away from the children's eyes.

When my ex moved out, he took his clothes and personal effects and that was it. As part of our settlement agreement he got money and bought his own new stuff. My children never once asked why his stuff was still there; they just assumed it was normal house stuff. I’m not sure why looking at a TV you would be asking why is dad not here?

if it’s personal effects then should be easy to stick into a couple of boxes into the loft or garage surely.

Also, as PP said, unless the house is now yours legally I would expect him still to have potentially have stuff there.

Can you get it delivered to his house?

I think it depends, where he is licking. What the financial agreement says about the long term situation with the property. is it owned are you buying him out? Is it being sold?

I’d box it all up and dump it on his door step.

unless he still owns half the house and it’s not fully split yet.

Do you have a spare room or garage where you could box the stuff up and shut it away until he takes it?

I find it odd that your children are saying it's not a home because it's got his stuff in it?

I mean do they care who the TV belongs too?

It drove me nuts when my ex left. I wanted the house to feel 'mine' and having his stuff around just wound me up. He has to get a storage unit if he has no room where he is.

What is the story legally with the house?
If it’s in his name still or legally you are still entangled then I wouldn’t do anything other than box it all up and store it somewhere in the house (or deliver it to him in person) - do not dispose of anything.

If legally this is solely your house then I (finances dependent) would put it in a storage centre, pay one month storage, notify (and have records) him that it is paid up till x date and then it is out of your hands. If he doesn’t collect it or continue the storage fees then the storage place will dispose/sell them. Don’t simply dispose of things yourself as legally it could backfire on you.

Don't chuck anything of his away. You could get into trouble for it if he decides to kick off.

Pack it all up, arrange to have it delivered to him. If he doesn't want it, you'll need to get that in writing. Make sure that he is there when it is delivered.

Really depends on who’s house it is and where he’s moved to.