To think friend was never really sincere?

[SuperFishy]

Friend of 16 years (m) and myself (f) recently stopped talking- his decision not mine. It was over a social media post- don't want to mention topic as could be outing, but it was a popular talking point from Tiktok a couple of months ago and sparked many views and discussions. We clashed over the two sides of the coin and he took it really personally and basically proved my point tbh, whilst being rude to several of my friends as well. He blocked me then messaged my daughter that I'd 'turned into a monster' and cut me off. I'm understandably devastated, but now more angry that he acted like this. AiBU to think that there's more to it than just this? That's he's been insincere for a long time? That he's harboured judgy thoughts about me in the background and thinks so little of me that he was a gutless wonder who couldn't tell me so face to face? That I'm stupid feeling so betrayed? YABU was reasonable in how he cut me off YANBU I deserved better than that after a long term friendship

The bear debate.
YANBU.

You have differing opinions on something important to him

I would unfriend or block someone posting racist nonsense without necessarily telling them I was going to do so especially if we had already clashed.

If you aren't prepared to say what it is I can't say which side I would be on. But YABU to say he is a gutless wonder because he has blocked you.

If it was a popular Tiktok talking point, I doubt it would be that outing.

Yes, I was attempting to get him to understand why women were choosing the bear, but he stuck to the idea it was attacking him personally.

So would I, we usually agreed on most subjects but not this, it was man v bear and he ridiculed the idea and told each woman they were wrong and was really quite rude.

I se his pov in that most of the feminist news posts about it are obviously a bit insulting to men who are ethical - they might take it personally as it's against all men in a way. If he's a best male friend he might have thought I were attacking him. Were you?

Why would you think he was insincere all along though? Whatever the debate was, it crossed a line for him and he couldn't move on from that. He obviously thinks differently about you now. Personally I think that's a bit childish but you see it all the time here, people cutting off old friends over views on politics, family, society whatever. Try not to let this ending poison all the years you were friends. Who knows, he might come around or you might change your view.

Absolutely not, we have differing ideas sometimes, and can talk through them rationally, but I will say, I will usually back down or change the subject to keep the peace sometimes. I didn't with this.

That's exactly why I'm second guessing the whole relationship, because of how he's ended it. I've tried not to brood on it, and I haven't bad mouthed him, but it's definitely the end of our friendship regardless of whether he changes his mind as I won't be discarded like an old newspaper, I deserve better than that.

In that case you are in the right but if he can't handle it that's on him!

I understand. There was a thread here a few weeks ago about friends breaking up and everyone including me tends to question everything after being dumped. It's very hurtful and difficult.

I'm used to talking to him almost daily so it's been very difficult

If he doesn't understand that, he's not someone I'd be friends with. Demonstrates a lack of integrity at the least, an ignorance toward women too.

It's the not all men, yes all women, debate in a different way.

That's it exactly. I felt that he was dismissing women entirely. As a gay man, I thought that he would understand how it feels to be scared and wary, but his alpha white male won out instead.

It is sad.
I'm a gay woman. I've found that most men in my life have been understanding of it..which I do appreciate. To be honest for the majority, unfortunately I feel that the bear reference is a bit too obscure.

#notallbears