Have you ever “restarted” your life?

[Movingonup2024]

Hi ladies,

Has anyone here ever “restarted” their life? I’ve gone through something traumatic recently, and it’s been a difficult time. I’ve also received a life-changing amount of money as a result.

I’m 31, don’t have family (estranged by choice), and don’t have many friends anymore. This lack of friends is compounded by my estrangement from family.

The last few years have been hard on and off. I miss the city where I lived before I had to estrange myself. I moved further out because it was more affordable to live on my own. I’m currently renting, and this is my fourth flat since 2020. I don’t have a sense of community in any of the places I’ve lived and often feel out of place. I have hobbies, but the lack of diversity makes it difficult to make friends. I wonder if I’ll ever make friends again at 31, but I do feel my location is an issue.

Anyway, I say all this to ask: Have you ever restarted your life? What was the catalyst that led you to do so? Did you plan it financially or was it more spontaneous?

How is your life now? How do you feel about your decision? Have you made friends or chosen family since doing so? Any tips?

Thanks for reading and for any advice you can share.

I'm not sure what you mean about "restarting" my life. Have I moved around, yes. Moved to another country in my early 20s, then moved around different parts of the country throughout my adulthood. Two years ago moved 200 miles across the country again in my 40s. I have a small selection of friends. I am perfectly content and I would point out that it is true what they say - you can't run away from yourself. Your problems will follow you no matter where you are so maybe focus on working through your challenges, don't just expect a new place to fix everything.

It’s not running away from your problems to want to move back to your home city and wish to have a new/fresh start and a sense of community. It doesn’t equate to running away from problems.

Except that you haven't said that your intention was to move back to you home city, have you?
You just said everything is a bit crap at the moment, a lot of things has gone on in the past and you feel disconnected. You want to move back to reconnect with old friends? Makes perfect sense. But your post didn't say anything about that.

I did in my late 20s. My life had gone to shit, I lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone else's business and I just couldn't keep going on like I was. Moved 200 miles away, house shared with a friend, got a new job and restarted completely. That was nearly 20 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. Met my (now) Husband, had a wonderful DD and until I got too ill to work a couple of years ago I had a fantastic job, had worked my way up the ranks and was still going.

what is it you are trying to achieve? If you move back is it just because of fond memories? Would you try a different city that was more affordable?

Yes. All started going ok until I was side swiped with a horrible health diagnosis that fucked everything up

Depends on your reason for moving.

If you are running away it won't work, everything will still be there just in a different location.

If you are running too somewhere then yes it can work. We did it. It was tough, took a year to gain some new good friends (and that was with young kids at the school gate). But put yourself out there, join local clubs, hobby groups, whatever, it can work out fantastically.

Don't rush into any decision - work out what you really want from the move, and then go from there.

I did in my mid 20s, and will do again after certain obstacles (human ones) disappear from my life.
45 now, married, no kids.
Will probably go back to my country.

Yes. I moved to the south coast from London at 38, studied a degree, changed career at 45. Even got a nose job and look different! Living a completely different life to 10 years ago, new friends etc. Cut my sister out of my life who had treated me like dog shit for years.

Absolutely no regrets. Life is what you make it.

Twice. The first was when I moved across the country at 18 to get away from the place I grew up and the people there. I was being attacked physically several times a week due to a false rumour about one of my friends and it ruined several peoples lives.

I started over in a new city and in my first week there I met my OH who helped me build a life for myself and I was happy for the first time.

Then at 33 years old, in march this year, I was forced to start over again. My wonderful OH died and our life died with it. I'm trying to make something new now but it's not going very well so far.

Yes although it didn’t work the way I planned. I moved back to a lovely area where I grew back some years ago, as a single parent and sold my house to do so. My parents said they would help me buy a local house (much more expensive area) and I trusted them despite lots of childhood abuse. So I moved back. The childhood abuse that was all in the past became a nightmare as it started up again and the now my children were involved.
I extracted myself and rented a property and we haven’t seen them for years. Children love the area and their schools - it took me a number of years to see it as my home.

In my case I did loads of therapy on myself and love my career, hpuse and fiends. I feel totally different now to 5 years ago never mind 30 years ago

I did restart my life many years ago. I just got fed up with being terribly introverted and ignored. Moved city and forced myself to start conversations with people and say yes to doing new things. Best thing I could have done! Made some good friends and had experiences I wouldn't have otherwise.

Years later, I did the same again. Moved away from some people who were holding me back and changed aspects of myself I didn't like. Within a few months, met my DH and am now married and have a lovely dc.

I would say go for it! Decide who you want to be and be that person. With minimal existing ties you have the opportunity to live the life you want. Best of luck with it all.

I think one can re-start one's life as many times as you need to.

I've done it three times - once when I married my ExH, once when I divorced him, and most recently since my beloved DP died.

I don't necessarily look at it as running away from problems that will follow you, more putting a distance between you and them that can give you a chance at objectivity and perhaps gain a better perspective to move forward and change the things that have hampered you.

Personally I think if you are trying to process a traumatic event that has changed things irrevocably and is out of your control, taking time to do so in a situation of your choosing is potentially a healthy way of acknowledging that change.

Initially I clung to my "old" life with my DP, but without him in it, everything seemed hollow and meaningless, and it was hard because some people, who meant well, truly couldn't grasp the total devastation I felt, and just kept cheerleading me without understanding that nothing will be the same for me again no matter how "positive" they tried to be.

2.5 years down and I've just moved house, a little bit further out of the area I did live in. I'm still a bit "bunny in the headlights" about everything but I'm trying to re-invent myself and my life keeping only the bits I truly value, not what other people think I should.

Life is not static, it ebbs and flows and things change often - dealing with those changes, especially if they are monumental and forced on you, can be really daunting.

OP I wish you the very best whatever you decide to do. Sometimes we just deserve a breather, a break, and time to find ourselves - it's all part of the journey.

Much love ❤️

It’s quite common to move completely away from your home town or move back to it.

Some people will move several times during their lifetime.

I would absolutely do it if I were you, in your position you could always move back if you hated it.

I would take some time to think about where you want to move to - do you want to go back to the place you’re from or are you after a completely new change like a different country.

If you want to completely restart your life then you may need to go somewhere completely new.

I think starting fresh sounds like a great idea and I wish you luck in whatever you decide 💐

A small one when I was 24 - Nottingham to London. Bigger at 32 - London to Dublin and the last one (I hope!) at 43 - Dublin to Portugal. I did each move on my own and relatively spontaneously, not part of any great life plan.

When you talk about 'sense of community' what exactly are you looking for? Something that already exists that you can become part of or something you can create for yourself?