Why can’t I just be happy

[Whatthefisit]

10 or so years ago, I worked full time in a job I hated, all my close friends had moved away, so it was just Dh, Ddog & I (don’t live near family) had been trying for years to get pregnant and going through ivf, also going through a v stressful court case for a car accident.
Fast forward to today, I work v v part time, so have time in the day to myself and a much less stressful position, I have a beautiful Dd, 6, I now have a wide group of friends and lots of social events…but I feel miserable. I feel just nothing inside most days, just so flat, it veers between this and almost constant high level irritation
We have a few money issues, as does everyone, but I don’t understand why I can’t just be happy. I miss my old self

Well, you're not happy, regardless of whether you think you 'should' be, so something in your life now isn't suiting you. If you leave aside all the reasons you think you 'should' be happy (shoulds are rarely useful), what would you like your life to be like? More meaningful work? Living somewhere else? An adventure? Is your marriage OK?

What do you think happiness should feel like? If you say you can't be happy, does that mean you think you have never been? Or was there a period in your life when you were happy?

No pleasure at all in life? No little moments where you are completely content?

I suppose expecting to be happy more often than not, is a bit of a reach these days
Do you at least feel content?

Look up Dysthymia - its a low level depression. A person could be living the absolute ideal lifestyle but feel, somehow amiss.

There is nothing wrong with you

But what i will say is - life is passing you by

I was definitely happy before, had a spark, planned things, felt enthusiastic, I can’t be bothered a lot now, feel tired. I try so hard, but feel like I’m faking it, just going through the motions, the flat empty feeling is awful. I also feel like I’m a much colder person-I don’t want to be!

Just because you were worst before doesn't mean you are not allowed feelings today.

I would start with an appointment with GP to check your health out and go from there.

Be more realistic. If you could go back all those years and see the life you have now, you'd probably think it was wonderful.
We all think the past was great. It wasn't, its much the same as now. We fretted and worried just the same as now, but we've forgotten about it.

@ssd Oh for sure and I’m so grateful for this life, that’s why it’s so confusing to feel so empty and irritated all the time

It's not normal to feel like that. Speak to a gp, get some bloods check, you could be lacking in some things that are making you feel this way.

It seems like you're stuck in a rut. You've achieved what you wanted to achieve. I think you need a new goal- get fit, get a hobby, new job, go travelling etc etc

Sounds like perimenopause symptoms
Also DC age6 is less dependent on you so you have too much free time. Think about getting a job, starting a crafting business in school hours, volunteering, hobbies - perhaps where you see more people.

Having had having a baby as a focus for years it's not surprising you now feel a bit flat. Perhaps you could do something with young children eg fostering, visiting ones with troubles etc

I was going to say it sounds like perimenopause.
Once I started on HRT I was amazed at the change in general mood it had. I still get pissed off and bored and irritated and all those kind of emotions, but I have an underlying kind of positive energy that I hadn't felt for years.

Please contact your GP, that sounds very like I was, unhappy, lost mojo, felt slightly cut off from everyone and everything, felt I was playing a part, was irritable etc. Felt it wrong to seek help as nothing to be unhappy or depressed about. Doctor listened, directed me to sources of help and offered medication. Took only a low dose to make a difference.

Another vote for perimenopause.

I was almost suicidal pre-HRT. It affects everyone so differently, but there's a reason doctors often confuse it for depression.

(Edited typo)

It could be perimenopause like a few posters mentioned or depression.
I experienced something similar and now I’m in therapy and taking Sertraline, it took about 6-7 weeks before I noticed a difference but now almost feeling like my old self.
Maybe go and speak to someone or contact a specialist in women’s health, I think perimenopause symptoms seem to be something many gp’s just brush off.

Yes I agree, it sounds like perimenopause. have blood tests Although, they said to me it wasn't that much down. I said my distance reckoning was soo off.
They gave me HRT after my insistence All was ok after

Also, please consider getting tested for depression. It crept up on me from nowhere, and after getting help, I have more good days than bad.
https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression/

Parental fatigue?

Have you checked for vitamins deficiency? Do you eat well? Take vitamin D? Excercise? Meditate? Do you have a hobby?

I feel vitamin D, yoga and meditation help me