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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overwhelmed by work

6 replies

LacyRuby · 13/06/2024 13:23

I need some advice of how to get through to my husband that I cannot manage all he expects me to do with his business.

I am approaching 65, had serious medical issues, early retirement 8 years ago and have a husband who expects me to be his 'partner' in his business which is maintaining gardens for 3 clients, Designing and laying of new gardens, tree surgery and hedge maintenance. I haven't the physical strength now after illness either. He treats me, when I work with him, like his mate, fetch this, carry that, tidy that, hold that etc, and quite honestly I am worn out. I weigh about 8.5 stone and I am expected to do this work but also cook and clean the house too. I have my own interests which I really enjoy, but I have to keep cancelling them because he is busy. I have tried and tried to talk to him about anxiousness and the concern that I cannot physically do this work - all he says is don't worry about it, we can sort it, but if I don't go to work with my husband he is so moody and miserable. Its awful.....he has turned into a real grumpy miserable man. He is fine with other people - laughing, chatting; but to me he is ignorant and disrespectful.

OP posts:
PBandJ111 · 13/06/2024 13:26

Leave? Stop?

SchoolQuestionnaire · 13/06/2024 13:29

You don’t have to do this. He’s treating you like shit anyway so you may as well enjoy your bloody hobbies.

Does he even pay you or does he expect you to work for free? He needs to hire a labourer.

fedupandstuck · 13/06/2024 13:32

Does he pay you? (I'm guessing not) Is he a similar age to you?

I would tell him once that you will not be working for him any more and that if he needs help, he needs to hire a labourer. If he says he can't afford to hire a labourer then his "business" is just a subsidised hobby.

Then, stick to it. If he is unreasonably grumpy and unpleasant to you as a result, then I'd be raising that with him too and asking why he has such total disregard for your health and well-being.

LacyRuby · 13/06/2024 13:44

No, he doesn't pay me, but he uses the money to pay for buying the heating oil and grocery etc. but he spends quite a bit on himself. I am fed up and really feel like telling him to leave. Its my house. I feel really stupid now Ive started to write it all down. Im 65 for goodness sake.

OP posts:
pinkgin79 · 13/06/2024 13:49

I'd tell him it stops or he has to leave. 65 years old, ill health and he's treating you like a labourer. Time to wake up and smell the coffee.

And by the way he's not buying groceries etc you are out of the pay you should be receiving!

Mee5ha · 13/06/2024 14:08

Just don't do it?

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