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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DC out of school for a year?

26 replies

avarteahaba · 13/06/2024 12:44

I've had the worst few years ever. Working 70+ hour weeks at some points, have missed out on a lot of time and firsts with my only DC - aged five.

His dad is a bit of a dick and has decided he's moving to Australia (for no reason other than pleasure) so there's nothing keeping us here.

I feel like going abroad for a year or so. Either putting him a school over there, or home educating.

Am I crazy?

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 13/06/2024 12:47

Are you wanting to change things up because it will be the best thing for your child. Or is it because you feel like having a change?

If you're in England, presumably your DS is in Reception atm? Will he be ok with a big change, do you think?

Original poster
avarteahaba · 13/06/2024 12:49

fedupandstuck · 13/06/2024 12:47

Are you wanting to change things up because it will be the best thing for your child. Or is it because you feel like having a change?

If you're in England, presumably your DS is in Reception atm? Will he be ok with a big change, do you think?

He's in reception.

I really want to give him new, enriching experiences. Of course, we can get that in the UK, but I thought: why not? There's nothing keeping us here.

I think he would be ok, he's very easy going and seems to adapt well to change, but obviously I can't predict that with any certainty.

OP posts:
Thatsajokeright · 13/06/2024 12:49

Do it.

Life is too short. Your son won't miss out on much and could easily catch up while he's so young.

bluewaxcrayon · 13/06/2024 12:49

"Abroad" can mean absolutely everything, so who knows.

I wouldn't make a child miss out on reception if I can avoid it. It was one of the classes impossible to replicate during the lockdowns. It's actually easier when it becomes less about social skills and learning their way round through play, and more about academic knowledge.

Original poster
avarteahaba · 13/06/2024 12:51

bluewaxcrayon · 13/06/2024 12:49

"Abroad" can mean absolutely everything, so who knows.

I wouldn't make a child miss out on reception if I can avoid it. It was one of the classes impossible to replicate during the lockdowns. It's actually easier when it becomes less about social skills and learning their way round through play, and more about academic knowledge.

I would go early next year, so he'd be partly through year 1.

OP posts:
menopausalmare · 13/06/2024 12:55

You want to uproot yourself and live on the opposite side of the planet with a man who is a bit of a dick.
I wouldn't.
Lose the man, keep your child in school and reassess your life.

Barleysugar86 · 13/06/2024 12:57

My son learnt a lot at this time in school- things like phonics- I don't understand them enough to teach but they do so much. He also just loved forming those first close friendships.

Could you not just take a long summer away? At 5 I think they enjoy a sense of home and stability too. If we go away for two weeks my son is excited to come home and excited for the start of school again after the holidays.

InTheRainOnATrain · 13/06/2024 12:59

What about your job? Have you checked how would it work from an immigration perspective? You usually can’t just up and move to another country for a whole year unless you both have a visa. Could DS access local schools there? Would there be a language issue? They do need socialisation with friends at that age, not just hanging out with mum. But presuming that can all be sorted then he’ll be fine, we’ve did the expat thing for a years and know loads of similar families and under 8s are for the most part really adaptable.

fedupandstuck · 13/06/2024 13:07

If you are going to do it, it's probably better to do it when your DS is still young. If he is easy going and sociable he should be ok to make new sets of friends each time you move.

I would echo the questions of PP about the logistics of a year abroad - work, funding, visas, access to schools/healthcare etc etc. If you move abroad and home educate, how will you pay your way?

BardsAreAssholes · 13/06/2024 13:09

No better time than now, while he is young. I know a number of people who have done this and the earlier they did it the easier it seemed to be.

Go for it, OP, and good luck on your adventures!

EsmeSusanOgg · 13/06/2024 13:12

Do it!

As you said, life is short. He is still little. Have an adventure.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 13/06/2024 13:12

If you are going to do this then it's a great age and lest likely to have a long term affect in education.

Yellowcarrot · 13/06/2024 13:22

Yes do it! We lived in a couple of European countries when ours were little. When we moved back our daughter went straight into year 2. She couldn’t read or write but she caught up really fast. She didn’t need phonics (I think it is only needed here as we teach such young children to read). I wouldn’t worry about doing too much academic work with your son. Just have fun and enjoy the experience.

Copperkryten · 13/06/2024 13:26

Do it! I think the worst time to move kids is teenage years. They make friends so easily at 5/6.
Plus British education is shocking- so much unnecessary sats-pressure league pressure table for primary kids.

Tinytigertail · 13/06/2024 13:33

menopausalmare · 13/06/2024 12:55

You want to uproot yourself and live on the opposite side of the planet with a man who is a bit of a dick.
I wouldn't.
Lose the man, keep your child in school and reassess your life.

Huh? That's not what OP said at all.
I would absolutely take a year out with your son at this age. A friend of mine took her son to Barcelona for a couple of years when he was pre-school age and they had a wonderful experience.

Heirian · 13/06/2024 13:38

fedupandstuck · 13/06/2024 12:47

Are you wanting to change things up because it will be the best thing for your child. Or is it because you feel like having a change?

If you're in England, presumably your DS is in Reception atm? Will he be ok with a big change, do you think?

Why shouldn't she have a change? She's a mother, not a nun.

All the replies implying the kid will suffer from travelling and missing reception. My DH is in a diplomatic career and we have lived at several postings. All the lovely, confident kids here who change schools every three years or so seem to be doing just fine. Plenty of people in other life paths lead mobile lives and there are lots of ways you can keep your kids on an even keel.

A child's stability is their family, if you're doing it right. Some may prefer the same place for eighteen years but there's just as many who would benefit from adventure and discovery.

fedupandstuck · 13/06/2024 13:50

I'm not saying she shouldn't change. There are loads of families that are mobile and move frequently, whose children adapt and enjoy it. But, sometimes that's not the case and there are known and evidenced issues (worse academic performance, worse mental health) with moving during childhood. These can be mitigated by higher income and high resilience, as well as keeping the moving around to younger ages.

If you're contemplating a course of action it's a good idea to look at the cons as well as the pros.

[I did not stay in the same place for 18 years when growing up]

Original poster
avarteahaba · 13/06/2024 14:07

menopausalmare · 13/06/2024 12:55

You want to uproot yourself and live on the opposite side of the planet with a man who is a bit of a dick.
I wouldn't.
Lose the man, keep your child in school and reassess your life.

Sorry, I don't know if I was clear enough.

It wouldn't be to go and be with him.

Just that him moving so far away, means we have nothing keeping us here now.

OP posts:
PaddingtonTheAngelofDeath · 13/06/2024 14:09

Go if you can. There is so much more than school.

OnHisSweaterAlreadyMomsSpaghetti · 13/06/2024 14:45

Absolutely do it. At this point he will learn far more through life experiences and it will be amazing for you both

Stinkerantibiotic · 13/06/2024 14:47

I'd do it! Just be careful as if your ex has PR he may stick an oar in and disrupt plans, but it sounds as though he isn't bothered with parenting so maybe not!

It's a great age to do it too as most countries don't start formal education for a year or two after us and the brain is far more ready to learn at 6/7 while at 5/6 it is like a little sponge for textures and new exciting adventures. Love it.

Barefootsally · 13/06/2024 14:51

Go!

Life is way too short. They grow up so fast. I’m 45 next week and it’s absolutely gone in a flash and I feel like I’m running out of time for all the things I want to do whilst I’m still able too.

You can do educational work on apps such as IXL which follow the curriculum ect.. Imagine sitting on a beach doing maths with him …

Absolutely go!

NuffSaidSam · 13/06/2024 14:54

I wouldn't.

I'd concentrate on reducing my working hours to spend more time with him and look to plan some great days out/holidays on weekends and in school holidays.

The risk otherwise is same shit, different country. I don't think that's in your DS's interests at all.

Luio · 13/06/2024 15:47

It entirely depends on where you go and what you do when you get there.

Catza · 13/06/2024 15:53

Do it. Children won't be in school in Europe at that age and kindergarten is a much more appropriate place for a child where they can learn all the soft skills without having to worry about whether they wear the school jumper correctly. Although, you can only live in Europe for 90 days in 180.
Not sure about other countries. Where are you thinking?