Should I just leave?

[whatareyousayingtome]

I'm totally fed up of my relationship and considering leaving. I've been with my DP for 4 and a half years and living together as a blended family for 18 months. This has its challenges at times but nothing I have ever felt we couldn't deal with and we have been really happy until the last few months.

Lately however, things have not been easy and we do not seem to be getting on at all and all's we seem to do is argue and bicker. I am tired of his moods and treading on eggshells, I'm tired of trying to make it work anymore, I just feel like giving up on everything. I do so much for everyone in the house and I don't feel like anything I do is valued or appreciated.

We are going away on a family holiday in 5 weeks and I'm just thinking about just getting on with things till after that and then leaving as the kids are really excited about going. I'm looking at my options for housing and thinking about getting my finances all in line ready to leave.

My question is I suppose AIBU to just tell him we are done and I'm going or should I at least give him some opportunity at trying to make changes to make things work?

We are not very good at communicating with each other and I haven't told him how I feel so not sure if he knows I'm this fed up.

I just feel a bit lost at the moment and I don't want to cause any disruption to any of the kids without being 100% sure.

Is he doing the ‘I’m going to make things unbearable so she leaves and is responsible for the break up’ thing do you think?
Is it even possible to sit down and have a serious discussion about his behaviour if you aren’t great communicators?

If you are looking at exit strategies it sounds as if you are already done tbh.

I hadn’t even thought about it that way but it’s entirely possible, what a sad thought 😔

I wouldn't bother saying anything until I was ready to leave.

Have you thought about marriage counselling? It depends if you still love him/could see yourself falling in love with him again. If you’re flogging a dead horse, I may be time to leave.

My question is I suppose AIBU to just tell him we are done and I'm going or should I at least give him some opportunity at trying to make changes to make things work?
It depends on what the changes would be and whether you really think he would commit to doing it permanently.

If you need more physical help such as laundry or cooking, is it because he's gradually stopped doing it (he might change) or has he never done it (he won't change)?

If you need him to step up and parent his child instead of you being the main parent, then it's doubtful he will ever change.

If you need him to stop shouting or belittling you, then yet again it's doubtful he will change permanently but he might try for a couple of weeks.

So tells us - what changes are you wanting?

I suppose I want him to talk to me like an adult about issues instead of just turning cold on me and making arsey comments which then result in a argument. Everything feels like a battle and its absolutely stupid arguments.

I used to feel like we were a team but now we aren't anymore. We argue over the kids when we never used to, its just hard work.

I think I've ended up doing too much and he takes it for granted and then when does a simple thing like cooks he wants a medal for it and it just undermines all the things I do that go unnoticed.

If it's just about not being able to communicate effectively then it might be worth having a go at counselling to find a better way for you both to talk about issues in a safe space, but the question still remains whether you think he would commit to the necessary work, ie is he fundamentally lazy or selfish? If yes, then it's not worth your time or the tears. If he normally gets on with stuff, tries to take the lead, then it might be worth it. Only you will know that.

I wouldn't walk away unless I'd at least tried to have a conversation about the issues. Maybe it won't go well but at least I'd tried.