I have a friend I’ve known since we were 13 but I have been getting hurt by her actions. Recently, our lives have taken very different directions. She lives in our hometown, has 2 young non-verbal autistic children, enjoys partying (heavy drxnk and drxg use) when she goes out, about once a month or so. I don’t really drink or party any more, no kids, have started focussing on my career.
Since she had kids, I usually obviously ended up going to hers every time we see each other so she didn’t need to arrange childcare, which I didn’t have a problem with. Now however I have moved into a new area, to live with my partner which is about 1.5hr drive away and I don’t really have much reason to go back to my hometown, other than to tend to the rental property I own there. We previously saw each other once every 2-3 months. Again, I would always go to her, without question even when I have lived down the road from her for a few years, and it would always be the same. I worked out its been at least 3 years since she visited me.
She recently moved into a new house about 3 months ago and has asked me three times to come over. At the same time however, I have had a niece diagnosed with cancer, my brother relapse with alcoholism, my sister has quit work due to ill health, and had to renovate my rental property. The second time she asked, I also asked about her visiting my new house that I moved into 6 months ago with my partner in a new area, which she blanked. She previously bailed on visiting me as I asked if we could not go out drinking and do dinner instead, but she wanted to ‘make the most of her night off’ and visited another friend.
It’s happened quite a few times before, but I usually just let it go because of the kid situation. She often says it’s difficult, due to her children, which I do understand. The hurtful part is that I see quite often on social media she will have nights out with friends in far-away cities (i.e. Birmingham, London) based on partying (she has a very supportive husband/family nearby for help) but when I have asked, it gets blanked. It feel like to me, unless there is heavy drxnk and drxg use, it’s not something she prioritizes. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be in her position to be a carer for 2 young children, and she wants to blow off steam.
AIBU asking her to make some effort to come to me given her childcare responsibilities?
TLDR; Friend ignored my request to visit my new home, but has asked me to do so. I have done so a lot over many years, but I feel hurt as as it’s been at least 3 years since she came over to mine and I am struggling with lots of other family difficulties? I often see on social media she will visit far away friends for partying but she says she just ignores/bails on me when I ask her to come visit me.