'DH' vs Parents - AIBU to be sick of it?

[Rosebyanothername19]

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with having to mediate between my

My parents look after our childretwo days a week so I can work (self employed and Wfh)
My husband announced the other day that he doesn't feel he can come home early if they are here as he feels awkward.

He said If I asked them to leave early he would do school pick up and take over. I agreed on the assurance that he would do pick up and not Flake and leave it to me, meaning I have to cut my working day short.

He agreed but having done it for a few weeks is now going back on that so I asked my pareto step back in. He thinks I'm being unfair as I know he can't come home early if he wants to with my parents there and I'm holding him to random over pick ups. I feel like I'm just not letting him go back on his word.

Also there is a concert coming up at school and he says he won't go if my parents are going. It's their (other) day yo pick up and I know they want to be there, but also I know DC will be sad if DH isn't there.

There's no real back story, they are perfectly amicable if they are in the same room. DH just says he is sick of them being here all the time (which is 2 days a week until one of us finishes work to take over.

I get he has a stressful job and needs dowdnt and his own space but I can't just not have childcare on the off-chance he decides to come home early and I hate having to choose who ge- ts to come to things and try to stop people being disappointed.

Edited by MNHQ to fix the odd spacing

What’s with the weird spacing?

Your DH sounds like an ungreatful arsehole. He can pay for 2 days nursery if he doesn’t want your parents around.

@mumsnet everytime i remove all the spaces and go to post it puts them all back in again!

Could you not use a child minder for two pick ups a week.

I can totally relate to feeling uncomfy in my own home when the in-laws are there especially if they are in my home before me. Makes me feel like a child going to someone else’s house.

His being a dick about the concert.

Your husband is being totally unreasonable. He can't have it both ways. He comes home early He does pick up because you are working if he doesn't want them there. It's not holding him to ransom at all. It is ensuring you have cover in a way that suits him.

If you weren't working from home there wouldn't be an option of him opting out of collection.

So sorry about the spacing. It's driving me mad. I keep taking them out and thru all just jump back in!

How come your parents don't leave once he's home to takeover?

He doesn't really get a choice if he can't keep his word.
He is being a knob about the concert.

Ask him straight what solution he has to enable both of you to work if it isn't your very kind dps providing child care..

We could just pay for nursery and wrap around care but my parents enjoy spending time with my children.

They are retired And I think see it like a little part time job (albeit unpaid!)

Can your parents have them at their house and your DH can pick them up on his way home?

Yes this, they take them to theirs, dh can pick them up on his way home. Win win surely.

Unless he flakes on that too and the kids are still at the grandparents late till OP can pick them up.

Absolutely. He wants free childcare but your parents to leave immediately when he gets home (rude). He won’t commit to being home so you don’t have reliable childcare. He puts his petty squabbles (must be petty or he wouldn’t want them caring for his children presumably) ahead of his children’s needs and feelings about concert. Sounds delightful. Frankly sounds like your parents are much more helpful than him so if there’s a choice that has to be made…

@TomatoSandwiches

They live about 40 minutes away and not on his way home unfortunately or this would be great!

Your husband needs to grow up ! What a child ! You are getting needed help from your parent's.. help he isn’t capable of sticking to (when he’s got to do it). This would drive me insane !!!

Your dh is behaving like a spoiled brat. You can’t work and have the dc. He has clearly demonstrated that he is unable to pick up the slack so he’s very lucky that your parents are happy to help and he should be a bit more grateful. If he chooses to miss out on his children growing up as he can’t tolerate their dgp’s twice a week then it’s his own fault and I wouldn’t be pandering to his nonsense. Your poor kids deserve far better than this utter knobber.

That's awful OP.

He wants to go home and laze about. Not watch children. Not do anything. Your parents being there ruins that

So he wants to fuck up your career and risk upsetting his children and your parents so that he doesn't have to be polite to his inlaws a couple of times a week?

What a dick

How early does he get home? How long is the crossover?

I think he's got a cheek op.
He asked for the situation to change so you did go accommodate his wishes, he went back on that agreement so what does he expect.
The only thing I would say though is when he arrives home do your parents still hang around? I can sort of, just very sort of though, see his point about not being able to relax in his own house with your parents there.

Wow, your parents are doing nearly 1.5 hrs round trip twice per week to look after your children, for free no less…he’s being so ungrateful. Does he not realise how fortunate you are?!

Your parents are consistent and reliable and he is not.

I know who i would be putting first.

So your parents do 3 hrs of travelling every week so they can do childcare for you.

He wants them to stop doing that and for you to fuck up your work, on the off chance he wants to come home early, just so he doesn't have to make civil conversation with his own family?

What.The.Fuck. Your "D"H is an arsehole.