Can’t get her to school

[Motherhoodishard]

Feel like I’m failing as a parent.
Dd, 5, suffers from constipation/being backed up. She’s had tummy aches and nausea on and off for 3 weeks. She’s up and down with it, she can be fine and play etc at some points, but then at other times, has tummy ache, feels sick, has no energy, doesn’t want to leave the house and so on.
She’s become very anxious to go back to school as she gets scared that she’ll feel sick at school and I’m not there or she’ll do sloppy poos etc. I was taking her in and picking up at lunch as she’s worse after eating. She’s now not been in for almost two weeks. School are very aware and have all medical notes off the specialist. I’ve talked to Dd about it lots, I’ve said she should try to go in, I can give her an anti sickness tablet, medicine and any real problems, the teacher will call me and I’ll be straight there (live 2 minutes away) I’ve said she can stay until lunch for a few days at first to get used to going again. She just becomes overwhelmed with anxiety, she cries the night before saying she doesn’t want to go in, then cries and panics in the morning.
After this week, she has two weeks left in school until they finish for summer, she will have lots of lovely activities and the end of year show/graduation. I feel so sad she’ll miss this and her last chance in this class, I also worry if we don’t go back, she won’t want to in September.
She’ll have a v long summer off school and constipation issues will be gone by September.
I’m not sure what to do? Feel so utterly stressed about this, on one hand worried sick she’s missing all this time and on the other hand, I feel guilty for pushing her at times when she cries to me.
She’s bright and i‘m a teacher and can do bits with her over summer, so I’m not concerned educationally.

What would you do? Make her go in or just see how she is and accept she might not return until September if not out of this impacted stage by the end of term?

@Lemonademoney Thank you 🙏 yes we were on prebiotics last time, I shall ask the Dr about them again

Ok so a bit left field if it caused issues with behaviour are there any other issues - the only cases I've seen with behavioural issues has been with children with asd and it's exacerbated how they behave. Constipation and bowel issues can also be common with children with asd.

@IseultHam She has been under a gastro Pediatric since she was 3.5.

@IseultHam She hasn’t been assessed for Asd, I’ve known of many neurotypical children whose behaviour was affected too.

Unless you plan to home school I think you should be trying to get her in even if it’s only for an hour or two a day and I’m very surprised that the school haven’t suggested this . I don’t think a 5 yo is best placed to decide if they want to go to school or not , that is a parents decision .

My son gets constipated, and can be horrifically painful, but stomach problems run in my family.

Make sure her diet is good, my son gets constipated if he eats too many bread items (he adores bread so is a tough battle).

Movical is amazing stuff for getting rid of the impaction, and maintaining. I tried all sorts of non medicated remedies but nothing worked as well as movicol.

I do echo a PP, it sounds like your DD may have behavioural issues given the levels of her anxiety.

I also don't agree with keeping her out of school. It turns school into something optional, which unless home educated, isn't an option.

I'd be doing an hour a day, increasing over the course of the next 2 weeks. She might throw a tizz, but assuming she isn't actively vomiting etc there is no reason not to push to get her to go in.

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel She doesn’t have behavioural issues, she’s been in for half days here and there the last few weeks, but gets upset as she doesn’t want to be at school
with a tummy ache and feeling sick. Is that a behavioural issue? As soon as it’s all resolved I know she’ll be happy to go back in

Could she go in for the graduation with you there to watch? Maybe it would help her to finish the year on a high note and go back in September?

@User79853257976 Yes, I did think this, the only thing is that over the next couple of weeks they’ll be learning their songs etc for the performance, she won’t know them or where to stand and so on. It’s so sad to miss it though and I think she’d be ok with Dh and I there, assuming she’s ok on the day

DD suffered from constipation when she was younger which I still believe started with the treatment for her reflux at 6 months old. We spent 8 years trying everything but got stuck in a cycle of impaction, constipation then diarrhoea. It was awful for her and frustrating for us.
We were under a specialist but ultimately what helped was a combination of: yakult drinks every morning, making sure she drank 2 bottles of water everyday, eliminating certain food eg banana, processed white cards and making sure she had 3 portions of fruit every day.
She also started to "grow out of it" and now at 12 she only gets brief periods of constipation.
Honestly you and your DD have my sympathy because it is incredibly stressful for everyone.

I think you are being very optimistic saying that when she’s better she will want to go back

@twistyizzy Thank you 🙏It’s so stressful
and so sorry you had to go through that. I didn’t expect it to happen again tbh and it has been a long time since it happened the first time. She just will occasionally not poo for a few days but then us fine. We also cut down on bananas, carrots and rice too, as suggested by her specialist, they also told me she will likely grow out of it

@Floralnomad Why? 😬She misses her friends & teachers and enjoys school in general. She’s very outgoing and sociable, so is bored at home and would rather be better and not missing the school trips etc. She wouldn’t go to a playground meet up the other day with all our closest friends because she had tummy ache that day, she’d never want to miss that.
Do you think I’ll have trouble getting her to school in September? This is my worry, but I’m also worried I’m trying to force her when she’s unwell and wanting to be with me. It’s so stressful, no idea what is for the best

Ittakes2 post at 18.29 is everything you need to know

If movicol caused behavioural problems that tells you that what is underpinning the constipation is control, and she did not cope with the loss of control being on movicol brought.

Movicol basically stops children holding stool by making it liquid/runny so they can't exercise that control they gain by withholding stool.

@Pin0cchio No that isn’t the issue, but thank you, she doesn’t withhold