To be disappointed in ex's change in attitude

[ThirdTimeIucky]

I'm probably being a bit pathetic here. After several years of separation, I think me and my ex had got to decent co parenting situation. We did birthday, mother/fathers day, Christmas bits together for my daughter. I almost felt like we'd got to the point of being friends. This had taken time but I felt pretty good about it. A few friends and family suggested my ex was being so good because he wanted us to get back together but I'd managed to convince myself this wasn't the case. I thought the ground was clear between us.

I'd always been nervous of him getting a new partner, because he did have someone not long after we separated, and that was a very low point in our ability to co-parent effectively. Roll on a few years, I believed we'd reached a great place, until he found a new partner earlier this year.

His whole attitude towards me has changed. I'm being the same as usual, friendly, kind. He's very awkward, standoffish, etc. My daughter wants us to do something for him for father's day, and I'm keen to keep up these things, because I know its important to her. But I can't help but feel he's not so keen on doing things as a trio any more. I get it to a degree. But equally for me this was always about trying to do the best for our daughter. I was just pleased that I thought we'd managed to build some sort of friendship as well. But I think I may have been wrong in this. Do I stop trying to initiate us doing bits together? Am I being unreasonable to even suggest it. I've never tried to force it, I thought it was a mutual thing. Am I being an idiot to feel a bit sad about his change in attitude?

The big difference in your examples are that the ex is friends with them and their new partner, which makes it much more appropriate. (I.e the OP would need to meet and befriend his exes new partner).

So there is no more “trio” but in some cases a friendship between all adults is a good way forward.

That didn’t happen by magic though. These were tough break ups, as bad as any other break up. They’ve worked hard to get those friendships, first with the ex spouse, then with new partners. Not easy at all. You are right that it takes a certain amount of willing from all parties. When kids are involved though it shouldn’t be so hard for new partners to meet the other parent. I’ve also seen plenty of resistant new partners (and indeed exes). You’ve just got to put that aside for the sake of the kids. Some people find that easier to do than others.

I've never been a fan of keeping up a pretence of a family unit when you are no longer that- when you're both single it can work to a degree, but when new partners arrive on the scene, and sometimes more kids, it's inevitably a set up that ends- leading to great confusion for the kids. He doesn't want to do it this way anymore, and it's going to be hard for your daughter because she hasn't been through a proper separation because of this set up. She'll be upset, and probably a bit confused, but she'll move past it.