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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I over reacting?

6 replies

TiredCarer1 · 11/06/2024 21:35

Dd works with vulnerable clients but is also disabled and vulnerable herself. i feel this is relevant.
She is also one of the youngest staff members. Most other staff are at least several years older.

One of dds colleagues is always late despite living walking distance from work and last week joked if it happened again other staff could confiscate his cigarettes for the day. He was late again tonight and someone did hide them which is stupid but something the person whose cigarettes were taken does to others all the time.(he has previously taken dds phone and hid it even though she has disability communication apps on there and her phone is vital for the journey home etc. )

The person has wrongly presumed dd had hidden them presumably because previously talked to him more (it was not her) and absolutely lost their shit with her, completely switched.
They have been aggressive, refused to speak to her at work and called dd names in front of clients including referring to her as a minion of Hitler randomly. Something he is still standing by.

Even when told by the person who actually took them that it was not dd they have refused to back down and have carried on the comments and behaviour. They were only aggressive to dd even though they are now saying all the staff conspired against him are all are to blame.
He wasn't brave enough to behave like that to older staff or other men there and is still messaging dd telling her she's in the wrong not him.

There are many reasons why I don't like this colleague because of things he has done and said previously but the complete aggression tonight has made me worry as he travels alone and works alone with my dd weekly.

I'm autistic so so not know if I am over reacting myself.

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 11/06/2024 22:12

That is a complete over reaction on his part - are their managers involved? I'd expect someone higher up the chain to be shutting his nonsense down immediately abd taking disciplinary action.

SinnerBoy · 11/06/2024 22:23

She really needs to make a complaint to her line manager. If nothing else, this nasty idiot has hidden her phone, which has important health apps she requires. He's a bully and workplace bullying shouldn't be tolerated at all.

He is, as you point out, punching down. Not only is he a bully, but his time keeping is poor, are times in logged? She should ask colleagues if they are prepared to support her, when she makes her complaint.

TiredCarer1 · 11/06/2024 22:29

No managers were in although a more senior staff member was.
Another colleague told him it was not dd and to apologise to her but he refused.

His time keeping is well noted but they are desperate for staff so nothing happens.

I'm livid tbh.

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 11/06/2024 22:32

She needs to report his behaviour, particularly the aggression. Completely unacceptable.

TiredCarer1 · 12/06/2024 06:36

Thank you.
I feel the same about reporting it but wanted to make sure I was not over reacting myself.

OP posts:
Blarneytalk · 12/06/2024 06:39

It sounds an awful toxic workplace, people hiding phones etc.

Are there any opportunities for DD to leave?

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