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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Makes me want to scream

11 replies

Smilingbuttired · 11/06/2024 20:58

Just here for a rant really.

Ex and I split when son was 2 (he’s 11 next week). Ex promptly moved an hour away and since then has son 1 night a week unless he’s got plans where he won’t see him at all.

Ex has always point blank refused to help during the week due to the “distance”. He has never been to a sports day, parents evening, didn’t come to view high schools even though I asked him to, didn’t come to hospital when son needed emergency surgery and a couple of weeks ago refused to have him as son had a cold and ex and his wife didn’t want germs in their house 🙈😂 it’s sons birthday next week and I’m throwing him a party and ex is going on stag do.

I rarely do much for myself due to financial reasons but my mum bought me a 1 day ticket to a festival in august, son happens to have a football tournament the same day. As it is ex’s usual day with him I’ve asked him to come and be with him for the day at tournament then take him back to his for the night. The response I’ve had is he can’t commit to being there the full day but would probably be there for some of it. So now I’m stuck.

Just so sick of the way he picks and chooses to be a parent. Yet loves to throw his weight around if I want to do something like take him away on holiday or tries to demand to have him on Xmas day.

OP posts:
JustmeandADHD · 11/06/2024 21:02

Tell him to sort himself out and stop being a shit parent.

you deserve time to yourself OP ❤️ honestly if this was me I’d go through the courts and put an agreement in place that he has to stick too.

my dad used to be like this and I grew up really resenting him.

well done for being everything your dc needs ❤️

itsallsohard · 12/06/2024 02:20

Total sympathy. Not without reminding you there are some of us still married to men like this.
Remind yourself: this is why you were totally right to divorce.

YesItsMe44 · 12/06/2024 06:02

I hear you. You deserve at least 24 hours every other week. I do agree that children know. Mine are in their 30s and tell me they knew "XYZ", etc. It's hard in the midst of it.

Is their family or friends that could help with the day. I realize that it's not necessarily an option.

andallyourevergonnabeismean · 12/06/2024 06:18

I also had a crap ex. Now I'm very close to my dcs and see them regularly/talk daily. They see their dad a few times a year. You reap what you sow.

andallyourevergonnabeismean · 12/06/2024 06:18

Can you mum go to tournament?

OhshutupSandra · 12/06/2024 06:21

My ex was shit too - in the end I let the kids arrange things direct with him. Now as young adults neither speak to him anymore for being an utterly shit Father whilst I have a wonderful relationship with them. I know it is crap and may drive you crazy but honestly he will reap what he has sown.

feathermypickle · 12/06/2024 06:44

I think going forward as your son will be going up to secondary in September I would switch so that all contact for your son goes between Father and son. You step out and have the conversation with him about seeing his Dad and whether he even wants to.

Your ex clearly gets off on inconveniencing you so I would just work round it. Can anyone else take your son to the football tournament? Your Mum, another parent whose child is taking part? If you told me your ex was a shit I would happily take your son along with mine. Put feelers out for a sleepover maybe to completely remove the Dad from the equation.

Smilingbuttired · 12/06/2024 09:34

Thank you for the supportive responses.

I want to make it clear I am not complaining about having my son all the time, I love it and he is my little best mate, i just hate how he gets to pick and choose and tries to control my actions without being an active parent.

Son recently said he didn't want to go there every weekend as its boring, ex has a 1yo daughter with wife and their life revolves around her naps etc so son doesn't actually get to do much when he goes there. He wants to be home so he can see his friends etc. I broached the subject of alternate weekends with ex and he point blank refused and threatened me with solicitors if i changed the plan we have (nothing has ever gone through the courts, as he refuses to see him in the week this is the only way my son has spent time with him). Son starts high school in September and no doubt will want to start going out with friends and I want him to be able to do this.

I can't afford courts and solicitors.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 12/06/2024 09:37

God this man is a total a-hole

I hope he pays you maintenance?!

I would really double down on your August request. Make his life an absolute misery!!

Quitelikeit · 12/06/2024 09:38

And don’t make your son go if he doesn’t want to

Smilingbuttired · 12/06/2024 09:50

Quitelikeit · 12/06/2024 09:37

God this man is a total a-hole

I hope he pays you maintenance?!

I would really double down on your August request. Make his life an absolute misery!!

He does pay maintenece but claims fuel expenses off it even though he moved away

He refuses to pay anymore towards school trips/birthdays etc..

I laugh as i write all this because its actually unbelievable to me sometimes

OP posts:
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