How to deal with awkward situation at work

[workworkworrrk]

I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable with a situation at work and not sure how to act around it.

I really enjoy my job and generally do well, positive feedback. One of my colleagues is good friends with our manager and has been for many years now before one managed the other. This is absolutely fine by me and makes no difference to my work as far as I’m concerned. Recently there has been a couple of times where things have been awkward. A few times my colleague has been privy to information before me and the rest of the team. Most recently, my colleague has messaged me on behalf of my manager (they were both together on this day) about a private matter which was not really any of colleague’s business and it should have definitely been my manager speaking to me and not her. I felt very awkward.

I struggle to put in boundaries and be polite so I end up just going along with it really but a few times recently this colleague has seemed to try and take charge of situations, make the final decision or come to a decision before consulting me. Maybe it is that I’m too permissive, but it almost feels as though she is trying to manage me. I am a lot younger and have less experience so I feel this could be why and I’m not always taken as seriously even on times where I have expressed an opinion.

I’m a little stuck, in so much as I’m not sure I can reasonably speak to my manager about the imbalance without her being - at best - privately biased towards my colleague and I fear it would just affect their treatment of me going forward if I spoke up about the dynamic, whether that’s right or not.

WWYD here? Have I just to get along with it?

@workworkworrrk yeah small team here too. Others have noticed too

Poor you, OP, that is awkward.

I think either ignore messages from colleague or if you feel you can't, say things like 'I'll talk it over with [manager]' or 'I don't really feel comfortable chatting about this. I'll wait and speak to [manager] myself'. 'Thanks for offering to help, but I think this is best kept between me and [manager].' etc. Firm but not rude.

To be honest maybe I’m sceptical but I think some of the advice you have been given is misguided…

I’m experienced in the workplace and office politics. Your ultimate end goal is keeping your job as you enjoy it - you don’t want to leave. Therefore your actions need to match the end result you want.

If you start being blunt or questioning the self appointed deputy or your manager, you may very well be seen as rocking the boat and they may make work difficult for you. That’s what I meant earlier by “lost cause”. Not every manager is reasonable, in fact many aren’t. Sometimes office politics is about knowing when to pick your battles to protect your position unfortunately.

how much of what is going on is tolerable and can be ignored? If you tell yourself this lady is his deputy, what is the net concern for you? Chances are she may become the deputy

if you want to raise that concern, I’d actually advise you to skip your manager and I don’t say that lightly. You don’t necessarily need to complain, but just get the rundown from a union rep or HR or a mentor or another trusted manager. Get an idea of whether there has been any concrete breaches of your private information for example. Then hopefully when you do raise things you have something strong to rely on, preferably document