to want to throttle my MIL

[rascal1979]

MIL is fast becomign MIl from hell since we had DD. She has always been the one to 'intefer' as opposed to my parents or FIL.

Last Sunday she rang at 6pm announcing that she was coming round. DH and I were in the middle of an arguement but I was also knackered as we havea tiny baby = no sleep. I motioned to DH to tell her not to come so he mumbled that I was tired. Cue MIL throwing a strop and putting the phone down.

I let her settle then rang back to say that I was not being 'funny'with her - which was the truth - didn't want to see anyone at that time, had an arguement and DD cluster feeds (Breastfed so all me) at that time so not the best time to visit - which she knows - but we are both tired etc and she knows what it's like with a small baby. She said that she was only going to come for 10 min and if wew ere in she couldn't see why not. I stuck to my guns and said that I don't mind her coming up but would like forwarning and if it's okay re me if I want visitors etc.

Not heard from her since.

DH has just phoned to give me heads up. MIL has rung him at work to say that she is coming up tonight about 7pm just as DH gets in from work and DD is at the height of cluster feeding.

AIBU to be mightly pissed off that she is deliberately telling DH rather than ringing me - which she would normally do. She has total disregard for how I feel. Had snide comments about how she can't hold her for long cos DD is always feeding - helllo she is BF on demand I don't choose to have her permanantly on my breast! She was also a PITA when DD was on special care always visiting after 7pm when I asked everyone to respect that 7-9pm was for me, DH and daughter only.

Apparently she has been moaning to a mutual friend that she had to book an appt to see her own granddaughter arrghhhhhhhhhhh give me strength.

oh and there is no reason why she can't come during the day - she is her own boss so could nip out at lunch time etc quite easily.

Oh ffs.

Wait until your child/children grow up a bit & you'll be begging her to visit.

When dh & I got married (He's an only son & we were diff religions! )My MIL couldn't stand me nor I her.

When I had dd she said she would be more than willing to help me out....she would take dd to her house until I did the hoovering (2 days post-birth)

Anyway, after dd she & I would be constantly bickering... no sweets, stop feeding her sweets, stop buying her stuff, she doesn't need stuff.... etc. (you get the drift)

Then 3 yrs later I had ds. The same thing happened. Dh ended up talking to his mum & we had a family row which lasted months. I realised my kids were losing out & I contacted MIL.

ds is now 3 & I love my MIL, I don't know how I would have got by the last 6 months without her. She has been off work on long term leave & she has helped me out so much. We aren't just MIL/DIL anymore, I consider her my friend. I know she feels the same way about me, she has said so. The key is saying what you feel When I visit her I tell her I'm not stopping long, the kids are going to get din so no sweets... she can give them sweets for after din though!

We have both reached compromise & she totally adores her 2 grandchildren.

HMC: I remember reading posts of yours before, so I'm letting you know, as the wife of an only son, his mum still comes very high up the list of priorities and we all adore her.

I think half times some DILs need to realise their MIL is not in competition with them. Most of them have devoted their whole life to raising a son good enough for them to marry, so how could they possibly be that bad?

I do appreciate my MIL and she is the best gran my children could wish for, she adores the children and they her BUT I resent being made to feel bad for "stealing" her son.

Whether MILs have raised their sons to be such good catches for the DILs to want to marry is utterly and totally irrelevant to how the MILs behave towards their DILs.

I think it's very very odd and worrying for a mother to accuse her DIL of "stealing" her grown up son from her. Oedipal, anyone? Jeez.

My DH wouldn't go near his mother if she said anything as bizarre as that. And I'm not sure I'd lets my DCs near her either until she had some serious therapy.

What is wrong with DILs standing up for themselves and not letting the MILs take over, or make bitchy comments?

And don't trot out the old, "One day you'll be a MIL" crap. Yes, I hope to be a MIL and I hope that I'll be a well behaved one with no weird controlling tendencies. If I do develop them, I expect to be put in my place pdq.

If you're a normal person who doesn't expect to keep control of their grown up children and who is polite enough to keep her snout out of other people's business (yes, the parenting decisions for your GCs are none of the GPs business), then things should go okay with the future in laws.

Anyone who tries to interfere, impose, visit univited whoever it is, is out of order and should be told to buzz off until it's convenient for you.

YANBU, OP. Your MIL sounds extremely childish. Be firm with her like you would a child.

could you ask her that if she is coming at 7pm, could she do some food preparation, cleaning and tidying up and maybe even put your older dd to bed before all that?

say it would be really nice of her and you would be really grateful as the new baby is taking up so much of your time you would be eternally grateful for her assistance.

of course she will mention the 'f' word but don't rise to it. State new research has shown you that there are a lot of risks in formula feeding and it is so important for you to give your new baby the best start.

and of course she will mention how it didn't do your dh any harm and then go on about thank goodness! it is such a surprise that we all managed to survive despite all the dangers.

she may think you are a loon, but hey, she already thinks that so wtf? and anyways, it takes one to know one.