Aibu to think it’s definitely something not right with me!

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

I’ve struggled to hold friendships and struggle a bit socially more so in groups

I seem to make friends easily every where I go! I tend to be proactive in making plans and invite people along , then after a while (could be a year or several) good friends (at least I considered them close) will start doing more with mutual friends and then make plans without me being invited at all
this has happened quite a few times over the last decade

im thinking after another two “close friends “ have decided that they would also do this

parties for milestone birthdays involving everyone else but me

kids activities with others leaving mine out

holidays without us

playdates at soft plays with out me and my little one

the list goes on!

im wondering if I am interrupting people, or because I don’t drink much alcohol or because I’m more blunt than most and maybe overshare too much (trying to think of every negative aspect
if I am , I probably can’t change these things as I find small talk really hard and boring if I’m honest, poss I just need to accept that I’m never going to have long term friendships

or if it’s because I have more children
(they all have two)

I don’t think it’s because of how my children behave as I’ve been told by everyone (school other parents and the friends) how good kind and well behaved they are and I’ve never seen anything other than them being good around thier friends. I do ask questions (maybe too much?!)

so that leaves me! And I’m feeling yet again defeated and left out and I don’t know why.

i do have a couple of long term friendships but never see them due to living in different countries and I have no primary school friends and can’t even remember who I was friends with at that age! My mum said I was a floater friends with everyone including the boys! She said my best friends were two boys. I wonder if I have some sort of underlying behavioural issues that affect my social skills!

can anyone relate or advise on how to not feel so shit when being dumped yet again by so called friends.

this is really hard. I really do relate. Are you neurodivergent?

Oh OP that is really tough.

If you REALLY want to know I'd contact and explain to the most likely 'ex' friend, who would be willing to tell you the truth. Explain how you're feeling......that you think friends drop you after a while etc etc, as you've stated on here.

Tell her you're not angry with her...realise she may not want to be friends any more and you are fine about that.....but it would help you immensely on a personal level re things you need to be aware of if she could share the truth about why.

She might not tell you the truth....if she does, it might be a hard pill to swallow...but hopefully worth it in the long run x

I don’t have loads of friends and am crap at keeping in touch or even replying to messages. I have one or two old friends. Both live nowhere near me so we just catch up every now and then. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong I think it’s just a natural thing sometimes for people to move on with friendships. If you said it happens monthly then that would be different.

im wondering if I am interrupting people, or because I don’t drink much alcohol or because I’m more blunt than most and maybe overshare too much (trying to think of every negative aspect

Do you think you do those things? Can you ask your longstanding friends or partner to be truly honest with you, both about what they like about you and what your flaws are? I’ve certainly distanced from friends who had poor social skills or overshared or held the attitude that they “just say it as it is” when actually they were simply rude. Those things aren’t pleasant to be around. If you’re consistently experiencing people being friendly and keen initially and then dropping off once they get to know you better, and this happens repeatedly amongst different groups of people, then you probably do need to examine the common denominator.

because I’m more blunt than most

red flag

I think I am! It would explain a lot!!

sorry if you’ve experienced similar, it is awful and I do sometimes feel really depressed about it

maybe overshare too much (trying to think of every negative aspect

draining for others

Good ideas and yes I could maybe think about asking one of the more recent
perhaps it is something
actually one of the groups of friends I distanced myself because they drank too much (imo) and one got rather loud and obnoxious and rude and a bit aggressive verbally so perhaps some of the instances it was down to me perhaps cooling off with some of the group and then the others left me out and forgot about me

thanks for the helpful comments

Thanks it’s happened maybe four times in the past decade really
Once around 10 years ago one five years ago and two in the past 12 months (I have had a baby so could be to do with that)

it was down to me perhaps cooling off with some of the group

why did you need to cool off?

Sorry but agree with above im wondering if I am interrupting people, or because I don’t drink much alcohol or because I’m more blunt than most and maybe overshare too much (trying to think of every negative aspect
if I am , I probably can’t change these things as I find small talk really hard and boring if I’m honest, poss I just need to accept that I’m never going to have long term friendships
What would examples of this be?
Are you actually being rude?
Are you swamping them when you over share?
Are you presenting as bored by them in conversation?

Great advice.
if you really think it’s you OP then try and modify behaviour with any new friends and see if it changes anything?
I’m the opposite as I make friends easily and am pro active in maintaining them, then I find it too much and want to back off.

Yep, this jumped out at me too 😬

Another thing to bear in mind thaf is you are ND then maybe RSD may be a thing for you too?