Would I be the worst mum to drop a day at nursery for 1 year old?

[ShadowK]

Hi everyone,

DD is 20 months old and goes to nursery 3 days a week but money is tight and if I drop her down to 2 days then we'll have an extra £300 a month which obviously makes a big difference but I feel guilty for dropping a day when she loves it.

I'm planning on putting her back to 3 days when the 15 free hours kicks in for her in January but I don't know what to do really.

Is two days enough for her to still enjoy herself and learn?

Thanks

I’m bemused when people pay to put their child in nursery when they don’t work but yes 2 days will still be beneficial if just worry they can’t g/tee the third day in September for you

I'd be worried about not being able to get back up to 3 days. If you can manage the financial hit I'd just make use of the extra day to do things for you or jobs you've been meaning to do for yonks. My three year old goes for 4 days but I only work 3. That's my day for intensive cleaning jobs, extra exercise, shopping or coffee on my own etc.

Why bemused? I can understand it not being something you would personally do but life with small children can be relentless and I wouldn’t judge anyone using a bit of extra help: grandparents, nursery, childminder, whatever.

I wouldn't worry how the change in days affects DD - at 20 months, she's enjoying nursery but would also enjoy an extra day with mummy.

I think the real question is you. Do you need that extra day to get things done child free? My eldest also has additional needs & I would never under estimate how hard it can be to juggle that, with part time work, a home & a younger child.

If the extra £ saved would relieve some financial stress without causing you extra life stress then go for it.

DD will not suffer or miss out on anything either way.

She'll be fine, mine went 2 days to nursery, 1 say with grandparents and 2 days with me. Best of all worlds I think!

A lot of people don't have family around to help though. I kept my son in nursery when on maternity leave with DD but only for 3 half days and it made a big difference to how I managed with no family around and a crap (now ex!) husband

Op is a carer and works so I am not surprised that extra day helped.

You aren't a crap mum if you take her out or if you leave her in op! Whatever works best for your family. Is a half day a compromise that day? Then you get a bit of headspace. I would be more worried about your wellbeing than anything on those facts ,(but I realise cash flow affects wellbeing)

If money is really tight try turn2us website for grants. I am trustee of a charity that sometimes gives grants to parents who are struggling due to caring responsibilities etc and it can cover things like nursery fees for a period

If your in England her 15 hours will start from Sept not Jan therefore I would keep her in so you don’t loose the place

I’d leave her in and take the hit to ensure you have a space. She’ll get 15 hours from September not January as the rules are changing.

The 15 hours will kick in September as it’ll be for everyone over 9 months old instead of the current 2 years. I’d keep her in.

Completely Agree

Omg definitely take her out. At 20m old they learn as much and more at home with a loving parent as in a nursery.

Both my kids are top of their classes at school and the most either did was 18 hours a week (3 days 9-3) in a preschool from age 3.

Children do not actually need to be in nursery. Its primary purpose is to facilitate parents working.

Hi OP,

Either way she'll be absolutely fine!! So please don't worry about this at all! Just do what is best for you and your family!

If it is best for you to take her out and have her at home an extra day, do it. She will learn more on a one to one basis with you than sharing her time at nursery with the other kids anyway.

Make sure you get time for yourself as well, as homeschooling part-time a child with SEN can be exhausting and all consuming, so make sure you have that you time as well if you can 💗

I think we’ve got into this habit as a generation of parents of spend, spend, spend. You mention going to soft play or spending money sending her to Nursery for an extra day. Young children love the parks, walks, puddles, baths, playing with toys, the library, reading books etc.
save your money, let your house be a little messier and enjoy time just the two of you.

If you can manage everything until September and the extra money would make a massive difference then I would take her out. But if that extra time to yourself helps more then it would be fine to keep her in. Do whatever is best for you and your family.

If you don’t need the childcare then drop the day, she will Enjoy time with you. Just make sure that nursery will be ok with increasing the days again when she gets funding, they may not be able to hold that day open for you if have other people wanting a place. I work in a preschool and we always tell parents we can’t guarantee that space still being available and can’t hold it open as ultimately it’s a business and staff need paying

no child that young would prefer to be at nursery than with their parent. and no conventional learning happens at that age that can’t happen at home.

Just going to check you are accessing all relevant benefits for your eldest, dla, carers.

Honestly, at that age they don't get anything from going to nursery that they can't get from an engaged parent at home. My youngest is a couple of months older, he likes nursery just fine, but he only goes because I work, if I didn't work I'd keep his squishy little face at home with me. I stayed off work for a couple of years with his older sister and she didn't go to any childcare until preschool.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with reducing hours at nursery if you're struggling to afford them and you don't need the time to work.

You may not have the choice to up the hours when you want them
as the nursery will have filled your space. Hours for 9+ months is coming in soon so see what the bill would be when that kicks in.

having a respite day for yourself is needed when you have caring responsibilities. My stepbrother is in wheelchair 24/7 so growing up it was always full on etc.

Don’t feel guilty. I’m sure that your daughter does love nursery if she seems to love it (mine is a bit older and she loves it!) but I’m also sure that she loves being at home with you at least as much if not more.

I would love it if DD only had to go to nursery two days a week. If you need the day for you then keep sending her, but if not I’d definitely keep her at home.

Are you getting carers allowance? If you're over the earnings threshold be aware that you can deduct some childcare costs (and also partial pension contributions) so it could be possible to be eligible for it and that might change the sums a bit. Definitely get a check that you're getting everything you're entitled to.

I'm a sahm with just one dc and mine went to nursery 3 short days once she was 2. I certainly needed the break and time to focus on household tasks and errands and appointments.

Your free hours start in September! You'll need to look into that now, my nursery are hounding me already for various codes and forms.

Also have to say I think it's absolutely untrue that they get nothing from nursery at this age. Obviously every child is different and some struggle more with the separation, but if I would've listened to a friend who keeps hers home I would've done my LO a disservice. They do so much every day and he loves his little mates! It's really complemented his development overall and he's always coming home with new tricks I wouldn't have even thought to teach him 😂

An engaged parent is great but most parents are burnt out af, and especially reading about your caring needs I imagine you definitely are. She loves it, it's only 3 days. Sort out your hours from September - that extra day isn't selfish at all!

The 15 hours free starts sept 24. So you might not have to wait long. Then it goes up to 30 hours free sept 25.