To think the CMS should include Childcare Vouchers

[AnonDadUK]

Odd that Childcare Vouchers are not included under CMS given the very name of CMS being Child Maintenance. I have written to my MP - Tory so unless he gets something out of it unlikely to do anything with it - but it is crazy this can not be used as part of child maintenance.

I am paying 50% (based on the above you think I should therefore reduce this if I am paying CMS as well?) of all childcare related costs, maintenance and then top ups for school activities, uniforms, sports along with taking every other Friday off work to help with childcare costs. (Fortunately I have a very understanding employer but also a contributor to my income dropping)

Yes if you want to.

You legally only have to pay CMS and your children's costs the 40% of the time they are with you.

You can be nasty.

You can refuse to pay for their extra curricular activities when they are with their mother.

You can refuse to take them to any extra curricular activities she books when they are with you. (I wouldn't unless it is something that you have difficulty taking them to and/or you really disagree with the activity. I know some parents don't agree with certain hobbies at all or over a certain age due to the links with eating disorders.)

If you didn't sign the contract for childcare you can refuse to pay those costs.

"You seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding of how CM is calculated - it already takes into account the number of nights spent with you and is reduced on that basis.

Use the vouchers to pay for childcare on your time if needed. Just as you should be paying for clothes, food, toiletries, hobbies on your time ON TOP of the child maintenance payment"

It's calculated purely on overnighters so if I have them from 8am - 7pm, pay for everything for that date (which I do) and then they don't stay with me for the night, it means zilch. Over the course of 48 hours this means they have been with me 22 hours (45% of the time) yet CMS deem it as 0.

Confirming I am paying for clothes/hobbies etc on her time too. (Based on the above I nip that in the bud?) And my own, as well as on my time.

In terms of 50/50 overnighters. I will pay the children's way absolutely but the only reason she won't agree 50/50 is ££ - it is completely wrong that I have them 40% of the time they are not at school / with a childminder yet I pay 70%+ and then some.

Even if it was 50/50 you may still have to pay her some money.

BTW remember it is a marathon not a sprint. So while she may have them most of the time now once they get to secondary age they may decide to move in with you.

Who organised the activities?

How much do you earn? How much do pay via CMS and how much do you pay in childcare vouchers? How much is the childcare bill in total?

The childcare vouchers have been paid on top of the maintenance which I pay her.

Stop sacrificing your salary for the vouchers then

Confirming I am paying for clothes/hobbies etc on her time too. (Based on the above I nip that in the bud?) And my own, as well as on my time.

If they don't ever do them on the nights they are with you then why are you paying?

In regards to their clothes both of you need to make sure you aren't a-holes.

My DP and a friend have children where the mother would label their clothes as "hers" and their "dads". So when the children were little their mothers would start an argument over the children's clothes if they couldn't find anything else to start an argument over. All my DP and my friend did was ensure the children were sent to their mother's in Primark/supermarket clothing and shoes. These wouldn't be returned. However if the crap clothes they were sent in weren't returned then....

She arranged something with the school without even consulting me and just expected me to pay at least half... I have arranged other things (advised her well in advance) and have asked for half but been told it had nothing to do with her so my responsibility. (This is a month after she had said she would contribute.) Most recently, I have bought my son's last 4 pairs of school shoes, she advised me that she would sort and then decided no, it should be my responsibility....Not dealing with rational or consistent. So just have to go the black and white route methinks. Which is a shame, but this is her doing.

"The childcare vouchers have been paid on top of the maintenance which I pay her.

Stop sacrificing your salary for the vouchers then"

Which I then pay full tax on and means less ££ for the children....

"Reugny · Today 16:45
Confirming I am paying for clothes/hobbies etc on her time too. (Based on the above I nip that in the bud?) And my own, as well as on my time.

If they don't ever do them on the nights they are with you then why are you paying?"

Because I have been acting in the best interests of the children. Equally, I am not a money tree.

If my kids need school shoes, DH and I just have to pay for them. Imagine your kids growing up and learning that you refused to buy them school shoes?

(I was that child btw... My absent dad refused to buy school uniform for me. My grandad paid for it. I know how I feel towards my dad knowing this and also knowing what I would willingly pay for for my child in a heartbeat).

She arranged something with the school without even consulting me and just expected me to pay at least half...

You should have simply refused to pay.

In future either ignore that part of her message completely OR say "No". Then don't pay.

You are no longer a joint household.

I have arranged other things (advised her well in advance) and have asked for half but been told it had nothing to do with her so my responsibility.

It is.

You are no longer a joint household.

Oh and make sure you send all messages to her by email. Set up a separate email account for the children and her. So if she phones/SMS/Whatsapps and says something needs to be done, repeat back to her what she requested in email.

Make sure you aren't angry when you write the emails, if possible get someone else to check them for tone, and only send them during the day.

Not having boundaries is not acting in the best interests of your children.

School uniform including school shoes you don't argue you buy for them.

Other clothes for when they are with her you don't pay or buy.

Hobbies when they are with her you don't pay for.

You get more money in your bank account on payday, that's more for the children, not less. I genuinely don't get what the point of this thread is. If you are paying CMS plus childcare vouchers plus buying extras then just cut it down to what you can afford.

"Blibblab · Today 16:49
If my kids need school shoes, DH and I just have to pay for them. Imagine your kids growing up and learning that you refused to buy them school shoes?

(I was that child btw... My absent dad refused to buy school uniform for me. My grandad paid for it. I know how I feel towards my dad knowing this and also knowing what I would willingly pay for for my child in a heartbeat)."

And yet, the mother who I pay child maintenance to, can just choose not to without any consequence? Doesn't seem right, but equally they will not go without. She is earning and on a decent wage too.

Why not switch to 50/50 and then no money needs to change hands except one off costs you don't want to duplicate. Clubs etc you could split 50/50 too

The money is to enable you both to work. It's hardly for the "benefit of the mother". It benefits both of you

Fancy suggesting you should get help for the 40% of the time you have them

Bit of a pattern emerging here

This.

Pick your battles.

School uniform isn't one of them.

My DP's ex tried to start a battle with school uniform including school shoes. She eventually gave up because he just bought stuff.

"mitogoshi · Today 16:55
Why not switch to 50/50 and then no money needs to change hands except one off costs you don't want to duplicate. Clubs etc you could split 50/50 too"

Not quite that simple when you are dealing with an individual who believes the children are her possessions and everyone else, including their father, are secondary. Will make the application tomorrow.