Two challenging children?

[Whoiam]

So, I have two children, and both naturally have completely different proclivities and traits; however, the common denominator is they are both very challenging, yet in different ways. Then I began thinking, is this normal, or is it simply misfortune on our part?

Firstly let me highlight that all children are a blessing, and their individual natures and both fascinating and amazing. But one child, now aged 5, was a challenge from birth. A crier, a complete none sleeper, just a generally very unhappy baby, then a difficult toddler, qué having to leave toddler groups because of full on meltdowns, and now still completely explodes and is very hard to discipline. We always wondered if was something we were doing.

However, next Son, now age 2, was a breeze, not a crier, slept well, and seldom had tantrums. However, he is exceptionally mischievous, and although very good-natured, is into everything he shouldn't; I take him to toddler group, and while all the children are sitting singing and playing with the instruments nicely, he is trying to throw the instruments, or running and trying to escape the venue. I can't help but compare them to other children, and mine seem both extreme in their temperament. For context, low sugar diet, all reasonable measures in place for boundaries and discipline etc it just seems to be their personalities!

Aibu: Normal to have two difficult children

Yanbu: Unusual and unfortunate

Ha, you could be describing my kids

My second is my “easy” child to me, but others with extremely well behaved kids regard her as full on!

My eldest is ND, it turns out
I’m beginning to wonder about my second

My eldest was like your first and turned out to have ASD. Looking back now it was obvious. Not that I’m saying your does, but sometimes there is more going on. But the explosions may mean more.

Your DS2 sounds like mine as a toddler, and he has turned into an exceptionally easy teenager. Hopefully the same will happen for you!

Thanks. Glad I'm not alone. Sometimes I wonder, perhaps third time lucky ,🤔 🤣

Thank you. It hasn't been something we've considered, but we will bear this in mind. I hope yours gets the support they need.

That's promising. Thanks for sharing..

I mean, its a hard one.

"Generally" I think most of it comes down to parenting and hear me out before i get flamed.

Firstly everyone has different tolerance levels so what one might think is fine behavior others might really struggle with and secondly if i draw from my own experiences, my first 2 were easy, slept a dream, fed well, decent toddlers and all the rest.

My 3rd was ( and still is ) what some would class as difficult child but we caused it lol, shes our last, so we spoiled her, lockdown baby so always with us attending to her every need. We let her in our bed, she needs us to lie with her to get to sleep and is in our bed every night.
She is the light of our life but we know shes spoiled and trying to slowly change that but shes fighting us for it.

I have 3 girls.

There’s a book called the Explosive Child I found really helpful. It was from that I realised my DS was autistic. It was like a light bulb.

Yes they (both) get support and are fabulous, funny, bright children.

I have ordered this now. Thank you.

Gosh your second son sounds just like my son! All the other toddlers take part in classes or sit with their parents, but my son is off trying to get out the doors, stealing other kids instruments or throwing stuff around. He does have some tantrums too which are always fun in public 🫠
I have no idea why he’s like this as my husband and I are really very quiet and chill and he’s just the complete opposite!
I’m hoping he follows in the steps of @LemonCitron ‘s son and is a good teen 🤞

Thank you. It's certainly food for thought. There are totally things I can acknowledge that we haven't made things easier for ourselves either!

Yes, it can be awkward, and it always appears as if he is the only one, and all the other children behave impeccably. Yes, I am hopeful for the teenage stage 🙏

I have twins with Autism and ADHD. Both incredibly challenging in different ways. Never thought of it as 'unfortunate'.

Mine are both challenging and yes it has been asd and adhd.

But op are you telling the dc off and or taking them out if they behave like this.

Yes. We implement time-outs, reward charts, and firm rebukes of such behaviour. Effective sometimes, but can feel like a daily battle. .

I do think it's luck of the draw to some extent. We got a very easy first baby and he has generally continued to be relatively easy. It's nothing particularly to do with my parenting. His father is very cheery and laid back though so possibly genetics?

I believe you could be right. My dad reminds me that I was high-needs from birth until my teens, so perhaps it's my turn now. Another thing to consider is that children change. I've spoken to those who had a similar experience with their youngest, but then they morphed into different people when they got older. I just tend to find that there aren't many people out there who have two very challenging children, but this thread has confirmed I am not alone by any means.

Mine are very similar to yours but in reverse, now ages 9 and 6. 9 year old was a content, chilled baby and toddler, turned into a threenager the minute he turned 3 and has carried on being challenging. He has ADHD and is ND in other ways too.

DS2 came screaming into the world and it carried on (he’s also very happy, when he’s happy) for 6 years. Still like this, huge emotions, very happy and loving but still meltdowns. I suspect he’s also ND although it’s not as clear cut as DS1.

Your 2 year old is too young to tell, but I would put money on your eldest being ND, and you too if you were “difficult until teens”!

Your eldest sounds like mine who was diagnosed with ASD at 4 and ADHD at 6.

Sounds completely normal.

I think all children are challenging at different times and in different ways.
My eldest was a "difficult" baby, never wanted to sleep, often unsettled then things improved a lot once talking started. Now a teenager with all that entails plus anxiety and (probably) ADHD but an absolute joy to be around when in a good mood.
Youngest in comparison was my easy baby but since the toddler stage always had challenging behaviour. With hindsight it was all ASD (recently diagnosed) and every single day is a challenge in some way.