I’ve been in MN for decades but haven’t posted for years. It wouldn’t take much to join the dots so am being anon for this. You’ll see why. It might be long..
I was watching long lost families last night. It set me off even though my story is different
the way the foundling’s birth families accepted them was lovely but made me feel sad
I did a DNA test a while back. I’m interested in family history and working class lives.
I thought I might get a surprise ie a half sibling popping up. But didn’t really think much about it.
when I got my results it was clear that my dad, couldn’t be my dad. I went through the usual ‘ must be a mix up’ etc.
nope. I am not who I thought I was. Different ethnicity etc.
Got matches on my mums side so it had to be dad and not adoption.
I sat on it for a long time. Told one family member and they got angry and didn’t want to know.
I then found a volunteer tracing service. They warned me it would take a while and nothing might come if it.
she found my birth family in a week!
it all matches up. Same area. At a time mum and dad were going through problems (happened s lot).
but DNA can only narrow it down to 3 siblings.
tracer messaged my new cousins. They had contacted me when my results went live. They had been nice but now went cold.
I understand the sensitivity. My surviving aunts are elderly and from a time and background where illegitimate children were a terrible scandal. My birth dad was probably married and I may be s middle child.
I couldn’t ask my mum. Just couldn’t. Then she died suddenly
I honestly don’t judge her.
she didn’t have the options women have now and she already had young children. I can’t think of a good time to have told me my dad wasn’t my dad.
ti be honest though.. I’m just tired of taking everyone else’s feelings into consideration. My mums, my other family member, my birth family, extended family.
is there a point where I’m the one that matters?
all I thought I knew about medical history has changed
my ethnicity and that of my children has changed
I grew up feeling different because I don’t look like my siblings
my dad didn’t treat me any differently so I don’t think he knew.
I try not to think about it but it’s hard to ignore sometimes and I feel rejected
I have an adopted child and feel very strongly about the rights of kids to know who they are.
anyone experienced anything similar?
thanks for reading